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My cheeks heat.
“Don’t be,” he continues. “They’re all old and ugly. Besides, nobody compares to you.” Anger fills his eyes. “But you already knew that.”
I squirm and pick up my utensils. “Let’s eat. This is a nice meal and we shouldn’t let it go to waste.”
“Yes, let’s not waste a meal,” Balthazar says with a bitter laugh. “Friendship however, loyalty, compassion...those things are trivial. Let’s throw those in the trash.”
“That’s now what I meant,” I say carefully and he raises his brows, shrugging as if he doesn’t care but it’s obvious that he does. “And I did miss you when I was abroad.”
“Quit it.” His eyes flash like two torches. “Your attempts at fawning only annoy me.”
“I’m not lying, Balthazar.” I take a deep breath. “I did miss you. After I left, I sat by my desk every day and thought of what to say to you. And I wanted to come visit...”
“But you didn’t,” he interrupts. “Actions are what matter, Tsarina. Not wishes.”
“You’re being so harsh on me...,” I complain and his expression turns rough.
“And before I was too soft and look where it got me. I’ve learned my lesson.”
He trails off and I look down, not knowing how to deal with this. Everything I say seems to set him off. Suddenly feeling unhappy, I force myself to cheer up. I’m not going to let him ruin my stay here. Besides, the storm is still going strong outside.
Not that I’d want to leave if it wasn’t. I want us to sort things out. I want things to be like they were.
“They told me about you in the village,” I begin and he raises his brows. “What’s this whole thing about you defeating the guerilla?” He shrugs and I add, “You’ve turned into a legend.” A smile curves my lips. “They keep statues and amulets of you.”
“Peasant superstition,” Balthazar snorts, swiping his drink. “What’s worship when you don’t care about the worshippers?” He gives me a glare and my body turns into pure heat.
He wantsmyworship. Not theirs.
“Still, I’m sure you’re very flattered,” I try but he seems to disagree, muttering something about needing assistance and not flattery. “But the stories are exaggerated I’m sure. There’s just no way you took them down all on your own.”
Balthazar’s eyes narrow. “You always had little faith in me. Always thought I’d never be able to protect you, never be able to give you what you want...”
“Don’t say that,” I plead. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. And let’s not argue. You were telling me about your victory.”
“Thirty against one,” Balthazar finally says. “Winter roared and they had surrounded this castle...though it was a fort back then. I thought I wouldn’t survive but the strength that came over me...it was otherworldly.”
“How did you find it?” I whisper as the tension between us grows and grows until it feels like the storm isn’t just outside anymore. He holds his words for a moment as if not knowing whether to tell me or not but I want him to say them.
“I found it in you. Thoughts on you were what sustained me, memories of you were what empowered me. I was keeping Karthusia safe just in case you one day would come back...” He trails off as if he’s said too much and a tear trails down my cheek.
Balthazar’s eyes harden. “After you left there was enough rage in me to slaughter them all. One by one they fell. I was driven mad with longing. Still am.”
My voice chokes and I’m about to say something when he shoves his food into his mouth but spits it back out on the plate and I gawk. “What’s wrong?”
He looks away. “Lost my appetite. Everything tastes too sweet now that you’re here.”
Struggling to come up with what to say next, I take a sip of my wine before murmuring, “Do you want me to tell you about my life in America?” I say in a sing-song voice as I brush off the waterworks.
His eyes coarsen, his expression turning murderous. “No.”
I squirm. “You have to be at least a little bit curious.” Dragging a breath, I add, “I work in luxury retail, got my own little apartment and it’s just the cutest thing. Sometimes during the week, I go swimming in the ocean and when the weekend comes...” I burst into a laugh, “party time with my besties...”
“Enough!” Balthazar growls, slamming his fist on the table and I twitch. “I couldn’t care less about your little life in your country or your little job or your little friends.” His chest heaves from his inhale and I stare at him.
Letting out a furious curse, he rises and storms out of the dining room. A cold draft blows my way and I shiver. He’s being unreasonable. Hopefully by morning, he’ll come to his senses.
****
