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“So,” I repeat.
She smiles. “I had fun today.”
“Surprisingly, I did too.”
Her hand comes up to stroke my cheek, the tender touch settling some old discomfort that had lived in the depth of my heart for decades. “I don’t know what to make of you,” she says quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“I thought after meeting your family, I’d have you all figured out. But apart from Maude and Arthur, you don’t seem to fit in here at all.”
A bitter smile touches my lips. “That’s because I don’t.” I sit on the edge of the bed and pull her down on top of me, nuzzling into her neck. Her fingernails feel like heaven on my scalp, her body small and warm in my arms. I want to tell her I love her. I want to pour my heart out to her and tell her that I don’t think I can live without her, but I’m not an idiot. I know that will scare her away.
A woman like Mia, who’s independent, who hasn’t had anyone to rely on but herself for so long—she doesn’t want professions of love. She doesn’t want promises. Maybe if I tell her who I am, if I explain why I’m so closed off all the time…maybe she’ll understand me. Maybe, of all people, Mia is the one who will accept me for who I am.
But maybe she won’t—and I can’t take the risk of losing her so soon.
So, instead of telling her I’m falling in love with her, I give her another truth. “Even after my aunt and uncle adopted me, I never felt like I was part of the family. I didn’t get a college fund like Vince and David. This room didn’t even have drywall when I lived here. I always felt like an afterthought. After my parents died, everything was confusing and it made sense that they would treat me differently. I wasn’t Wendy and Eric’s son, after all.”
“That’s awful, Des,” Mia says, her fingers making slow sweeps through my hair.
“I couldn’t afford college, so I started working for a general contractor as a laborer. I worked my way up, helped him expand the company, got a certificate in project management and grew the business like it was my own. Finally, I’d found someone who treated me like a son. He told me he’d give me the company when he retired. He walked me through exactly how it would work, how much all my help had meant to him, how muchImeant to him.” My fingers dip under the hem of her sweater, finding the soft, warm skin of her waist. I pull back and give Mia a sad smile. “I bought a house on his street. It was my first real home, the first place that felt like my own since I’d been eleven years old.”
“He was your family,” she says softly.
Bitterness coats the back of my throat. “Yes, until his real son returned from college with an MBA and zero work experience under his belt. They’d had a fraught relationship, but they were finally getting along. The old man retired—and gave the company to his son. His real son.”
That betrayal cut deeper than Wendy’s indifference. It hurt more than Vince’s bullying. My old boss going back on his word…that was true pain.
Mia says nothing, but her eyes speak volumes. They tell me she understands, she empathizes, but she doesn’t pity. She presses her lips against mine and kisses me softly, then cups my face with her palms and stares into my eyes.
“When I moved to Heart’s Cove,” I continue, voice raspy, “the only goal I had was to take care of my grandparents. They were the only ones who still talked about my mom and dad. The only ones who made me feel like I belonged in the family.”
“No wonder you acted like such a jerk,” she whispers.
A laugh falls out of me, and I lean my forehead against hers. I inhale the sweet scent of her shampoo—shampoo I helped lather into her hair a few short hours earlier. “I’m sorry for how I treated you, Mia. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was me on the app. I’m sorry I raised your rent so much.”
Her fingers tangle at the nape of my neck, reminding me of how it feels when she snaps the cape on in her barbershop. Her touch is soft, feathery, like her body is made of nothing more than air and light. “You had every right to raise the rent,” she says. “I was the one who was being unreasonable. For the past ten years, I feel like I’ve been constantly on the verge of panic. I’m one piece of bad news away from disaster all the time, with no safety net except what I can create for myself. I took that out on you. I’m sorry.”
I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be your safety net, your strength, your lover. I want to be your everything.
Instead of saying any of those words, I tilt my head and kiss her. She tastes sweet, melting into my embrace like she was dying to kiss me too. For now, that’s enough—because that’s all I’m going to get from her.
25
MIA
It’s beena long time since I felt a connection to another person like the one I feel for Des. I’m close with my daughter, of course. I’ve made new friends in town that have injected my life with laughter. But that’s different.
Hearing Des talk about his childhood and the betrayal of his boss gives me context for every interaction we’ve had since he first walked into my barbershop.
He’s just like me. He was abandoned, shoved aside, told to take care of himself. Just like I was.
Now I understand why he was rude when he put up the rent; it was the protective shell that he’d grown over his heart. It’s the same reason my temper is on a hair trigger, and why I’m so quick to toss people aside. It’s the same reason I ignore my attraction to him and put him in a box marked, “Arrogant Jerk. Do Not Open.”
If you push someone away, they can’t reject you. They can’t tell you you’re not good enough, or funny enough, or pretty enough—or simplyenough.
When Colin divorced me, it stripped me of my confidence. It made me feel like less of a person, because I wasn’tmeanymore. Not the carefree, happy woman, anyway; I was divorced, and I was Bailey’s mother. A new identity was shoved over me like ill-fitting clothing that I patched and altered to eventually make it fit. But it never truly felt like me—not the me I used to be.
