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I’m aware that I’m awakening at the sound of her voice in my dream, some whimper the like of which she breathed into my ear last night as I held her against me so she couldn’t move and fucked that open wet pussy she was offering me. She wasn’t bound and gagged as I would have preferred and yet pleasure surged throughout my body in scorching waves from the second I first entered her, to the moment, I shot my copious load inside her.
My eyes open a little to perceive a frail stream of light peeking through the gap between her thick curtains. It must be after eight which will make it the latest I've woken up in a long time. What’s more, I believe I slept most of the night which is unusual for me, not only because I’m not used to sharing a bed to sleep in, but because I wake every night, often several times a night, unable to go back to sleep.
I wonder for a second if it’s the alcohol that did it, but I recall her face nestling into the crook of my neck, as if unsure if I’d allow it and then her curled fingers pressing against my chest.
And then drowsiness…
The warmth under the duvet cover makes me shift a little, my eyes opening more. Every single thing about this feels unfamiliar—from sharing a bed, to wanting to, to wanting to watch her as she wakes up, to not wanting to leave…
I picture her last night, riding my cock, pushing herself down all the way to the root of me, moaning as she closed her eyes at the sensation. And then as I held her against me and fucked her tight wet hole, my hands couldn’t help but want to inhale every piece of her.
I don’t know how to navigate this thing I suggested. Day one and boundaries which make this doable are already crumbling. If I can’t respect the boundaries of our agreement, she won’t be able to.
I don’t know what the alternative is… A relationship with a man as disturbed as me?
I’d need therapy for a start. A lot of it.
She’d have to meet my fucked-up family, and the morally questionable people in my life.
And then, what would I do when the events I repress day in and day out overwhelm me, leaving me unable to speak, to get up, to go out, to be human for days or weeks at a time?
My world is so dark, both at work, and inside my own diseased mind. I don’t know if I can lead her down a path when I can’t be sure I can lead her out safely.
I never cared much before because I've never felt protective of someone like this. I've never felt someone’s pain before. I don’t even know how it happened to me, but as of right this second, the plan to fuck each other out of our systems is already faltering as I feel desperate to watch her eyes as they open for the first time, to listen to the sweet noises she makes, to watch her make me tea, an order she might accomplish with less attitude this time…
At the sound of a whimper, my eyes open wide, my body instantly awake, for this was not some whimper of pleasure or sigh of awakening, but something which makes my blood turn to ice.
As I turn to face her, I see her stir, locked in a nightmare, her body twitching as words fall from her lips.
“No. No. Please. No.”
I grab her arm, shaking it a little. “Indie.”
Her body convulses, her word a desperate scream. “No!”
“Indie!”
I shake her body, only for her to squirm a little, a desperate scream muffled in her throat.
“Indie!”
As her eyes open in a rush and her body begins to still, she peers into me as if not understanding. She pushes her weight backwards, sitting up, her breathing so labored that I feel the panting on my naked chest.
Her hands wrap around her knees and she dips her head as she catches her breath. Her body is misted in rivulets of sweat, every inch of her skin suddenly covered in them.
They take me back to my own nightmares, the ones I have of that day, seeing it happen over and over in my mind…
My fingers run over the slick skin of her lean arm. “Are you okay?”
She nods, her respiration audible. “I’m okay. Just… a bad dream.”
“Do you get them a lot?”
She lifts her head a little, her solemn jade eyes finding mine from between her long pink-tipped hair. As I push the strands to the side across her misted face, tucking them behind her ear, she flinches, getting to her feet, naked but for the short night dress she put on to sleep.
She paces a little, bristling, losing control. “I can’t do this.”
“Indie.”
