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“Go get him. I’ll take care of her,” I tell him as I wrap my arms around Raven.
He nods then rises to his feet and runs out of the room.
Raven leans into me, oddly quiet.
“What are you worried about?” she finally asks in a hoarse voice.
I don’t know if I should tell her what I know, that I know the look on Zay’s face. I’ve seen it before.
It’s undiluted rage. And the last time he unleashed it, he almost killed someone.
TWENTY
RAVEN
I sometimes get these feelings of rage. It’s so potent I feel like I’m drowning in it. I want to drown in it, let the anger take me away where I can’t differentiate between it and reality. Right now, I want that rage I sometimes feel to surface, so I don’t have to feel what I’m feeling in this moment.
Lost.
Drifting.
Agony.
I want it gone.
But I can’t shake it.
Any of it.
The wound is burning on my wrist, blood is trickling from it, but I barely feel it.
“You should go check on Zay,” I tell Jax, sounding robotic
He shakes his head. “No way. I’m staying here with you.”
“You’re worried about him.” It’s not a question. I can see the worry written all over his face.
He doesn’t deny it, instead saying with emphasis, “I’m worried about you.”
I’m worried about myself too.I keep that to myself, though, my lips parting to tell him to check on Zay. Part of me is just worried about what’s going on downstairs, but a small part of me wants Jax to leave me alone so I can see what I’ll do. Hurt myself again? Be fine? Or maybe I’ll just run—
A loud crash followed by shouting floats up from downstairs, interrupting my thoughts.
Jax stiffens. “What the fuck?” His gaze snaps to the door, his muscles twitching.
“Go see what it is,” I urge him.
His eyes lock on mine, his gaze piercing. “I’m not leaving you.” His gaze skims across my wound, silent words:I’m not leaving you here to hurt yourself again.
I’m sure blood is now coating his fingertip, but he doesn’t appear fazed by it.
I hate it. Hate this. This compassion when all I want to do is be angry. But I can’t quite get there, get past the fear, pain, and… Well, I can’t quite decipher the emotion twisting inside my chest. It’s foreign and connected to the way Jax keeps touching me and looking at me like he cares.
“Fuck.” I get to my feet, causing his hand to fall from my wrist.
He jumps to his feet, panic flashing across his face. “What is it?”
“It’s me caring too much,” I mumble. When his brows furrow, I sigh. “Let’s just go check on Zay. I’ll come with you.”
