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We could have had a wonderful life together. I wish I had died in that shooting at the youth centre so that Josh would have lived. He was a wonderful man. The kindest man I had ever met.
All I brought him was pain. He deserved so much more.
Bella has been with me since I arrived, but I can’t bring myself to talk to her. I have pretended to be asleep. She has talked none stop trying to comfort me. I have listened to her talk about our childhood, our nursery years right through to our adult. We had some great times. I have always looked out for her. But Bella no longer needs me. She has Damien, and with a new baby, she will be just fine without me. If only I had died too.
Once I am left alone, I will end the pain. I want to be with my love once again.
I hope he forgives me. I’m sure he will.
Bella finally stops chatting and falls asleep. I quickly take my opportunity.
I pull the canular out of my hand and use the sharpness of the needle to stab into the vein in my wrist. It goes in easily. The skin is very thin on the inside of my wrists, I can clearly see the blue of the vein running down my arm. I trace the vein with the needle. It’s tougher than it was going in, I have to press a little harder, but I manage easily enough. It’s less painful than I imagine.
Blood pours as it pumps out of the vein and spills onto the white bedding. It comes out quicker than I expect. The next wrist is harder to do as my hand is covered in blood. It is warm and sticky, it makes me lose my grip on the needle. After a few tries, I manage it. That wrist also spills as my heart pumps. I lay back and think about my life. I think about my mother and how she must have met Mr Graves. How long had she known him? Did she love him? So many questions I will never get answers to. Having a father like him I suppose it was inevitable trouble would find me eventually.
I can feel the bed getting wetter around me. I start to feel lightheaded. I close my eyes, relaxing, waiting to drift off into that deep sleep you can never be awoken from. I start to see bright colours and lights. It’s like when you stare at the sun for too long and your vision is like a kaleidoscope.
My body feels lighter. I enjoy the peace and release, but that is soon disturbed.
I hear loud noises.
Oh no.
I hear the sound of hospital alarms. I look down and see wires taped to my chest. I forgot to remove the heart monitor. The door bursts open with nurses who gasp at the sight of me. One of them bangs a button on the wall which sets off even more alarms. The nurses rush over to me and wrap my wrists in sheets. Holding my arms above my head they shout to other medics who enter the room. I close my eyes and let the tiredness take me away, hoping I have done enough, praying they didn’t get to me in time.
Hours later I wake up.
Well, it feels like hours. The blinds are open on the window and the sun streams in. I look down at myself. I am in a clean white bed and my wrists are bandaged. I’ve a new canular, a heart monitor along with a drip and a bag of blood hanging at the side of me. In the corner of the room sits a Kings security guard. He’s not one I recognise but he looks at me with sympathy.
“Hello Chole. I’m Frank. How are you feeling?”
I put my head back down, close my eyes and face the opposite direction.
Seriously, I can’t do anything right. Everyone will be watching me like a hawk now. Well done Chloe, you moron.
Minutes later Bella and Damien enter the room. Frank has obviously informed them I am awake. I stay still with my eyes closed.
“Chloe!” Bella throws her arms around me. She sobs into my neck.
“Talk to me Chloe, please.” I feel terrible for upsetting her like this but I just can’t bear the hurt on her face.
“Leave her to rest Bella. You stay here with Frank, I’m going to check on Josh.”
Wait?
What?
Did he just say Josh?
I sit blot up right in bed.
“Josh is alive?!” Damien stops on his way out of the door and turns towards me.
“Yes, by some miracle yes, he is Chloe. And he will be needing you to help him get better. So you better sort yourself out and be ready for when he wakes up!” He then turns and walks through the door. I can’t believe it. I look at Bella who looks heartbroken.
“It’s true? Tell me it’s true Bella. Is Josh alive?”
“Yes Chloe. He’s in bad shape and the doctor says he has a long road of recovery ahead of him, but he won’t be dying anytime soon. He is definitely alive.”
