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As I revel in the pain I know he must feel, in the sight of the thick scarlet liquid still trickling onto his lips, I feel afraid of the pleasure I feel. And just as a modicum of concern creeps in over what I know is a fracture in his nose, my body turns cold as I watch my father’s expression morph—from pure rage into something else.
His eyes widen as he stands up straight and before I know it, the wrath dissolves as his lips begin to twist up, parting as they form some barbarous grin, as if an animal about to attack.
I swallow, shaking my head, not understanding until he speaks, the words slowly rasping from his throat.
“I always told you the truth…son. That you’re a beast… just like me. And that youwantedit. And I was right. So, I’ll let you have your fun, because it isn’tmeshe needs protecting from… It’syou. And once you realize that, you’ll come crawling back to the only woman you don’t have to hide from.”
His words leave me trembling, my body plunged into ice as I take a step backwards and another, turning to walk away.
As my feet take me unwillingly to the creature waiting for me in that car, I wipe a solitary tear from my face as I wonder if she’s cold, or if she’s afraid.
And if I’m about to drag her into hell…
58
Greyson
“You don’t have to carry me everywhere,” she moans.
“I enjoy carrying you,” I whisper into her ear before placing her down onto the steps of my house, bringing out my key and opening the door.
“Oh, you’re talking now,” she gripes after the wordless drive to my place.
I didn’t intend to not speak to her, but my body was frozen rigid, the words refusing to emerge. The same mutism happened to me as a child, a mechanism which kept me somewhat safe when I knew that expressing the riot of emotions I kept hidden would be met with wrath.
“How lucky I am that you’d finally gift me a word or two,” she snipes as she removes her shoes and coat, as I do likewise.
I take the purse from her hand and reach down and pick her up again, only this time, she doesn’t resist, perhaps understanding that her strength is no match for mine. I kick the front door closed behind us and carry her down the long hallway to the living room in silence, once again unsure who I even am anymore.
But then, do I know who she is? Despite my instincts and need for control, I agreed not to look into her. Hearing about her mother, her wealth is one thing, but the way she spoke about her stepfather reeked of secrets and traumas—something I understand well.
And if he hurt her, I may truly get my wish to rip someone’s throat out.
I place her down in the darkness, moving over to the tigerwood table to turn on a small lamp that emits just enough light to not startle her eyes. I place her purse down onto the wood.
She comes to stand square in front of me, not ten feet away, her pink hair laying over the modest dress I wish to rip from her body to undo the memory of my mother’s disdainful gaze roaming up and down her slim frame.
Her green eyes widen as she glares at me as if expecting answers I can’t provide.
“Why didn’t you speak?” she asks, her breathing shallow. “We can get through anything as long as we’re united. Remember all that bullshit you spouted at me before we walked in there?”
“I told you I’d try not to shut down, or to shut you out.” I shake my head slowly. “But there are times when it will happen. I can’t always control it.”
Her words seem to hurt her as she wraps her hands around her slim waist.
“Well, just so you know,” she says, “when you refuse to speak, it makes me feel rejected… and like… you’re hiding things from me.”
But I am, Indigo…
Things that would terrify you…
“I know.”
“You know?” Her brow creases, her eyes solemn despite the irritation tightening her jaw. “Is that all you have to say? What happened when you went back in there? I mean, you don’thaveto tell me. Maybe I’m just some replaceable bystander in all this? Some prop in a war between you and your family? If that’s the case, have I served my little purpose?” Despite her irate tone, tears fill her eyes and her bottom lip quivers a little before she bites it gently as if to stop it.
I close my eyes for a moment, aching to lick the saltwater from her skin, but not knowing if doing so will make more come, and come… until they never stop.
“That’s not what this was, Indigo,” I reply softly, opening my eyes to find them misting in tears as I watch a single droplet trickle over the perfect curve of her flushed cheek. “I had hope… I… I don’t know why. I don’t know why I’m still caught in their web. I don’t know what it is about him which draws me back over and over.”
