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I knew exactly what she was looking for. As I lowered my head until our lips were almost touching, the ache inside of me continued to grow. I wanted to deny the way I felt, if for no other reason than to keep her protected, but goddamn it, I couldn’t stand the thought of letting her go. “I do love you, Sarah. I don’t know if that’s enough, but it’s how I feel.”
She gripped my shirt with both hands, lifting her chin even as I held her fast. The look in her eyes was enough to destroy me, pulling apart all the ugly pieces that had framed my being. She had the ability to look inside the man who’d been hiding for years, refusing to accept the monster. In a way, she’d created a cocoon around me, her smile alone a reminder that not everything had to be masked from the wretchedness of reality.
When I finally captured her mouth, I held her lips open, breathing in the air from her lungs, praying the light from her soul would drive the anger and hatred aside. As she clung to me, I allowed myself to be caught in a web of longing, ignoring the pain and pressure, the anxiety that had plagued me. I might have saved her life, but she was the only one who could save my soul.
As the kiss became a manifestation of our intense longing, she rose onto her tiptoes, wrapping her long fingers around my neck. There was an explosion of sensations, hunger more pronounced than before. I couldn’t imagine my life without her, even if I knew there was a chance I’d destroy everything good inside me. I no longer cared. She was mine. I’d claimed her the first moment I’d laid eyes on her. Now there was nothing and no one who would dare try to break us apart.
As I swept my tongue inside, dominating her mouth, she mewed in my hold. Her body trembled, her sweet sounds fueling the raging fire deep within. Every sound was blocked out, allowing only the ragged beating of our hearts. The taste of her was bittersweet, a reminder that our connection was tenuous.
When I finally broke the moment of intimacy, she closed her eyes, dragging her tongue across her lips. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I breathed.
“For not trusting you before.”
As she blinked several times, the sight of tears in her eyes sent a dagger into my heart. How in the fuck could I protect her? Exhaling, I backed away by a few inches, keeping my hand wrapped around her jaw. “You need to learn that I only want the best for you.”
“For some crazy reason I believe you.”
“I’m glad.” That might save her life one day.
She dropped her gaze, chewing on her lip. “Then punish me.”
Just the sound of her voice alone was enough to drive the beast living inside me to the surface. I allowed a swath of hot air to cascade across her face then pulled away completely. As I started to finish clearing my desk, she didn’t need to be told what to do. Although her eyes never left me, she unfastened her jeans, tugging them over her hips. If only she understood how much I wanted to drive my cock deep inside, fulfilling every single fantasy she’d ever had.
I would do that soon enough. However, she needed to learn a valuable lesson. She’d yet to fully understand just how precarious my position was or how much her presence had changed me. My instincts continued to drive me to an entirely different realization than I’d expected upon taking the helm.
There was another enemy waiting in the wings.
I could list several possibilities, including law enforcement, but whoever it was had bided their time before striking like a snake. Luciano’s death had expedited their plans. In my eyes, there was only one way of flushing them out.
Using Sarah as bait.
She’d need to learn to trust me in order to be able to keep her safe. Following my orders without hesitation was the only way to protect her.
I could barely take my eyes off her, my entire system on overdrive as an adrenaline rush tore through me. I’d never wanted to get close to anyone other than family after Mary’s death. I’d known the second I heard about her murder that she’d been caught up in the family legacy, taken from me to prove a point. To this day, the person responsible had never stepped up to the plate, bragging as usually happened. It was as if history was repeating itself.
My body tensing, I shifted my attention back to Sarah. She’d removed her clothes, the sight of her naked body stealing my breath. She wasn’t looking at me, instead staring out the window as if she could find answers to why she remained attracted to me.
“Stay right where you are,” I told her before leaving the room, finding a broom and dustpan. It was time for me to learn to clean up my own messes. I’d walked into plenty of rooms where stunning women had taken the forefront, parading around in whatever designer gown they’d purchased in order to draw attention to themselves. I’d never paid enough attention to get a single name.
Walking into my office had an entirely different effect. Sarah was breathtaking under any circumstances, but today even her skin seemed luminescent. I could sense she was nervous, even though she’d learned about harsh discipline already. Everything about today was different.
She remained in front of the window as I cleaned up the debris, tossing the handful into the trashcan. As I beckoned her with a single finger, I took a deep breath, my mind spinning. As she walked closer, I thought once again about how much alike I was to my father.
Cold.
Brutal.
Unforgiving.
Incapable of providing the kind of love someone special like Sarah needed. I’d said the words and meant them, but there was a difference in being able to issue a statement and following through with it. “Lie across the desk,” I told her.
She stared at me for a few seconds then did as I asked. This was a turning point that I hadn’t seen coming. I’d neglected to tell her that I wanted a family, a house that wasn’t a cold representation of a life I’d been forced to grow up in.
As I unfastened my belt, all I could think about was finding a house in another state, a location where there were no displays of violence in the street or people enshrouded in fear. A location where neighbors spoke to one another on a regular basis, enjoyed cookouts in the summer. A beautiful setting where the grass was always green and the flowers bloomed three hundred days of the year.
The perfect place to raise a family, complete with two adorable dogs.
