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Fielder.Fielder has found me.
Tears of relief spill from my eyes as I turn onto my side, curling into the fetal position as sobs wrack my body. What a waste of this beautiful air around me, but I can’t seem to stop. I’d been so damn close to dying.
I’d thought since I’d come so close to death when I was twelve, I’d hardened myself to the reality of dying, that I will die at some point, but I definitely hadn’t. If this has proven anything, it’s that I’m still very much terrified of that inevitability.
I try to sit up, try to move from the bottom of the pool, but I’m still pinned, still held by an invisible force and my shaking muscles aren’t any match for the magic pressing against me. I roll onto my back again and blink up. There are two forms now. The second is taller than Fielder, but thinner. Hardin.
The longer I lie there, staring up at them, the more panic and doubt creeps in. Was this some kind of trick? A way to prove to me that I need them? That I need to have them near me for protection? Why are they taking so long to get me out of here? Is the magic holding me that strong? Or again, is it a way to make sure the reality of my situation sinks in? That I am helpless in this new world, that I need them to teach me how to survive?
The water on my body drips off, pools on the tiles around me. I’m nearly dry by the time I feel a lightness come over me and I try sitting up again. This time it works and the air bubble moves with me, keeping me clear of the water as I stagger to my feet and move to the edge of the pool. I’m just tall enough to stretch the top of the edge of the pool with my outstretched fingers, but I definitely don’t have the strength to pull myself out, but thankfully I don’t have to.
Strong hands grab mine and tug me up and out of the pool, passing through the thin layer of water remaining. I collapse as soon as I’m out, trembling on the white tiles, and Hardin and Fielder crouch next to me. Fielder tugs the swim cap from my head while Hardin wraps a towel around me. They’re murmuring words to me, or maybe more like around me. Most of them I don’t understand, so I think it’s probably some kind of spell.
But then suddenly Fielder is gripping my shoulders and shaking me. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
“Easy, mate,” Hardin says, smoothing a hand down the back of my head. “She’s been through enough without you yelling at her.”
I shrug off both their hands, try to stand only to sink right back down again, my trembling legs unable to hold me. “I was thinking,” I rasp out. “That I needed some space to think and to breathe.” The irony is not lost on me. I’d needed to breathe and instead I’d found myself in a position where it was something I literally couldn’t do.
Fielder’s face softens. “We’re going to work on getting you that space, on getting you to where you can protect yourself. But for right now, Sweeney, we need you to stay close to us, so something like this doesn’t happen again.”
He’s not wrong. I hate that he’s not wrong. Whether this was them to get their point across or someone else, I need to stay close to them until I can learn to take care of myself, until I don’t need their protection any longer. Otherwise, things like this might keep happening.
I nod. “Fine.”
“Don’t sound so thrilled about it, love.”
“I’m not thrilled about it,” I snap back. “I meant it when I said I can’t trust you yesterday. Imeantthat, Hardin. And being around you all the fucking time is hard because of that.” I shake my head and jerk a hand at the pool. “I don’t even know if that was you making a point.”
They both jolt back like I’ve hit them, hurt in their eyes. Guilt gnaws at me, but I push it away. I can’t forget what they’ve already put me through.
“You’ve tried to help me by hurting me before. Who’s to say this isn’t that? That you pulled something like this to prove how unsafe it is for me to be away from you?”
“Rosalind-” Hardin starts, anger and agony clear in his voice.
But Fielder shakes his head at him. “No, she’s right. We treated her like shit, dug up her secrets, and used them against her to keep her safe. We let others threaten her life, hurt her, made her think she was imagining things and going crazy because we wanted her to be safe.” Hearing him list all the ways they hurt me has my chest aching all over again and not because of the lack of oxygen I just suffered through. “It makes sense that you don’t trust us, Ro.”
He meets my gaze. “I understand why you feel the way you do, but I can promise you that this wasn’t us. That we will never do something like this again. That what happened in the last two terms will not happen again, not by our hands, and we will do everything in our power to keep anyone else from doing it as well. Okay?”
I swallow and nod, even as I say, “Those are just words, Harris. You can vow up and down that you won’t hurt me again, but it doesn’t mean it’s true.”
It’s his turn to nod. “I know.”
The door leading to the hall and the locker rooms slams open and the sound of pounding feet reaches us. Ezra and Gideon drop next to us. Ezra grips my shoulders and makes me look at him. “You’re okay?”
I nod, wordlessly. Then force myself to my feet again. I make my legs hold my weight even as Gideon stands too, one of his hands cupping my elbow to offer support. I refuse to take it.
“I’m going to go change,” I mutter, stepping away from them. It shouldn’t surprise me when all four of them follow me, hovering, ready to catch me if I fall. At the door to the girls’ locker room, I make them wait outside. Even though I can tell they want to follow me there, too.
Still, stripping out of my wet swimsuit in front of them isn’t something I want to face. “I promise I’ll be quick.”
“You have five minutes, Sweeney, and then we’re coming in.”
I roll my eyes at the threat, but I recognize it for the truth it is. Of course, they’ll come storming in if I’m not fast enough. It’s the only reason I don’t bother with taking my suit off. Instead, I just shrug my shirt on over it, pull up my skirt, kick my feet into my boots, and then stuff my remaining articles of clothing into my bag.
As a result, I’m pulling open the door in about two minutes instead of the allotted five. They’re all huddled together, talking in voices that don’t quite reach me. It’s just the indistinct mutter of their voices, but I can’t make out any words. I realize they must be using one of Fielder’s silencing bubbles. It doesn’t silence the conversation, but garbles it, making it impossible to make out what is being said.
That they’re using one around me hurts, has my spidey senses tingling. What conversation are they having that they don’t want me to overhear? What are they keeping from me?
