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He grabs an apple from the bowl on the counter. “Two weeks from today, he will be thirty-eight. It won’t be an easy one, he shared his birthday with his twin brother. It is the first one without him.”
Another twist of the knife, I have to do something for him.
“I will make it special for him,” I say, scribbling a list if things I hope they can get for me, “Raul and you lot that lurk in the shadows, will have to help too.”
He chuckles and speaks. “Yes, ma’am. I will try get this all without him noticing.” He gives an exaggerated wink, and when he leaves, I am excited to have something to do — to look forward to. I put some dried pasta and flour on the tray for Raul to play with while I am busy cutting up the things we picked from the garden. I can freeze some of them for when we have bad weather again. This time I will be prepared for it.
I have planned diner for later and made a light lunch so Sal can have something when he comes in off the dock later on.
***
Keeping a secret on an island the size of a dime is not easy, even with only the few people here it has been difficult to hide our plans for Sal’s birthday. I noticed he slipped out of bed this morning without waking me like he has every day the past two weeks. He has been quiet and withdrawn all day. I can’t imagine the pain of waking on your birthday and the other half of you isn’t there, his loss is physical today.
There is a sadness hanging in the house, and even the little one is restless and fussy as I try to get everything ready without him noticing what I am up to. The poor oven has been on all day, and I make sure to move around so he can see me but not the cake I am making for him. I’m not stupid, I know he still watches me all the time. When he can’t have his hands on me his eyes are. His security team have kept him very busy with work all day, so busy I haven’t seen him around the house at all.
He has stayed in his office, and I wonder if part of it is his grief that makes him hide. I work my tail off in the kitchen, then setting the table, and when I know he is out at the dock I quickly put up the few decorations we managed to get. I look around and I am happy, I want him to feel special.
To feel loved.
I love him, I can try denying it, but my heart knows I fell in love with him before he even brought me here. Tonight is about showing him. I can’t say those words to him, not yet, but I can show him how much I care. Raul will be up from his nap soon, and I want to have him all dressed and cute for the celebration.
While I wait for him to wake up, I clean myself up, and change into an outfit Sal had them bring on the last boat, he chose a whole new — very sexy — wardrobe for me. Nothing I would have chosen before I came here but being here has changed me. I see the world through new eyes and have an appreciation for small simple things. I do not miss Gucci, or designer anything. None of it made me happy the way he does, no gifts required, just him.
I look at myself in the mirror, and the real me looks back. I like her, she is beautiful.
I hear the little one stirring and I hurry to get him dressed and ready for the birthday party, if you can call it a party when it is only us. “Come on, we are going to sing to Sal,” I say to him excited, and really hoping he is surprised. “It’s his birthday today. I will have to ask him when your birthday is. We will sing and bake a cake for you too.” He talks back to me in babbles and gurgles.
We wait in the dining room, he is fascinated by the few balloons I blew up. He giggles and tries to grab them. It’s almost five. They promised me they would bring him inside at five, sharp. I am nervously checking and double checking every detail I almost don’t hear the door close. He’s coming, and I am giddy with excitement. There’s so much love in everything I have done for this to be special, I hope he can feel it.
“Lucia,” he calls my name as he comes around the corner, and when he sees the room decorated, he stops in the doorway.
“Happy Birthday, Sal,” I say with a smile I can’t even try to hide, “I would sing but I am not made for a career in music.”
He just stands there, looking at the cake and food and decorations. Then he looks at me, and I can’t quite read his expression, so I go to him. I wrap my arms around him in a hug and kiss him. “I wanted to do something special for you,” I whisper, and he steps back from me.
“Why?” he asks, genuinely confused, “why would you do all of this for me?” Why not? Has no one ever made him feel special on his birthday? The look on his face tells me they probably didn’t.
“Because—” How do I tell him, what do I say? If I tell the truth I might ruin what we have. I can’t find a good enough lie, nothing fits. “Because I love you, Sal. This is what you’d do for someone you love.” His eyes lock with mine, and I wait to see if he says anything back. Sal pulls me into a tight hug and doesn’t let go for a long time.
I like being in his embrace, I am safe in these arms, then he kisses my forehead and speaks.
“Thank you,” he swallows, and I wonder if I am seeing the closest thing to him crying, “for this, for loving me, even when I don’t deserve your love.” Why would he say he doesn't deserve love? We all do. “You didn’t have to do this.” He looks at the cake, and I see his smile.
“I wanted to do it, I know I didn’t have to,” I reply, and as I do his staff come in and join us. There is laughter, wine, and smiles. They sing to him, and it’s terrible. I stand back and watch the men in the room all enjoy my cake, and it’s as if I am watching a silent movie.
There’s a dream-like moment where none of it is real, this is all just an illusion, and I will wake up from it. My family will storm the island and it will all be over — they haven’t showed up yet. Maybe he already killed them all and I am the only one left, I don’t think I would care. I love it here with him and Raul, I want to stay on this island forever. Reality is shit. I have no desire to go back to that life.
“Thank you,” Salvatore says to me as he helps me tidy up after an evening of celebrating him. “I haven’t had a birthday in years.”
I snicker. “You have one very year, we don’t get to skip. We’d stay twenty-one forever then. Men may like twenty-one, but I am not afraid of growing up.” Sal pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around my waist and looks down at me.
“You know what I mean, smartass.” He’s smiling, and when he smiles, I can’t help how my body reacts to it. “You said you love me.” He heard that, huh. I guess we are going to talk about it now we are alone again. “I love you, Lucia.” He says it, and my heart skips a beat or two. He loves me! “I am not supposed to love you, I was supposed to hate you. To kill you, but I love you.” He stops talking, holding his breath. I know he is still conflicted about his feelings, to him I am responsible for all he has lost. “I need to time to accept how I feel, to be able to say it without feeling like I am betraying them.”
I understand that he feels it, but saying it is different. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it. I won’t either if you don’t want me to. I wanted to show you today, I didn’t mean to say it.” In the arms of my enemy and my lover I stand there and just look at his handsome face.
“I felt it,” he speaks softly, “we don’t have to say anything, we can show.” Sal kisses me, he takes my breath away with his passion. Lifting me up, carrying me to his room, which is our room now.
CHAPTER18
