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I know you're fucking around, whore.
I hope you get fucked by a gang of—
I slam the phone down, my insides quivering as another shockwave of panic ravages me.
I file through any number of folders in my brain, trying to understand how he could have found where I was going on this trip which is clearly triggering the hell out of him.
I could drive myself mad wondering how he always seems two steps ahead.
My head tilts to stare at the ocean, the fizz of rough water lulling me out of my dark thoughts as the early morning waves foam into white as they hit the dark sand of the beach.
I close my eyes, inhaling the salty scent of the ocean, deciding that a swim will hopefully clean away the more vicious of his words, cleansing the crawling feeling of him on my skin.
I get up and pull my nightdress off my frame and drape it over my chair. I’m wearing a peach bralette and panties that I pulled on when I got up.
I should really go upstairs and grab my bikini, but I can’t be bothered. It’s before 7 a.m. and on this cloudy morning, there’s not a soul in sight along this quiet residential stretch of beach.
I open the little gate, trudge down the wooden steps of the deck, and amble down to the inviting water, my feet pushing into the spongy sand as I do.
The rush of strong waves calls to me as I try to shake off the contaminating poison of his messages. Just a few words from him seem to permeate my insides, leaving me shaking and unsettled, unable to think about anything else.
The water is colder and slightly rougher than yesterday, but my whole body relaxes as I wade in, the salty liquid lapping at my ankles, then knees, then hips. I suck in a deep breath and plunge my hands into the water as it hits my waist, making me shiver and forcing me to push on through and venture further so that the cold doesn’t hurt quite as much.
As the water reaches my nipples, I inhale a lungful of air to some vague noise I just about make out behind me over the tumbling whoosh of fast waves.
My momentum has me diving forwards, plunging my head beneath the surface and coming back up a few feet away, the shock of icy water cleansing my nervous system of some of the energy Micah does so love imparting on me.
I duck into the water and begin to swim, trying to focus on the wedding I’ll be attending later today. I have to get myself over to Carrie’s room in about an hour to do hair and make-up and get her ready, no doubt watched over by the ever-vigilant Anne who seemed to first decide she didn’t like me when I told her I wouldn’t be stripping the pink out of my hair for the wedding.
As I wade further, my body pushes against the strong current and I decide to go back after just a couple more minutes once the dark knot has untied in my belly.
I dive below the surface again to avoid getting whacked in the face by errant waves, letting the ungovernable mass of water tumble me about a bit if only to discharge the anxiety seeking to seize control of my body and send me into a panic, only as I come back up to the surface, I realize I’m being pulled away from the shore and not just by my own efforts.
Fuck.
As I’m yanked further out, I become aware of just how strong this tug of war is.
That’s all I need…
I've been in a rip current twice before, so I know how to handle them. I make a mental note not to panic as I did the first time, and just let it pull me, knowing the treacherous tide will dissipate about thirty feet out, at which point I can swim parallel to the beach to get out of it, as long as I don’t waste my energy beforehand trying to swim against it.
As I’m pulled out, I stay calm, kicking my limbs in order to do nothing but stay afloat, but as I look out, I see a large dark-gray wave approaching.
Dread seeps into my stomach as I inhale as much air as my winded lungs can manage and watch the thundering beast approach, closing my eyes at the last minute to be hit by it hard, the momentum forcing me under the water and knocking me about, rolling me over until I’m at least fifteen feet deep.
Realizing I may be deep enough to get out of the rip tide, I try to swim to the left, but the merciless tug of the current is still in possession of my body as I kick my legs frantically to get back up to the surface.
As I reach air, I gasp loudly, aware of the increasing panic leaching strength from my limbs.
Stay calm…
As I look out at the ocean, trying to see where the current stops, another wave approaches, only this time the wind is thoroughly knocked out of me as I’m slammed under the water, hearing the high-pitched and desperate noise that is ripped from my throat as I’m thrown about as if in a tumble dryer.
Indie…
Trying once again to swim out of the current, I realize in disbelief that I can’t. It’s too strong and all I can do is flail my body, twisting it to get back up to the surface and take a lungful of air just in time to be hit by another roaring monster of a wave.
This time, I manage to dive beneath the water before the waves hits my head, but it doesn’t stop the perilous maelstrom from dragging me under, only now my internal pleas to stay calm no longer work as the sudden hell of primal fear seizes me and I begin to kick wildly, desperate to reach the surface before another wave hits.
