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“What’s wrong?” she asks me when I pick him up and hold him close to my chest for a minute.
“I have to go to St Luca for a few days, there’s a meeting I have to attend.” Her smile fades away, and she looks around this small rock in the ocean. It’s lonely here, and without me it will be even more so. “My staff will all stay, you won’t be alone,” I reassure her. They have everything they need here, and I know no one can easily get to them. It is safer than them coming with me.
“How long will you be gone?” she asks me. I can see how concerned she is already, and it kills me to leave her like this.
“A few days, maybe a week at most. I can’t tell until I get there.” I also won’t be able to openly communicate with her while I am gone, and that makes this even harder. Lucia puts Raul down on his play mat with some toys and stands up to talk to me.
“Okay, I guess,” she says, “what do I do if you’re not back in a week?” She asks a valid question. There is no certainty in our lives, anything could happen.
“I will be back, Lucia,” I say, not wanting her to worry.
“If you are not, I have to have a plan. I cannot die on an island in the middle of the ocean with a baby when we run out of supplies and you haven’t come home. So, we have to have a plan, a real one.” She folds her arms across her chest, pushing her boobs up, where I can’t help but look at them. “Sal, I am being serious.” She pulls my attention back to what’s important.
“If I am not back when the Russian boat docks at the end of the month, you all get on the boat. I will make arrangements with them before I leave to take you both to a place of safety.” It’s at least a backup plan, I won’t be gone that long. I want to be back here with them as soon as I can.
“Okay,” she says with a shaky voice and wish I could stay. That was our plan, stay here forever, just us. That was how I got to love her and keep her. “When are you leaving?” She looks at the baby who is making sweet sounds and trying so hard to crawl.
“In a few hours, I don’t have much time.” She nods and bends down to help him get his toy. “I’m sorry,” I apologize.
“You don’t have to be sorry, I know you have a life off this island,” she says with a smile.
“I don’t want anything that isn’t right here on this island, Lucia, but if I don’t go, they will take it as a betrayal.” I don’t need to explain it to her, her father, brothers, uncles — all of them live this life.
“It’s okay, Sal, as long as we have security here, and there is a plan I will be fine.” She kisses my cheek, and then my lips. Before she can pull away, I grab her face and hold her there, I kiss her like it’s the last time and the first time. Tasting the happiness I have finally found, savoring it all and wishing it could last forever.
Happiness has always been fleeting in my life, and for once I want my chance at having it last. Lorenzo got his, and it’s not selfish for me to want the same. “I don’t want to go, Lucia,” I whisper on her lips.
“I don’t want you to go.” She kisses me again, “I love you, Sal. I know I said I wouldn’t say it again. But I can’t help it — I love you.” Hearing her say it makes my heart swell two sizes, and I still don’t say it back, but she knows. Stepping back, she wipes a stray tear, and smiles at me. “Let me help you pack and get ready, he’s going to go down for a nap soon.” I recognize her expression, that’s her brave face, she wore it when she first arrived here too.
“I don’t need to take much, I have a house there.” I remind her of the life I had before this. “Let me finish up work, and we can have lunch together before I go.” I tear myself away and go back to the office, mostly to pull myself together. Why is it so hard for me to leave her, I have never been attached to people, places, or things. Lucia is different, and it’s like someone has taken a meat clever to my chest. It aches to know I will not have her sleeping beside me.
Once I have quieted the storm inside my head, I close off all my open tasks and make sure things can run smoothly without me for a couple of days at least. Once I arrive in St Luca I can check in and get updates from all my teams.
There is no way I can risk contacting the island in case someone is watching me, I will be cut off from her and Raul until I get back. Once I shut down my computers and prepare a flight plan, I go to find Lucia. The baby is asleep, and she is in kitchen making us lunch. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her. I am not ready to go — not yet.
“I made you lunch,” she says turning around in my arms.
“I don’t want to eat food,” I tease, kissing her, “I want to eat you instead.”
Lucia smirks and turns off the gas stove. She puts down the spoon she was holding and takes me by the hand to the bedroom. It feels final, like this is the ending of whatever we began here. Once the door closes behind me Lucia throws herself at me, wrapping herself around me. Holding on for dear life as I lift her up and carry her to the bed.
We make love, this is not like every other time we can’t keep our hands to ourselves. It’s quiet, and only our bodies talk, we touch and kiss. I commit every part of her to memory, even if it is only going to be a few days, I want to have her in my mind. My hands trace all her curves, and I draw every moan from her so I can save the sound clip for when I miss her.
It is not fast, or frenzied, this is slow. Each movement we make is an unspoken ‘I love you’. It is words we cannot say. It’s goodbye, it’s the beginning of the end of something — I can’t explain what I feel. Just that this, this lovemaking changes things. When Lucia looks into my eyes, I desperately want to stay and cling to her, to save whatever is breaking between us right now.
“Don’t say goodbye, just go,” she says rolling away from me, “I hate goodbyes, please.” She’s crying, and I don’t know what to do. I get dressed in silence while she lies curled up on the bed not looking at me. This is wrong, I shouldn’t be leaving them here, but I have no other choice.
“Lucia.” I sit down next to her, on the edge of the bed. Moving her hair so I can see her puffy red eyes. I lean down and kiss her cheek. “I will see you soon,” I whisper in her ear, and she squeezes her eyes closed tight. It’s getting late, I need to leave, as much as it hurts.
I look back at her once before I go, hoping I am not making a giant mistake.
CHAPTER19
Lucia
The house is eerily quiet. Even though Sal doesn’t make noise, he’s like a ghost most days. Just the fact we are alone, I think has made me more aware of the silence. All I can hear is the crashing waves against the rocks, and the seagulls squawking outside. When Raul sleeps, I have no idea what to do with myself, and it has only been half a day since he left.
I’m not stupid, I know Sal would have stayed if he had a choice. But something about him going back to his ‘real’ life and leaving me here struck a nerve. I may love him, but I am still his prisoner, I am still the daughter of his enemy. I am and always will be his revenge, and me loving him only makes it sweeter.
