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Cap scoffs. “You just want him to be across the country from Lena.”
Theo shakes his head. “We’re really still playing that fiddle? I don’t think Harrison gives a single shit about Lena.”
“Maybe a single shit,” I say helpfully. “But it’s not a romantic shit. Just a normal, ole human decency shit.”
Lena is Cap’s sister. Over a year ago, I had a lot of fun mentioning her name often in front of her brother just to rile him up. Not once, though, did I actually want to pursue something with her. Theo, on the other hand, well, he up and fell in love with her. Cap’s sister, of all fucking people. Talk about a shitshow for a while there. Thankfully, we can all get together, both Cap and Theo included, without having to hide the knives.
“I’m confused. Are we talking about actual shits right now? Because I’m feeling a little queasy,” Thatch remarks, and we literally all roll our eyes. “I don’t like the idea of letting one of the herd roam free. I mean, it’s Harrison, so if we have to lose one, I guess he’s the one to lose. But I don’t think it’s a good idea, period. Haven’t you seen the National Geographic Channel? Don’t you know what happens when someone gets separated? It’s pure carnage, boys.”
“He’s not going to the Serengeti, for Pete’s sake,” Milo offers with a laugh. “He’s going to California.”
“Oh, there are wolves out there, young Milo. Don’t be fooled,” Cap says sagely. “And they’re much more aggressive with their prey.”
“Guys, you don’t have to worry about me,” I assure them. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”
The bun is already in the oven.
Yeah, all that’s left is to actually get in touch with the mother of your child…
Lord Almighty, talk about being in the middle of a monumental fucking mess.
Raquel
Me and my favorite hoops used to be pals, but let me tell you, today, we’ve got problems. I was exactly today years old when it became clear to me that Taylor Swift must have been singing about a pair of earrings in the song “Bad Blood.”
Good God. That flipping hurts.
I wince and squeal as I shove the pointy post through my seemingly sealed ear piercing until it clears the other side, and I stomp my foot in a fruitless attempt to redirect some of the pain. I don’t understand the science behind it, but it seems like my body has super healing powers now that I’m pregnant. Scrapes disappear in mere hours, and my well-worn, twenty-year-old piercings self-heal overnight.
Which is seriously ironic since I need another discomfort like I need a hole in the head.
Only a few weeks into the new year and it’s more than apparent this year is going to be a fucking doozy.
And I didn’t exactly end the year with a bang either.
The week before and after Christmas were a blur of fitting in morning sickness and puking bouts in my bathroom between events and photo ops and a whole bunch of other bullshit I’m starting to realize I don’t care about at all. The only time I’ve been alone in what feels like forever was on Christmas Day, and I spent the greater part of that day in my bed, watching Hallmark movies and experiencing the kind of hormonal highs and lows that probably fueled Britney’s 2007.
One minute, I’d be daydreaming about what my baby will look like. Is it going to be a boy or a girl? Will he or she have hair?
And the next, I was overwhelmed with anxiety about handling motherhood all by myself. Which generally led me down a dangerous path of thinking about Harrison, which then led to me wanting to contact Harrison, and blah-blah-blah, I’m now a certified crazy woman.
Truthfully, I was a bit of a nutcase on what should’ve been one of the jolliest holidays of the year.
Once I finish the now excruciating ritual of getting ready, I head for the door of my bedroom just as Heidi starts complaining from the other side of it.
“Raquel, we have to be in the car in five minutes.”
Before she can finish verbally riding my ass, I swing open the door, and she flinches slightly but quickly gathers herself and heads down the long hallway toward my front door.
I struggle to keep up in my tight outfit and heels, but I make my voice loud enough that it carries well out ahead of me.
“Why are we in such a hurry anyway? I still don’t understand what this event is. All you keep telling me is it’s a ‘corporate appearance.’ Am I doing motivational speeches for Rodan and Fields now? Arbonne? LuLaRoe? What is this?”
Heidi slows her pace to let me catch up, but I’m not inexperienced enough with her habits to think it’s out of kindness. The moment she opens her mouth, I know it’s to make sure I really feel the blow of her next point. “It’s just a meet-and-greet with a media company called HawCom. And I’ll warn you to check your attitude about this being beneath you before you make a fool of yourself because they’re paying you a million dollars to do it.”
