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But then I imagine a big bear of a man with Des’s face, and I’m right back to square one.
TallDarkandHandy:You still there?
I bite my lip and glance down at myself. I’m wearing sleep shorts and an old T-shirt with holes in the neckline and under the arms. There are half a dozen stains down the front and on the shoulders, and it’s soft from being washed a thousand times. It’s so threadbare, it’s mostly see-through.
Now, I may be clueless when it comes to dating, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to tell a prospective lover that you’re wearing an old T-shirt that has nuclear-yellow stains with origins dating back to your daughter’s infancy. I couldn’t tell you which end of Bailey each stain came out of, but I’m pretty sure most of them originated from inside her body. The rest of the stains are coffee.
Mm, yes, I’m a sexy, independent woman wearing a decade-old T-shirt that wouldn’t be fit to wash the windows.
Yeah—that’ll go over well.
NaturalBlondie:I’m awake because I had a nightmare. I’m wearing a nightie. It’s my favorite one: light-blue silk with a little bow at the front.
A crash occurs from across the hall. I bolt off the sofa, the blanket sliding off my thighs to puddle at my feet. Tiptoeing to the front door, I press my ear against it. Did that noise come from Des’s condo?
There’s another noise, his voice, and it sounds like a curse. Should I go over there?
My phone vibrates.
TallDarkandHandy:You can’t put images like that in my head, Blondie. It’s dangerous for my health.
Vanity, thy name is Mia. I spin around to lean my back against the door, resolving to put my landlord-cum-neighbor out of my head. If he’s swearing, he’s probably okay. I wouldn’t want him to accuse me of caring about him. Showing up at his door at three o’clock in the morning because I heard a worrisome noise isnoton my list of most desirable activities.
Plus, there’s another man talking to me who actually makes me laugh, instead of only infuriating me. Maybe my date with this man could actually go well? Oh, please let him be attractive. I think I might actually like him—he’s funny and clever, and now (because of my little white lie), I feel a little bit hot and bothered. I needsomethinggood to happen. Or at least, I need a man to think about other than Desmond freaking Thomas.
NaturalBlondie:You don’t even know what I look like. How could a nightie be bad for your health?
TallDarkandHandy:I have a vivid imagination.
Before I can think up a suitably flirty (but not too sexual) response, he messages again.
TallDarkandHandy:What was your nightmare about?
NaturalBlondie:Same one I used to have when my daughter was a baby. I can’t take care of her properly and she gets taken away by some nightmare shadow creature. I try to run after her to get her back, but the faster I try to run, the slower I go. I end up completely alone, my feet encased in this disgusting black goo. It’s silly.
TallDarkandHandy:Doesn’t sound silly.
NaturalBlondie:That’s nice of you to say. It feels ridiculous to have nightmares as a full-grown adult.
TallDarkandHandy:Do you have Netflix?
I frown. That’s an abrupt change of conversation.
NaturalBlondie:Um. Yes?
TallDarkandHandy:There’s a new David Attenborough show on. You want to watch it with me?
Oh, this man is good. Please,pleaselet me be attracted to him when we see each other. If there’s no spark, I’ll be so incredibly disappointed. I find myself smiling at my phone, then with one last press of my ear against the door to make sure there aren’t any more noises coming from my landlord’s residence, I head back to the couch. Flicking to the app on the TV and finding the show, I message him back.
NaturalBlondie:Ooh. Big cats. My fave.
TallDarkandHandy:Press play in three, two, one…
I press the play button, snuggling deeper into the cushions and pulling the blanket over me again. A small smile plays over my lips. Yes, I’m still alone in this unfamiliar home, but knowing that someone on the other side of this phone is watching this show at the same time as me…it feels like a small, tenuous connection to someone else. I’m notquiteso alone.
TallDarkandHandy:The quality of the cameras they use is insane. You can see every single muscle on that lioness’s body.
NaturalBlondie:And every hair on the male’s mane.
