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My bikini is white, and I still have a bit of a tan. Although I’ve not been to the gym in a while, I’m still in pretty good shape. I never have really worried about how my body looked in a bikini before but then I realise that I’m worried about how Damien will see my body. He’s so handsome muscular and toned. He must have been with some very beautiful women. I hope he isn’t put off by my silvery stretch marks and curvy bottom.
“Come on in, the water’s not cold,” Damien shouts as he swims over to me.
I take a deep breath, take off my robe and slide in. As soon as I enter the water Damien is beside me. He puts his hands on my waist. He stares into my eyes, and I see nothing but desire. His lips meet mine with passion and force. His tongue enters my mouth claiming it as his own. His hands move down to my bum then he lifts me and wraps my legs around him. I tighten my legs and I feel his erection pulsing between us. His mouth moves to my neck and a trail of kisses and bites sends shivers down my body.
“I’m sorry Bella, I cannot resist any longer, I need to taste you, I need to be inside you.” I am putty in his hands.
“Take me Damien,” I utter breathlessly.
I don’t need to ask him twice. He pulls my bikini bottoms to the side and with one deep trust he is inside me. I wince with the sudden stretch and fullness but it feels so right, like I had been empty without him. He holds himself still and gives me a minute to adjust while making love to my mouth with his. I think I am seeing stars with the pleasure and emotions I feel right now. I never knew they were possible. He begins to thrust, slow at first. I can tell he’s trying his hardest to hold back but he’s as hungry as I am for this. The sound of the splashing water and cries of pleasure echo around the room. I take in every feeling, every sensation, every sound. I am not sure how long this ‘relationship’ will last with Damien but I am storing everything into my memory so that I will never forget it.
Once we come down from our euphoria, and I have reassured Damien for the hundredth time he was not to too rough and I am more than fine.
“It was perfect Damien, you are perfect.” We kiss for a little longer and exit the pool to dry off. We lie on some comfy loungers by the pool covered in towels and cuddle up.
“I need to go back home this weekend. There are some things I need to sort out regarding my house, plus I’d really like to see my family,” I explain.
“Would you like me to come with you?” Damien asks protectively.
“No, thank you. Not this time anyway. It’s complicated. My house I own with my ex-boyfriend John.” Gosh the thought of him now suddenly gives me a range of emotions- anger, sadness, anxiety, sympathy? I’m realising more and more how toxic our relationship was. I feel so foolish. “Our breakup wasn’t the easiest and we don’t have any contact with each other now. Our house is on the market but Chloe said he’s not been looking after it and he keeps disappearing for weeks so there’s been no viewings. I need to go and see it for myself, speak to the estate agent and to him.”
The thought of seeing him makes my stomach turn. Damien just listens. He’s nodding and looking intently at my face as if trying to read me. I have never spoken about John before- I’ve tried to block him out of my mind really. Damien gives me a big squeeze and kisses the top of my head.
“I’m here if you need me. Anything at all just ask,” he says.
The days at Kingston fly by. It’s a wonderful time of relaxing, eating, swimming, walking, cuddling, talking, laughing and making love. Love is what I’m feeling now and it’s really scaring me. I feel loved and I’m most definitely falling in love. Damien has made me feel so welcome in his home and he has treated me like a princess. But I just feel like it is all too good to be true. I feel like this fairy-tale will end. I don’t belong in this- in his life. I need to speak to Damien about where this is going because I need to save my heart. I’ve been through so much emotionally and I don’t know if my heart or brain could take much more hurt.
Damien has helped me realise a lot of things about my relationship with John and about myself. I will never let myself be controlled the way I was or be treated in such a way that I felt worthless. Whatever this is with Damien, it has made me stronger and I won’t ever put myself down ever again. I’m going to go back home his weekend and then I will speak to Damien when I come back. I want to keep my little fairy tale bubble going for a little longer.
Chapter 11
Bella
I stand on the platform of the tube station waiting for the train. I am once again filled with anxiety. People rush and shove all around me. The train pulls up and everyone pushes to get on. I’m knocked forwards and backwards from side to side and I can’t breathe. My chest is tight and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. I push back and get out of the crowd. I stand against the brick wall and catch my breath. Wow, I suddenly realise that I haven’t felt like this in such a long time. I think the last time was the day I moved to London. I have forgotten how to deal with it. I wasn’t prepared.
I stay there for about 5 minutes- a couple more trains pull in and out and people rush and push to get on. I take some deep breaths and stand behind the yellow line, feet firmly on the ground and when the train pulls up, I forcefully make my way on. I find a seat near the doors and sit hugging my bag feeling proud that I made it. It may seem so trivial to some but to me I’m proud of myself for not letting my anxiety stop me from doing I want to do.
The rest of the journey is much easier. I’m in control. I check and double check the times and platforms one hundred times but that’s how I stay in control. And now I’m here walking up the driveway of my parent’s bungalow. My mum opens the door as I approach.
“Bella, sweetheart, how are you? I’ve missed you!” she says as she pulls me into a big hug.
“I’ve missed you too mum,” I say breathing her in.
“Come on in, how was your trip? Are you hungry? What can I get you to drink?” she asks.
I smile. This is my mum, always trying to feed everyone. She’s so caring and motherly. She is the most caring and selfless person I have ever met. Growing up I thought all mums were like this; now I’m older I realise how lucky I am.
“I’d love a cup of tea please.”
She returns with china cups of tea on saucers and a plate of biscuits. My dad’s in his usual chair. I tell them my news and how much I am enjoying working and living in London. They look so proud and happy for me. They make “ooo” and “wow” sounds when I describe everything.
“We are so proud of you sweetheart, it’s so lovely to see you so happy.” And I know that she means every word. My mum definitely wishes I lived closer. I know she misses me terribly, but she would never tell me that. She saw how unhappy I was when I left, and knows that this is the best place for me at the moment. “What are your plans for today, Bella?” she asks.
“Well, I need to go to the house and see John. I’m not sure what’s been going on. I rang the estate agent on the train up here. She said she has numerous people interested in it but she can’t ever get hold of John to make a viewing. She said one time she went to the house as he wasn’t answering the phone and knocked on the door. Apparently, he answered and shouted at her to leave and used some very obscene words.” I explain.
“I’ll come with you. I’ve never liked that guy,” says my dad, But that’s a fib. He did like him, everyone does. Well did. Something has happened to John over the years; he’s changed. Then again, we were just 18 when we met and he was never going to be the same person as an adult.
“I’ll be fine dad. I need to speak to him on my own. Thank you though,” I say.
