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But could I trust her? Could I trust that she hadn’t been placed in my life to fuck me over? Or worse yet, to kill me?
I didn’t know. I really didn’t know, and that was what bothered me. This whole thing was rapidly turning into a ball of yarn that had no easy way to disentangle.
Rubbing a hand over my face, I mentally made a list of what could happen if I decided to throw caution to the wind and trust her. Maybe we could pull something out of this relationship. Maybe we could do more than just be a good fuck.
Because if I didn’t, then nothing would change. That was for sure.
But at the same time, our arrangement was the one constant in my life. Both of us knew what to expect from each other. Neither of us had surprises. At least, none that were plainly visible. And if nothing else, I needed some stability in my life right now.
There was hardly anyone that I could trust other than Boris, but Boris couldn’t be near me all the time. Especially not here in Chicago, when he had other responsibilities.
A small chuckle escaped me. Maybe it was appropriate for me and Elia to be together, never trusting each other. Maybe we had more in common than we thought.
When I entered the darkened penthouse, I pulled off my coat and removed my guns as I made my way to the bedroom, pausing at the doorway. Moonlight spilled in from the floor-to-ceiling windows and lit up the woman that occupied my thoughts far too much these days.
Elia was asleep, her hands tucked under her head and the sheet baring her shoulders. My cock stirred to life as I took a step inside the bedroom before I found myself faltering. I didn’t need her tonight.
No, that wasn’t true. I fucking needed her like the very air I breathed. Any time I was in the same room with her, I wanted her clothes off and her wet pussy wrapped around me. The need to have her bare skin touching mine was like a drug that I was hopelessly addicted to.
At first I had thought it was just because she was a good fuck. But now, I realized that it must be something else.
Something more.
Backing out of the bedroom, I stalked back down the hallway to the living room. I wouldn’t wake her tonight. I needed to think through this relationship between us and figure out what the hell I wanted out of this marriage first.
After pouring myself a drink, I stepped out onto the balcony, letting the evening breeze ruffle my hair. The city was alive beneath me, the steady stream of headlights painting the streets like a pair of dueling snakes.
I had no reference point for a marriage that wasn’t a business transaction. Mother was always drunk, and Father had ignored her to the best of his abilities.
It was no secret that neither of them was faithful. They at least had had the common courtesy not to bring their latest flings home at the same time. That was the one and only rule they both abided by.
I didn’t want that in my life. Hell, I would rather be single than be in a miserable relationship with someone I couldn’t stand to be around.
Taking a sip of my whiskey, I rubbed a hand over my face. My rapidly growing feelings for Elia were clouding my own judgment.
Maybe Alya was right, I thought amusedly as I drained the whiskey in a gulp. Maybe Ishouldre-evaluate my thoughts when it came to my wife. After all, she was my wife and the mother of my future children, whether I liked it or not.
And for all I knew, she might already pregnant this moment, given how much sex we’d been having since our wedding.
But where to start?I asked myself. And the frightening truth was: I didn’t know.
Chapter Nineteen
Elia
Two Weeks Later
I tipped my head up to the sun and closed my eyes, feeling the wind tug at my clothing and hair. I had given up long ago trying to tame it here in Chicago, allowing it to blow around my head however it wanted to. I probably would pay for it later on when I tried to detangle the knots, but today was just so perfect that I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Opening my eyes, I took in the presence of my husband a few feet away, commanding the sailing boat like he had been doing it all his life. Aleksey was dressed down in a T-shirt and khaki shorts, with a pair of dock sliders on his feet. His sunglasses kept his eyes hidden, but it wasn’t hard to see that he was totally in his element right now. The huge, relaxed grin on his face gave that away.
I had never seen him so happy as this, so not himself.
“What?”
His deep voice carried in the wind, and my cheeks burned that he had caught me staring at him.
“Nothing,” I replied. “It’s just, you look so comfortable behind that wheel.”
