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With his elbows on his knees, his head is just a smidge lower than mine as he turns to look at me and says, “It’s because I’m a bad man. That’s what bad men do. They scare people.”
“I told you to stop it,” I tell him as I reach up to put a hand on his broad shoulders. His shirt is stretched tight, making him seem caged beneath it. “You’re a good person inside. I know you are.”
“You think I’m good?” he says with an air of disbelief and then he turns to look straight ahead. When he speaks again, it’s as if the words aren’t directed at me. “I’m sure you think you can see the good in everyone.”
“I don’t like you talking like this. Seriously. You need to stop.” I find myself struggling to speak. “I don’t know what’s making you say these things, but you have to stop.”
“I think I should tell you something.” Daniel speaks as he runs his finger around the lip of the coffee table in front of him. He focuses on it as the silence stretches out and I wait.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” My heart flickers, the light going out for a moment. Maybe from fear, or maybe from knowing it’s a lie I’ve spoken. There are so many things Daniel could say that would destroy me. But he knows that already.
“You’re so breakable, Addison.”
I huff a laugh, although it’s drowned out by relief. “Is that the big news? Because I knew that already.”
His dark eyes lift to meet mine and the intensity swirling within is something I haven’t felt for a long time.
“No, that’s not the news, but it’s why I don’t want to tell you.”
My shoulders rise with a heavy breath. “If you have something to tell me, then I want to hear it.”
Daniel relaxes his posture, sitting back and sinking into the cushion of the sofa as he stares at me. His hands are folded in his lap and I can tell he’s deciding. Judging. And I allow it.
Because he’s right. I am breakable. And the last person I want to break me is him.
He clears his throat, bringing his fist to his mouth and then looks at the decorative pillow that’s next to him. I suppose it’s just so he doesn’t have to look at me. He runs his thumbnail over the fabric of the sofa as he talks, busying his hands. “When Tyler died, you left and didn’t say goodbye.”
I nod my head and ready myself to answer, leaning forward and even scooting slightly closer. He has to know how ashamed and riddled with guilt I was. I could barely speak to anyone.
I wanted to tell them all goodbye, but I couldn’t even look them in the eye.
My words are halted when Daniel continues, not waiting for a response from me at all.
“And when I went to your house,” he pauses and licks his lips before moving his gaze to mine. “I could lie to you here, and say you were already gone.”
My heart beats hard and my breathing halts from the danger that flashes in his stare.
“But you hadn’t left yet and so I watched you pack. I wanted to pack too. I didn’t want to stay where Tyler had just walked, just sat. Where I’d just listened to him tell me about that beat-up truck he wanted to fix but never would.” Daniel runs his thumb along his lower lip as his eyes gloss over. “I wanted to run like you wanted to, but I didn’t think I would be capable until I saw you do it.”
“You watched me leave?” I ask him, not knowing where this is going, but fearing what he has to say because of his tone and bearing. Because of how the air thickens and threatens to strangle me. As if even it would rather I be dead than for Daniel to destroy me with the history between us.
“I wish it were as easy as that,” he says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I watched you board the train with that heavy suitcase, and I got on too. I watched you check in to a motel four cities over. And I requested a room next to yours.”
Every word he says makes my heart feel tighter.
“I watched you for days before finally breaking myself away from you to call Carter and tell him I wasn’t coming back. I’d decided to spend my time doing one thing.” The heat in his eyes intensifies at the memory and his gaze feels like fire against my skin. “Watching you.”
“You stalked me?” I ask him although the words stumble over each other and barely come out as a croak. I can’t deny the fear that begs my body to run, but I’m frozen where I am, waiting for his confession to release me.
“I watched you because I needed to. You blamed yourself and your pain was so raw and genuine. So full of everything that I didn’t have. Of course I hated every bit of who I was because Tyler had to die, while God chose to let me live. I wanted to cry and mourn like you did. A very large part of me wanted you to cry harder as you hugged your pillow to your chest in the dark. Some nights you couldn’t even stand long enough to make it to the bed.”
He cocks his head as he looks me in the eye and asks, “Do you remember how you’d sleep on the floor even when the bed was so close?” His last words come out as a whisper and I can’t answer. I can hardly breathe as tears leak from my eyes.
“I thought about picking you up and putting you in the comfort of your sheets-”
“You came in?” I cut him off and suck in a deep breath. “You broke in to my room?”
“Addison, I couldn’t be away from you.” His admission elicits a very real fear that makes my body tremble as I shy away from him. Scooting farther away on the sofa, but not quite able to run.
