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He was taking down my wall. The one I’d tried to do on my own.
When he reached me, Rush removed the goggles, and then he was dropping a kiss to my mouth. It was soft and sweet and over way too fast. “Morning,” he said softly.
“Morning,” I managed to respond.
“Put some shoes on before you come down. Did you take your medicine?”
“Um, no, but I was about to,” I said.
“I made breakfast sandwiches. I’ll put them in the oven to warm up while you get dressed, okay?”
I nodded dumbly. The question I should have been asking him never made it to my lips.
What are you still doing here?
I hurried back up the stairs to get dressed. It wasn’t until I was fully dressed and reaching for my medication bottles that I realized what the strange, restless sensation in my chest was.
I was giddy.
I sat down in disbelief.
I was fucking giddy.
I was so happy that Rush was still here that I was speeding through everything to get back to him. What was that about? I was supposed to be trying to figure out a way to send him on his way.
He didn’t leave.
I almost cried as my old voice pointed that fact out. I wiped at my eyes because I couldn’t go where that voice wanted me to go. I couldn’t start dreaming about Rush touching me again, kissing me again, saying those words he’d said the day before that I still wanted so badly to believe.
Youarebeautiful, Christopher. So many kinds of beautiful. And if things go the way I want them to, I’ll be able to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.
I shook my head. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I had a plan to stick to, and Rush wasn’t part of it. No one was. Just me. I’d brought all this upon myself with my stupidity, and I was the one who had to pay for it.
Me.
Justme.
“Christopher, food’s ready!” I heard Rush call.
I needed to tell him I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going to lie down. He’d stop taking down my wall, he’d leave breakfast for me to eat later, and he’d leave me alone to get some rest. I’d have the time I needed to shore up my defenses.
Yeah, that was what I would do.
“Coffee or juice or both?” Rush shouted. “Never mind, I’ll do both!”
I smiled to myself when I heard him let out a curse right before the fire alarm went off.
“Extinguisher is under the sink!” I yelled even as a fit of laughter threatened to consume me. I quickly downed the rest of my pills and hurried down the stairs. The acrid smell of smoke hit me long before I reached the kitchen.
“Everything okay down here?” I asked. Rush had his back to me and appeared to be stirring something in a mixing bowl. He was wearing different clothes from the day before. His jeans were a little darker, and he had on a dark blue T-shirt. There was a sheen of smoke in the air around him, but I barely noticed. I was too busy drooling over his tattooed biceps.
“All good,” he said as he turned around. “How many pancakes do you want?”
I managed to tear my eyes away, but when Rush gave me a little wink, I knew he’d caught me ogling his yummy body.
“What happened to the breakfast sandwiches?” I asked with a raise of my brow. The question put me back on more even ground. I swore I saw Rush’s cheeks actually turn a bit pink.
“Oh, um,” Rush began as he glanced at the sink, which had what looked like a cookie sheet sticking out of it. “Too many trans fats in them.”
