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My shoulders slump and I shut the door after her, feeling less than triumphant after all. She has a point—I could’ve made a difference like I’ve always dreamed, yet in the final stretch, I’m breaking apart and fumbling my lifelong goal.
All because I’ve let in my darker impulses, I’ve let my ex-boyfriend once again turn my world upside down.
I press my phone to my ear, my fingertips ghosting across the base of my throat where my necklace should be. “Pick up the damn phone, Jon.”
* * *
Salvatore never calls me back. I quit pretending I’ll be productive at city hall at all and pack my things up. On my way out of the office, Mariette, the legal secretary, calls out to me, letting me know that Judge Ramsey has requested my presence in her chambers. I pretend I don’t hear a word and catch the elevator before it leaves the floor.
The layers have officially peeled back without my consent. The mask I’ve worked so hard at wearing has slipped away, and as I ride the elevator to the ground floor, I find I’m powerless to do anything about stopping its inevitable fall.
The truth is out—I’m a fraud, and I can no longer pretend.
I’m not the perfect Delphine Adams they think I am.
I stride into the lobby clutching my briefcase with my heart twitching uncomfortably in my chest. I’ve never felt more exposed, a spotlight shown onto me like some great reveal. Several clerks I’m cordial with bustle past me, meeting my eyes inconspicuously enough. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling they see me—they all finallyseeme.
Erick, the head security guard, holds the door at the front open and wishes me a good afternoon. I can barely paste a smile on in time. It wouldn’t surprise me if he can tell I’m faking.
I’ve lost the ability to pretend.
On the chaotic city street outside, I wander half a block and then stop. A couple of people walking behind me almost crash straight into me; they go around, throwing me vexed looks from over their shoulders.
I lean against the jagged brick wall of the coffeeshop next door, and force fresh air into my lungs. Slow and steady, I breathe in and then out using the same technique my therapist taught me. It’s no instant solution, but after a minute or two, my nerves settle. The intense sense of paranoia fades.
I’m okay. No one knows anything about what I have or haven’t done.
My gaze lands across the heavily trafficked street. The Northam Police Department sits directly juxtaposed to city hall, its building equally as sturdy and imposing. I do nothing but stand and stare, watching a couple patrol cars turn in and out of their underground parking entrance, and citizens breeze by with barely a glance.
Is Commissioner Flynn inside? Is he currently in his office panicking over what to do about NorthamNeptune123?
Mayor Bernstein has already been exposed. The media has been whipped into a frenzy over the scandal. Former aids and employees of his have all begun to come out of the woodwork to air out any past indiscretions. Some with validity and others, questionable sources.
The word is he’ll be resigning any day now… which would mean Dad would be uncontested and automatically elected into office.
It’s only a matter of time before NorthamNeptune moves on to his next victim. Whether that’s me or Flynn, somebody’s going down. Another scandal to rock Northam.
But if there’s a chance my life will implode any moment now, I’m damn sure not going to make it easy for him. I’m going to put up a fight.
Take him down before he takes me down.
The epiphany slams into me, leaving me with a clarity that’s almost beautiful in its honesty. In how real and true it feels, like I’m seeing the world around me without rose-colored glasses I’ve worn my entire life.
Since I was a small girl, I’ve worked tirelessly to be perfect. Straight A student, model daughter, and rockstar prosecutor. I’ve carefully crafted a life that’s flawless from the outside looking in, and I’ve dedicated myself to cleaning up the streets with a level of altruism that many would say was foolish and naive.
Salvatore said I saw the world in black and white when it’s really shades of gray.
Yet Dad always told me there was a hard line between good and evil. Law and lawlessness.
Two conflicting, diametrically opposed viewpoints that have left me feeling like I’ve been engaged in a tug-of-war.
But I don’t need Salvatore or Dad to espouse what they believe—for the first time, in my heart, I realize whatIdo. I know what I have to do next, and I know that nothing and no one can stop me. Not Salvatore. Not Dad.
I’m done giving a damn about what anyone else wants or thinks. None of it matters when I can’t physically stand to be inside my own skin another second like this. I can’t go another moment as a fraud, pulled in so many different directions.
I’m going to take back control and do things on my terms.
Digging around in my purse, I fish out my phone and call Salvatore. One last message I’ll leave him, already with the knowledge he won’t answer. The second the beep goes off, I rattle off what’s on my mind.
