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My hands lift, floating from my sides, but they stop halfway to his back. I meet Justin’s eyes and see my pain reflected back at me.
Or maybe not. Because Justin, for all that he loves us, could never understand.
Not like I do.
The need for that outlet. A way to express the maelstrom of pain and emotions that clog your throat and make your stomach ache. The need to act, to move, to do something, anything, to make the ants crawling up and down your skin disappear, if only for a moment. When your flesh is the only thing holding your body together, but your skin feels like it’s on fire.
I understand.
In Remi’s damaged body, I see some twisted version of myself reflected back at me. I see the me I could have been had Justin not found me first.
“There are so many more pleasurable ways to get that feeling,” I hear myself say before I even process the words. “That feeling of being beyond yourself. The release of letting everything go. Of removing your mind from all the pain and the turmoil and experiencing your own personal nirvana.”
Remington breaks out in shivers, his skin puckering and crawling with goosebumps.
My body mimics him.
I want to touch him. I need to touch him.
But I don’t want to bring him any more discomfort than he’s already feeling. He doesn’t yet understand that to play with pain; you have to start with pleasure.
I circle him until we’re standing face to face and run my fingernails up his stomach. There’s little to no damage here, as I’m sure Remi was prostrated in such a way that his back was on display, and the rest of him was shielded from the onslaught.
I’ve never let anyone else but Justin touch me like that, but I’ve watched enough to know how others play the game.
“I bet you picked the biggest, baddest man you could find, didn’t you?”
I don’t look at his face because I don’t want to see his expression. As it is, my stomach is churning with the need to be sick on his behalf. But the tight tremble in his voice tells a story all on its own.
“Yes.”
He shudders when he exhales. Despite the serious and somewhat ghastly subject of our conversation…after all, we’re discussing his self-abuse…his cock fills and thickens before my eyes.
A man, not a woman. I doubt the idea of using a FemDom ever entered his mind. Not that they’re any less brutal. In a way, they can be more. But a woman would have taken one look at Remi and known that he was in no mindset to be touched.
“Tell her the rest of it.” My eyes almost bulge from my head as Justin’s roiling calm penetrates my wandering thoughts. “You told her what brought you to the club the first night, and you told her what brought you back to us today. Tell her what happened in-between.”
I glance at Justin, but he minutely shakes his head and points his chin back in Remi’s direction. He’s smiling, though, and his chest is puffed out in pride.
“What happened?”
White spots sparkle on the outside of my vision.
“I quit my job,” Remi announces, and I lock my knees before they have a chance to sag. The agony that pulls at his lips makes my stomach clench. “I came out in the middle of the annual board meeting, quit my job, moved into a hotel room, and I…and I just—I needed—”
His hands are flexing, and I reach out to twist my fingers with his. His head keeps rotating on his neck, but he hasn’t met my stare in ages. He angles to the floor and to the ceiling with his eyes closed tight in pain only he understands.
“Oh, Rem. I get it. I do. It’s like a buzzing, in your ear,” I whisper. “Thatneed. It makes you desperate, and empty and its just a little push to take you to a place where it doesn’t hurt anymore. Where nothing can ever hurt you again.”
He’s nodding his head, and I step in even closer. I bring my lips to his chest and drag my tongue across his puckered flesh. I can hear his heart thundering and watch as a second set of goosebumps bloom on top of the first.
My body echoes his, moisture pooling into my panties as his near-feral need tofeelbleeds from him to me. I said it myself, didn’t I? If I were going to hurt, I’d rather it be in pain of my own making.
What a pair we make.
“Yesssssss,” he agrees. “I’d watched you do it so many times. Helped him take you to that place where every scrape against your flesh sent you deeper into bliss. That night he tied me down he—”
Remi’s voice cuts off with a strangle. His eyes are tight, and his hands are shaking, but he doesn’t do anything other than stand there.
