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His head whips up and his dark eyes pin me in place. Daniel’s always been intense, always been dangerous. For others, I’m sure it’s similar. But they’ll never feelthis. Not the way I feel for Daniel.
“Why does it need to bemoreright now? Why can’t we hold on to what we have?”
“It’s not good for either of us, Daniel,” I whisper and wrap my arms around my chest. I don’t know how else to explain it and how he could fail to understand that.
The silence grows. All I can hear is my own breath as Daniel stands there stiffly, staring at the faded carpet beneath his feet. Finally, he looks me in the eye again and the intensity and pain there shatter me to the very center of my soul.
“I know that you belonged to Tyler first, as much as I hate to admit that. I hate to say his name. I don’t want to imagine what used to ...”
“Daniel, please don’t,” I say and reach for him, my heart hurting for his and I hate myself in this moment. Why did I have to do this?
“We can’t change the past, Addison. I wish I could. But it’s over now. And right now I want you.”
There was never a point in my life where I thought I’d hear those words from Daniel. And the shock, the sadness, and the conflict of not knowing how to protect myself and what I should do keep the words I’m desperate to say trapped in my throat.
I want to believe what he’s saying. But he’s already said the words I need to hold on to the conviction of leaving him.There will never be more.
“You know where to find me if you want to see me.” Daniel’s last words are flat, with a defeated tone.
I can’t form a coherent thought as he turns his back to me and walks off. This isn’t what I wanted or how I’d planned for it to go. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I say, but my choked words are barely audible to me, let alone Daniel as he disappears in the distance.
I worry my bottom lip and a storm brews inside of me. A storm that feels as though it’s never left, like it was only waiting in the darkness. Preparing for when it could come out and destroy the little piece of me that remains.
It’s not until Daniel’s gone that I close the door, lean my back against it and fall to the floor on my ass.
I’ve made a mistake. More than one. But I can’t keep going on like this, making mistake after mistake and running from them.
Helplessness overwhelms me and I’ve never felt weaker. Why is it all so complicated? Why can’t love and lust be one, and right and wrong easier to decipher?
CHAPTER18
Daniel
Five years ago
Every small movement makes the pain spread deeper. I shouldn’t have called him a drunk. I shouldn’t have yelled back when my father yelled at me. I know better. I brought this on myself.
I let out a deep breath, but even breathing hurts. Carter will cover for me. He always does. I swallow thickly as I hear heavy footsteps coming to my door and my heart pounds for a moment, thinking it’s him. Thinking I fucked something up.
Like I did last night, losing thousands of dollars. Thousands and thousands of money and merchandise are gone. Stolen off the truck. And it’s my fault. I’m the one who opened it, getting the fucking CD Addison left in there and not remembering to lock it back up.
This is all because of her.
There’s only a slight bit of relief when I hear Tyler yell out my name as he bangs on the door.
I struggle to put my shirt back on, but do it through clenched teeth while wincing. It was only a belt, I grit out with the part of me that thinks I’m pathetic. That I deserve all of this and more.
I open the door without thinking of the cuts on my back and the pain sears through me.
“Why do you have to be such an asshole all the time?”
Tyler’s question is met with nothing from me. Not a single emotion that I can give him.
“You don’t have to make her feel like she’s not welcome.”
Anger makes me swallow hard. I still don’t respond.
I’ll never tell him how I feel about her, but at least now I know how she feels about me.
