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If only she could break away from their beliefs and prejudices. It was enough to make her into a rebel. A bluestocking. A dissenter.
Ha! How could I take on any of those roles? I might as well aspire to be an opera singer or a circus equestrian.
I am utterly useless.
Chapter Eleven
Ronnie sat in the empty garden alone. The gloomy skies threatened to ripen into storms at any moment. Gusts rustled through the shrubs, and flowers waved back and forth as if mechanically unwinding. She envied those who had slept late this morning, just now attempting to begin their day. She'd long ago emptied the pot of coffee brought when she came downstairs just after dawn.
Her night had careened from one nightmare to another, alternating with stretches of shivering chills as she tried to make sense of half-remembered gibberish before lapsing into another bad dream. Completely unrested, she finally crept from her bed and curled into the blue chair, stifling her coughs, and wiping her nose on a crumpled hankie. Cici's remarks might be true, that Ronnie was getting what she deserved for her rude treatment of Lord Appleby, that Jasper Endicott had duped her as badly as he'd hoodwinked William, that she'd earned her dearth of romance for defying her mother and thinking herself too good for anybody, In fact, for everybody.
If only her sister knew the truth. That she had shunned a Baron but actually fallen in love with an inn keeper, a man of common background, an invalid, at least partly disabled.
Oh yes, Cici would laugh. Mama would erupt in anger. Papa would simply scowl and grow silent.
If they thought that she cared for Captain Drew… but she could never tell. The man himself may have been kind to her for the last weeks, but he'd never shown a romantic side. Or indicated in so many words that he might care for her. Yes, there had been some yearning gazes, a few times when their fingers had laced together. Briefly.
Did the thought that it was a forbidden love make it all the more appealing?
He was not the kind of man to stoop to pretending he was what he wasn’t. He was genuine, gallant. With an irresistible smile.
But knowing her ambitions for her daughters, Ronnie knew that Mama would scorn him, no matter how efficiently he served her every whim. He was no more than a servant to her.
Nothing Drew had said could possibly be thought of as romantic.
Garden improvements? Advice on tourist sights? But Ronnie could not deny the way that she felt about him, deep inside. Only once had she betrayed her secrets to him… and he had hardly reacted, as if her tears had meant nothing. Obviously, he was a man who knew how to hide his feelings, bury his pain, mask his innermost thoughts, and disguise his reactions. Lessons he had learned long ago and perfected over the years. In school. In the army. Now, engaged in commerce.
How could she reach him, encourage him to reveal his feelings?
But why did it matter? He no longer would have any respect for her after the way that she had fallen for the phony stories which Endicott told. At one time, Drew had even remarked about how she must have enjoyed dancing with him, a man of her age and situation in society.
When she’d let her head be turned by a person like Endicott, hadn't she revealed how shallow her standards were? She was a much a silly rattlebrain as her sister.
"Ah, there you are." Lord Montgomery sat down at Ronnie's table. "I see you have emptied that coffee pot."
"Good morning, Papa. Yes, I rose earlier than usual."
A footman set down a tray with more coffee and carried off the empties.
Ronnie filled two cups and pushed one towards her father, realising the sky was lightening. Perhaps it would not storm after all.
"I thought I heard you get up before dawn."
He tasted the hot drink.
"I had a restless night."
"Why was that? With all of the fresh sea air and exercise, I would have thought you’d have rolled over and slept again That is exactly what I did."
"I wish I could have. I was afraid I’d have more bad dreams."
She took a tentative mouthful.
"Too much thinking about that jackanapes of a fellow telling his fibs?"
"Deriding myself for believing him. How could I have been so foolish?"
"Now see here, Veronica, we all were taken in. I don't like to criticise William, but that young man is going to be gulled over and over if he doesn’t acquire some common sense. Shame his father is laid up. The boy needs some guidance."
