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Kissing was not something he had indulged himself in.
It was not part of paying for sex.
And it was not part of control.
There was no control in this at all.
He had given sex away with no thought at all. For many, many years. He did indulge in all manner of depravity. And yet this was somehow new. This was like an entirely different experience. When Athena took his hand, he felt like a virgin. When Athena had pulled his dress shirt onto him, buttoned it for him, it had felt more erotic than anything he had ever experienced.
And when she kissed him, she branded his soul.
He was jaded and hardened, scarred and he had no defenses against this. This was unlike anything. She was unlike anything.
And that was why he had to release her.
He stepped away.
His heart was raging, his body begging for him to take her. Begging for him to put her back in the car and lay her across the back seat and have his way with her.
But he would not. Because the man that he was, that man would have done so. That man would’ve taken this moment meant for her, and he would’ve made it his own. That man would have kept her under lock and key simply to satisfy his own needs. He would not do that. Not to her. Because she would not be another casualty of his casual lust. Of his need for control. Of his utterly bankrupt soul.
She would not be his victim.
Because Athena was too glorious to be anyone’s victim.
She would walk on. Free of him.
And she would soar.
He knew that she would. Because she had been glory and strength personified from the moment he had first seen her, even curled up in the bottom of that hovel. Even that had spoken of her strength.
“Go,” he said, cupping her chin with his thumb and forefinger, brushing away the water droplets on her lips. “You have found the life that you were meant to live. You have found your freedom. Take great joy in it.”
And then it was he who turned away from her.
He got in the back seat of the car, for he could no longer drive. He told his driver to take him away from there.
And he knew then that he was as much a prisoner now as he had ever been. He still couldn’t drive. He still couldn’t have her. He was still scarred.
And he would go back to the castle. One successful launch event did not heal wounds as deep as his own. There was only one thing in his life that he could feel remotely proud of.
He had set her free.
If he could not have changed. If he could not have healing. If he could never himself be whole, then he would have that.
It would have to be enough.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ATHENAWASSHAKING, from the inside out by the time she walked up to the door. She heard Cameron’s car pull away, and something broke within her. She was about to meet her family. And she was elated to have come this far. Filled with joy at finding them, and yet... She would be leaving Cameron behind. And that felt devastating. That felt like a blow she was not certain she could recover from.
Look at everything you have lived through. This will not crush you.
But she had to kiss him. And it was...
She closed her eyes for just a moment, and relived that. The glorious crush of his mouth against hers. His heat and his strength. Her desire to be closer, closer still, the realization that she would never be able to be close enough.
She had been such a childish thing when she had first met him. Her notions of romance had been so soft.
