Page 50 of Blade and Tether


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My face flushes. “Who says that the reward is going to be something sexual? Maybe I just want an ice cream sundae.”

“A banana split?” Hardin suggests snickering and I elbow him in the stomach hard. He lets out a pained laugh. “Oh, come on, love, that was funny. Admit it.”

Fielder finally adds, “I’m with Gideon on this one.” I let out a sound of protest and he smiles at me apologetically. “I know you’re capable, Sweeney, but you’re also going to be going to class and filming. Spellwork should come second.”

“Filming should come second,” Hardin says, and I twist to glare at him. He looks down at me. “What? You don’t need the money anymore. You’re with us. We’ll cover any unexpected expenses that come up.”

I straighten away from him, ignoring the gentle tug of his hands, while Ezra lets out a whistle and Gideon shakes his head and says something like, “you are such a fucking idiot.”

Then I take a deep breath and say as calmly as I can, “I am not interested in your money, Hardin Yorke. I never will be. I am more than capable of earning my own. Beyond that, it’s not justmyexpenses that I have to worry about, you ass.”

“Ro, that’s not-” I hold up my hand to stop him.

“I will not be a kept woman, Hardin. We aren’t even technically dating. I don’t want you to pay for everything for me. I want to work.”

He runs a hand through his hair and nods. “I didn’t mean it like that, love. You have to know that. I meant that you’re a student and you shouldn’t be working as hard as you are, while also going to school and trying to learn this new part of who you are.”

Ezra reaches out to me and tugs me away from Hardin until I’m standing between his legs, his hands on my hips. “What he means is we care about you and want to help where we can. We have a ridiculous amount of money and if we can relieve some of the pressure of you feeling like you need to earn money for your mother, we’d like to do that.” I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off. “But with that said, if you want to keep filming, of course keep filming.”

I scowl. “Thank you so much for the permission, Carmichael.” But then the fight goes out of me because I understand what they’re saying. I have been doing this for so long, trying to help my mom when I can because I feel so fucking guilty that she’s a single parent. It’s my fault.

I can’t remember the last time I actually got a full night of sleep. I’m usually studying or editing or filming an ASMR video since the sweet spot for those is the middle of the night when the world is asleep and silent.

I sigh and lean into Ezra while he kisses my temple. “I understand what you mean. And I appreciate it, but I can’t just stop.”

Fielder shifts on his stool. “That’s true. How would Gideon fall asleep if he’s not watching one of your videos?”

“Well, she could always just give me a private showing,” he growls. I can’t fight the blush that moves over my cheeks.

I shake my head. “Not while you’re letting blondie feel you up.”

His eyes narrow at me. When he doesn’t say anything, I openThe Basics of Witchcraftand move back to my stool perching on the edge. “I guess I’ll get started.”

I manage to give Fielder the slip after my last class of the day by slipping into the girls’ restroom, and then climbing out the window. It’s crazy, I know, but I need space. I know they aren’t going to give it to me. Not in the slightest.

I both loath and appreciate it.

I appreciate it because today was the first day in a long time that I’ve walked the halls without a single insult being hurled at me. I also haven’t seen Morgan once and I assume that has to do with them swapping her out of all my classes and I even suspect they’ve put her in classes on the other side of the campus from mine at all times.

Still, I need space and time to digest everything I’ve learned, including the first three chapters ofThe Basics of Witchcraft, which really just talked about the theory behind magic and spells, and while it was fascinating, it was also pretty dry. I can’t imagine reading it as a child and enjoying it. But I suppose that isn’t really the point.

Anyway, after I’ve slipped out of the restroom window and made sure my skirt isn’t tucking into my underwear or anything, I hurry across campus and toward Hawthorn and the swimming pool housed in it.

If Fielder thinks about it, I’m sure he’ll figure out where I’ve gone, since he shares a love of the sport with me, and he must have an idea that it will help me figure out what exactly is going on in my mind.

Even though there are students all over campus, I’m not foolish enough to think that I’m safe, but I feel some amount of protections as I spot the security cameras along the paths. I know Cohen will keep an eye on me, even after his hurtful words, and that helps somewhat. I should try to work it out with him, see if he actually thinks I’m a whore or if he was lashing out because he’s worried.

I frown at the thought. Either way, it’s not okay, and he needs to know it.

But then… Hadn’t my four shadows said the same and so much worse during the last two terms? And yet, I’m thinking about forgiving them.

I shouldn’t, but it’s there. Just like I’d felt that pull toward them even when they were torturing me. I feel it tugging on me, the need to forgive them, to make excuses for them, to just accept their reasons why they treated me the way they did.

But if I do that, doesn’t that make me weak, too soft, too easily led astray?

There’s a loud bang as I yank open the door of Hawthorn with a little more force than necessary and head toward the girls’ locker room. I have spent so long working on not feeling weak, on building myself up to being confident and able to handle anything thrown at me, but I just can’t escape the feeling that as soon as I forgive them all of that will come crumbling down. I’ll be vulnerable and they’ll have the very real ability to decimate me. Not just physically, but emotionally.

I can’t risk it.

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