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I’ve learned to face my battles head-on the second they arise because I know the importance of putting shit behind you and moving on.
Aro and the time spent in Albuquerque put an end to all of that.
I knew after the first brush of his lips against mine on the plane from Houston that we weren’t doing what we should. Each and every thing that happened after was the result of doing what I wanted versus what was right. I’ve compromised my ethics in exchange for a handful of weeks’ worth of great sex. The trade-off at the time seemed worth it.
Sneaking around this morning, being as quiet as I could manage in order to not wake Aro up, was the eye-opener I needed to take a step back and assess the situation we’ve found ourselves in.
After three hours of driving to Farmington, I still feel no closer to having things figured out.
The only conclusions I’ve been able to draw are that I made a huge mistake.
I’ve more than likely fallen in love with the stupid asshole.
I obviously haven’t dealt with my own abandonment issues regarding my parents because him ending things last night cut me so fucking deep.
I don’t blame him for doing what he did. I think I wanted to create more of a connection between the two of us than we actually had. I needed it to mean more for some reason, which is my problem, not his. My expectations need to be adjusted rather than him bending to them. He’s an individual person, responsible for his own actions as much as I am.
I hate the reasonable side of myself a little more as I pull into the parking lot of the clubhouse.
I’ve been gone for nearly two and a half months between the trip to Costa Rica, the stopover in Houston, and the time spent in Albuquerque. Despite it feeling like I’ve been gone an eternity, nothing seems different, other than the flowerpots on the front porch overflowing with gorgeous spring flowers.
I shove away the nostalgia I feel as I park the car. There’s a good chance this could be my last time coming back to the place, which seriously sucks because I haven’t considered it home long enough to start missing it already.
I’m slow to pull my suitcase from the back of the car, but fast to greet Boomer as he approaches me, his boots crunching over the gravel.
Our hug is easy and friendly. We’ve worked together on a personal project for domestic abuse victims in Farmington along with Dr. Alverez, and I know I’m going to miss that as well.
“You look like you’re heading before a firing squad,” he says as he holds me by the arms.
“Might as well be,” I mutter, frowning before I issue him an apology.
This man has done nothing wrong, but I’m struggling to keep a grip on my own attitude right now.
“How’s Aro?” he asks as he takes the handle of my suitcase before I can move far with it.
“Fine,” I tell him, knowing my short answer will only raise more questions. I wish I was able to focus on more than what I walked away from.
“I can’t even imagine what he’s going through,” Boomer says with sincerity. “Has to be tough.”
I hum my agreement.
Em smiles at me from across the room when I step into the clubhouse, but, although I try, I can’t get a read on her. If I’m getting the boot, she’d know about it. Kincaid may keep some of the morbid details about his work from her in an effort to protect her, but he’s never kept a decision like this from her.
I grunt as unexpected arms wrap me in a tight hug.
“Has he driven you fully insane yet?”
I shake my head, those tears I fought last night when Aro left my room threatening to resurface at the sound of Ugly’s voice.
Others circle around, making me regret that things ended with Aro because now the loss of these people doesn’t seem worth what we shared.
“He’s a surly bastard these days,” I announce to the group as they look at me with expectant eyes. “Some days are easier than others, but I’ve made sure to try and keep his spirits up.”
I avoid Ugly’s eyes when he tries to drill them into me.
“Last week we went to a drive-thru safari,” I say, as I pull my phone out and select the video before turning it around to face them.
Raucous laughter echoes around the room at the first hint of Aro’s screeching when he first wakes up in the car to the ostrich coming for him.
Ugly takes my phone and several people follow him across the room to keep watching.
Maybe I should feel bad for sharing that private moment of his, but I can’t muster any of those feelings.
I manage to keep a smile on my face as they make fun of the girly squealing coming from my phone before Ugly makes his way across the room to give it back to me.
