AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Navy. Azure. Baby Blue. Bayern Blue. Cerulean.”
Cerulean is my favorite. It reminds me of Justin’s eyes.
“That’s my girl,” he says, dropping a kiss onto my hands. “Keep going.”
Justin stands, and my arms stretch out and up from my body at the motion, my hands still on his shirt. I look like I’ve been positioned this way. Back arched, arms stretched—my body on display for his inspection. I want him to bind my wrists and pull them tight enough that I can let them take my weight.
Yesssss. That’s what I need. I need to close my eyes and give my body to Justin so my mind no longer has to feel my broken heart. The pain of the whip is the perfect distraction from the pain that’s currently overtaken my body.
Before I even realize what’s happening, Justin has me in his arms, my hands still clutching at the front of his shirt. My mouth is still forming words, listing the types of blues, though if told to repeat what I’ve said, I’d fail the test completely.
I’m in his arms, his warmth and strength wrapping around me like a warm cocoon. My vision fades until I’m being forced into a sitting position, Justin’s hands gentle and firm on the back of my neck as he holds a bottle of water to my lips. When I open my eyes, I’m in our bedroom. I close them again.
“Sip,” he says, and I do what I’m told, latching my lips around the lip of the bottle.
“Can you hold it?” he asks, and I silently nod, then wrap both of my hands around the chilled plastic bottle. I’m on the edge of our bed, and I look around the room, taking in the differences now that Remi isn’t here with us. Justin is on his knees in front of me, pushing my hair behind my ears. He watches me for a moment until he’s positive that I’m not going to drop the water onto my lap.
“I’m okay,” I tell him. The words are right, but my voice sounds dead. His returning smile is broken and crooked, not sitting right on his face.
I’ve been through this before. A man, sworn to love me, who changes his mind. My mother, who took her own life, rather than stay and hold my hand.
“It hurts,” I say, if for no other reason than because it’s true. I’ve been through this before, but this is worse than it’s been in the past. I don’t know if I’ll survive this time.
“It’ll be okay, baby girl. I promise. Something obviously happened with his father. His parents finding out was a shock to the system, then the confrontation with his pops...” Justin closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, they’re shiny and wet. “He’s scared, Jules, and he has every right to be. Don’t break yet. This isn’t over between us. Not by a long shot. It’s a war, not a single battle, and I’m prepared to fight dirty if it means that we win.”
Justin is used to getting what he wants. I wonder what part of him will break when he realizes this time he won’t.
He climbs to his feet and heads into our bathroom, coming out with one of my pills. It’s been ages since I’ve needed one. I haven’t had a panic attack in probably two years. I stopped my depression medicine over a year ago. It feels like I’m going to need to get that prescription refilled.
He lifts the pill to my lips, and I part my lips without comment, bringing the water to my mouth and swallowing it down. Justin helps me stand, then, without a word, slips the yoga pants from my hips, allowing them to pool at my ankles.
He picks me up bridal style again and pulls the blanket away from the bed, opening a spot to deposit me on. He pulls the blanket up to my shoulders, and I burrow inside of it, not caring that it’s not even eight p.m.
He slides into bed beside me, his phone to his ear.
“Voice mail, dammit,” he mumbles, then after several seconds leaves yet another message for Remi, telling him that everything will be okay, and to please come home. He pulls the phone away and makes another call before bringing it back to his ear.
“Deb?” he says, and relief washes over his face. “I don’t know what happened, but Remi’s folks found out.” Even I can hear her ‘fuck’ through the phone. “I can’t reach him. He came here, told us it was over, left his house key, and took off again. Try to get a hold of him, will ya? Jules is not in a good place. I can’t go after him until I know she’s okay.”
I can’t hear her reply, but whatever it is, it’s enough to bring another brittle smile to my husband’s face.
“Thanks, Deb. Call me if you get a hold of him. I don’t care what time.”
Justin drops his phone, then, still fully clothed, pulls me into his arms.
At long last, with my forehead pressed against Justin’s chest, I start to cry.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.
TWO
REMINGTON
Within three steps, I’m jogging away from their door. Three more and I’m flat out running. It isn’t a long hallway. I hit the elevator with a thunk, the momentum of my body still moving forward when I reach the end of the line. My head and chest both hit hard against the metal of the doors, but I don’t care. I deserve the pain—that and so much more for what I did to them.
The sound of Julia’s voice—it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. She sounded broken, the way she gasped and whimpered all at the same time. I’ve heard her make those noises before, when my cock was buried inside her and her legs wrapped around my waist, but it never sounded like that. Like I’d sucked her soul out through a wound in her chest.
I smack the button a time or two, but when it becomes apparent the elevator isn’t going to magically appear, I pivot until I see the door for the stairs. I hit that door just as hard as I do the elevator, but luckily it gives under my shove.
