Page 60 of Jackal

I allow myself some time to think about the things Jackal and I did in the firelight that night... I can’t even think about him without flushing. I position the vents on my face and try to cool off.

I can’t help but worry about his time with his mother. Why do women who aren’t capable of loving anyone outside of themselves ever have children? Just because our population has declined so greatly…bringing a child into a harmful or unloving situation—no child asks for that. I think about Jackal as a little boy in pain and not even reaching out for help. A few tears fall and I shut my eyes, leaning my head against the window so Sean can’t see. I fall into a fitful sleep, dreaming about heists gone wrong.

By the time we land in the Red Region and next to the Chesapeake Bay, I’m sick of myself. There is a reason I need to dance—anything to shut my mind up. I try to act as normal as possible, allowing Sean’s touches and comments. He’s treating me as if we’re a couple. A sinking feeling washes over me, and I’m sick with worry and guilt. I don’t want to lead him on. It seems even more cruel now that I’m sure my heart belongs to someone else. Admitting my feelings for Jackal to myself is frightening enough; I’d never be able to articulate it with words. We walk through the airport to the waiting car—a car that will take us to the hotel. I insisted on a separate room even when he laughed at me. Dancers are notorious for their promiscuity; Sean would never guess that Jackal is the only man I’ve been with.

“I’ll be at the summit for most of the day,” he says. “Think you can keep yourself entertained without me?”

Oh boy, can I.

I nod. “You go do important government things. I’ll be fine.”

Once he’s gone, I change into a jogging outfit and head out of the hotel. I find the car Moma arranged for me a few blocks away. The chip she gave me unlocks the car and I speed off before anyone can notice me. If I can spend the day scouting Langley’s estate, I will be familiar with the area in the dark. I find a tree to perch in and pull out the mini-scope that Jewel gave me for the trip. Barely the size of my ring finger, the scope zooms in close enough to see the surrounding yard, even inside some of the windows. It’s about an hour before I see movement. A staff member comes out to the pool area and prepares the table with a light spread. A few minutes later, Langley and her sister come outside and pick at the food before sunning on the loungers. I recognize them instantly from all the pictures Gwen’s shown me. I scan the house and perimeter for guards and other staff members. Someone comes and mows the front lawn and weeds the side yard. The girls go inside and maybe a half hour later, a stout woman comes out with a stroller. My heart picks up and I zoom in as close as I can get. I nearly climb down to see if I can get a closer look, but I’m afraid of missing anything. I can make out the form of a baby wrapped up in a blanket. The woman walks along the pathways around the house; she gets as far as the gate to the water before turning around and walking back up to the patio. The mower shuts off and the yard worker goes to the front door. She waits a moment before the door opens and a new woman hands her an envelope. The worker leaves and I wait to see if any new help shows up. Four adults in the house...that feels manageable. I watch another hour or so from the tree and nothing changes, so I climb down and find the areas Gwen showed me on the map. I’m a little too close to the house when I see a car pull up. I duck into the woods and take out the scope. I’d recognize him even without it, though.

Sean gets out and walks up the driveway, waiting at the door a few moments before it opens. Their laughter carries and I fume, wondering how Sean could possibly have anything to do with Langley after all she’s done.

He stays for twenty minutes, tops—and I cover the range of thoughts about what he’s doing in there. Everything from him conspiring with her...to him having sex with her...to him naturally having to meet with the Red’s chief administrator when he’s visiting the Red. I wait ten minutes after he leaves and make my way to the car. I drive it to the location we agreed on and I walk the rest of the way. When I reach the hotel, I have an hour and a half before I’m supposed to meet Sean. I spend all the time getting ready and then pacing.

Everything feels like a mistake. Huge second thoughts. This can’t work. And the fact that I’ll be seen in the Red tonight with Sean...I should’ve gotten here another way. Something less public. Jackal hasn’t made contact. What if he’s not even here?

There’s a tap on the door and I slip into my sparkly ballet flats. Sean stands there in his suit and hands me a single rose.

“You’re more beautiful than ever,” he says.

I hate eyeing him with suspicion, but after his crazy dinner party and seeing him at Langley’s today...

“Thank you.” I hold up the flower and put it in the vase of other flowers he had waiting for me when we arrived. “You look nice too.”

He smiles. “Nice. I’ll take it, I guess.”

“Handsome...great. I’m not good with compliments.”

He laughs. “Nice will do.”

The driver opens the door for me and I’m too nervous to say much on the way to the summit. Sean eventually gives up and looks out the window. I feel bad; I’m doing all of this wrong: friendship...heists…life. I attempt conversation—something banal.

“What did you do today?” I cringe at the tone of my voice. Sean looks at me plaintively.

“All boring things,” he says. “What about you?”

“I got some exercise.”

“Your job is exercise. You’d think on your days off you’d take it easy. Shop or something,” he says.

I hate shopping: the bodies crowding the aisles, the tedious decisions, the required politeness from salespeople. I swallow and thankfully, we stop. I don’t know what to do with the devotion in his eyes.

The venue is a dome jutting out over the water, and through the glass walls, I can see thousands of tiny lights. It looks like a snow globe filled with fireflies. All of the Red’s elite are in attendance tonight. I sigh. The elite comes with a certain set of rules: proffered handshakes, dainty kisses on the cheek—and the most dreaded thing—small talk. Sean holds his arm out for me and I take it, swooshing my emerald gown in my hand before stepping out of the car.

Cameras click, click as we walk down the red carpet. I’m recognized, many calling out my name and asking for autographs. Sean keeps us moving, and I smile and wave. When we reach the door and it opens, the wave of cheering is so loud, I turn around to see what has happened. A limo door opens and Aries unfolds his large body from the car.

He wears his hair loose around his shoulders tonight, not in the usual knot behind his head. I marvel at the licorice luster of it. Above his deep-set eyes, his eyebrows arch in two heavy lines, giving him an angry, menacing appearance. I watched an interview with his mother a few years back. She told the camera with tears in her eyes that Aries had been born at a mere three pounds. She’d named him after the god of war in hopes that he’d fight for his life. Looking at the giant of a man, it is hard to believe he’d ever been that tiny. The only thing that weighs three pounds now is probably his massive penis.

When he makes his way toward us, Sean stands taller and places his hand over mine, making sure it doesn’t leave his arm. Ownership. I’m so annoyed, but I shove the feeling down. Before this trip is over, or maybe once I’m safely home, I’m having a long talk with Sean. It’s overdue.

Aries stops in front of Sean and holds out his hand. “Evening, Governor.”

Sean shakes his hand, cheeks flushing. “Good to see you.”

“And this is?” Aries assesses me, his eyes cutting into mine.

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