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Slowly a grin forms on my lips. Jake Holsteder stares back at me from a black and white photo where he’s holding up a beer in cheers. The bartender from last night is apparently the owner. Jake has links to his social media accounts.
And more importantly, Daniel knows Jake.
It’s a stretch, but I send a message to Jake on Facebook and then prepare my second cup of tea.
Nice to meet you last night. Sorry I left early.
It’s a simple message and if he doesn’t respond, I can always go back to the bar. I’m vaguely aware that I’m chasing after Daniel. After the man whose very existence brings back the ghosts of my past. But I don’t care. I live off instinct and everything is telling me that I need to find Daniel. If for no other reason than to tell him he knows damn well who I am.
I add more sugar to the cup this time than last and the spoon clinks against the ceramic edge of the mug as my phone vibrates.
No worries. You leave for any reason in particular?
I chew on the inside of my cheek at his message.
Just had to go. But I wanted to come back and try that beer.I don’t even remember what the hell the beer was called, but then I add,I’d love to take pictures of the place too if that’s okay?
I purse my lips and tap my thumb against my phone before finally sending the message.
Pictures?That’s all he answers.
I send him a link to my Instagram and then text,Your place gives me so much inspiration.
NICE!
Even if he’s only being polite, I appreciate it.Thanks!
He writes,Seriously, these are beautiful. You should try selling them.
I do. It’s what I do for a living and I’d love to take some pics in your bar. The whole place gives me a ton of inspiration. Maybe we can chat too?
He takes a moment and then another to respond. Each second makes my heart beat a little faster and I find myself picking at my nails.You come by looking for him?
Him?I play coy.
I thought maybe you knew Daniel?he asks me although it’s a statement.
I did, but I haven’t seen him in years.I send the message without checking it. Maybe I gave away too much.
You should stay away, Jake warns me and although I know he’s right, it pisses me off. All the kids at school told me that about Tyler too—well, more about his family than him specifically, and he was the only good thing I’ve ever had in my life. And I really don’t like people telling me what to do.
I didn’t go to your bar looking for an old friend.I pause before adding,I’m here to make new ones.
It feels like a hand’s squeezing my heart in my chest as an anxious feeling comes over me. The only sense I can gather from it all is that I know I’m only doing this to piss Daniel off. And that’s something I shouldn’t do; I’ve done it once before and the memory makes me feel weak.
You can come by anytime. What’s your number?he asks me and although it’s forward, I send it over. Jake knows Daniel. So maybe I can get some intel at the very least.
Daniel was always the possessive type. Even if he hated me, he hated anyone who showed me any attention more. So maybe finding out Jake has my number will piss him off. I can only hope.
I feel petty as I walk away from the phone, listening to it vibrate in time with the ticking of the clock.
As I peek out of the sheer white curtains and down onto the street below me, an eerie feeling washes through me. It slowly pricks along my skin until the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
It’s a feeling like someone’s watching me. I’m slow as I turn so I’m facing my living room. There’s no one else here in my studio apartment. Not a soul.
My hand wraps around the hot mug and I pull the curtains shut. It’s only the memory of Tyler that’s brought this back.
I couldn’t go anywhere without feeling him there. Watching me. A shudder runs down my spine as I remember each day. Each photo I took as I whipped around, expecting to find someone lurking in the shadows. There was never anyone there. It was only my shame that followed me.
