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I smile. “It’s so sweet of them, Harrison. You really have the best friends.”
“We,” he corrects. “We have the best friends.”
I nod just as Ellie squeaks a tiny newborn squeal in her car seat. It is most likely the start of a cry, and Harrison jumps into action before I can even think about moving to quiet her.
“Hi, little angel of mine,” he says in the sweetest freaking voice. “We’ll be on our way soon. Home to rest and recover, and then right back into filming with your mommy. You’ll see, Ellie. Your mom is one of the most beloved people in the whole world.”
I shake my head with a smile as he keeps talking, rubbing the tip of his thumb across her tiny cheek. “But you’ll never have to worry. We’ll always love you more.”
All of a sudden, though, it hits me like lightning.
The sour gut at the mention of filming. The absolutely torturous churn that overpowers it at the reminder the whole world is watching—and will soon know that Ellie has made her debut. Dealing with Heidi and the fallout from having to completely revamp my team.
It all sounds…horrible.
And I don’t think I want to do it.
Actually, scratch that.
I know I don’t want to do it.
I know I don’t want to live that life anymore. I want privacy and calm and quiet and motherhood and family. I want all the things I haven’t had since I was a child myself.
Maybe I’ll change my mind at some point, but right now, I don’t want hustle and bustle. I want to be a mom. I want to snuggle and cuddle my baby, and I want to do it without worrying about dieting and binge-exercising to get my mom body under control for the Hollywood critics.
Most people would probably think I’m being impulsive. That I’m high on birth hormones and Hollywood-style trauma or something crazy like that. But this doesn’t feel impulsive at all. This feels like it’s been a long time coming. For the past decade, I think I’ve been on the path to burnout. And I am officially burned-the-fuck out from Hollywood and LA and the crazy schedule I’ve been at the mercy of for far too long.
I just want this. Right now. This moment.
And I want it here. In New York. With our friends.
“Harrison,” I say, the sudden need for urgency diving into my veins and making this impossible for me to ignore. I know what I want for my life, and I want that life—Harrison’s, Ellie’s, and my life, our life—to start right now.
“You won’t believe it, Ellie,” he coos, smiling down at our daughter. “The buildings are so tall, and there are so many people.”
“Harrison, I need—”
“But they pretty much keep to themselves, sweetheart, so you won’t have to worry about vultures like you will in LA. That’s where they really—”
“Harrison!”
He jerks his head around suddenly, clearly hearing me for the first time as a result of being so enamored of our little girl.
I don’t mind, though. Because as soon as he gets a look at my face, there’s nothing in the whole world that’s more important to him than listening to what I have to say. “Yeah, baby?”
God, how’d I get so lucky with a man like this?
I honestly don’t know, but I swear on everything, I will spend the rest of my life being nothing but grateful. Grateful and living in the moment, actually enjoying life with my little family.
“I…I don’t want to go back to LA,” I admit out loud for the first time ever. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be, this drastic change I’m signing up for, but oddly enough, there is so much freedom in that. So much freedom in being in complete control of my life. “I want us to stay here, in New York, as a family. I don’t want to be consumed with work and crazy schedules. I want to be around our friends instead of all the fake people out there, and I want to focus on just being a mom.”
Normally, I’d be locked into ironclad contracts, but the timing is actually kind of perfect. Since I was so close to popping out this kid anyway, Highlander had already shot the rest of my scenes for the season ahead of the cast—part of what I spent my last ungodly-long day doing—and had several options for writing my character out of the show completely. And thanks to my planned maternity leave, I hadn’t committed to anything else yet either.
Harrison searches my eyes for a long moment. If he’s wondering how I’ve gotten here, to this decision, he doesn’t ask. Obviously, he can see that all I need right now is support. “Okay, Rock. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” His warm smile makes my chest expand. “And I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure you get it, baby.”
