AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Deep down, I know I don’t have the right to feel any kind of way about any of it, but I’m not exactly a pro at handling my thoughts and emotions these days.
Thankfully, no one is around when I enter the clubhouse, making it easy to head to my room, change my clothes, and go to the gym for meditation.
My breaths calm me eventually, but my wandering mind can’t let go of those thoughts of him either. Memories swarm through my head, recounting every touch and kiss. I picture his hands on my body, his lips warming my skin. I imagine him pushing inside of me for the first time and the last time. It isn’t until those memories take a fantastical turn where it’s no longer memories but hope guiding my thoughts.
The words I allowed myself to hear never happened and I can’t be the woman that makes shit up. Acceptance is the only thing I need to work on right now.
“Where’s our boy?”
I snap my eyes open, wondering if Ugly will question why my skin is covered in a sheen of sweat from sitting here.
“I have no idea who you’re talking about.”
He frowns at me, giving me a look that says he knows I’m full of shit. “Aro.”
“Last I saw him, he was sleeping in the SUV.”
He huffs out a laugh as if I’ve told a joke, but he sobers when he sees the seriousness on my face.
“You left him in the truck?”
“He’s not a toddler who can’t get out of a booster seat. He’s fine.”
Ugly walks away without another word, shaking his head the entire time.
I refuse to let guilt wash over me. I’m nothing more to Aro than a teammate, and honestly, I doubt he even sees me as that after sleeping with him. It’s not fair, but women lose all fucking credibility if they have sex that is linked to their workplace. As a female Marine, I’m more than a little aware of exactly how one-sided a lot of shit is, and sexuality is no damn different.
The crazy thing is that women judge other women more harshly than they ever would a man. I refuse to go into the psychology of boys being boys, but we’re all a little conditioned to give more allowances to men than we are women, myself included, and I hate that part of my psyche.
I take a deep breath, letting my eyes flutter closed as I reach my arms over my head for a calming stretch.
I realize I picked the wrong place to try and clear my mind when the gym door opens for a second time.
Whoever entered has enough respect for me not to speak until I open my eyes.
I give Boomer a genuine smile when I realize it’s him.
“What’s up?” I ask as I stand and bend at the waist to stretch my back.
“Everyone’s going to Jake’s tonight. Wanted to make sure you’re going as well.”
I instantly want to shake my head, refusing to go, but I also know how that will look.
I shrug instead. “I’m not really feeling a lot of drinking tonight.”
“You know they serve soda and bottled water there too, right? We aren’t frat boys. We’re not going to peer pressure you into drinking if you don’t want to.”
I give him a weak smile. The problem isn’t outside pressure to drink. It’s the internal argument I’ll have about drinking to loosen up or drinking because I can’t stomach to watch Aro hitting on another woman.
I hate that he was right about a sexual relationship complicating things at the clubhouse. Our biggest mistake ever was thinking it could go back to normal after it happened.
“I’ll think about it and see how I feel later this evening.”
True to Boomer form, he simply nods rather than trying to convince me to go.
Chapter 38
Aro
I’m feeling more than a little twitchy as we climb out of the SUV in Jake’s parking lot.
I couldn’t shut Ugly down when he called on our way back from Albuquerque earlier because I was afraid of how it would look to Slick. I didn’t want her knowing how much it agitated me to think about leaving the bar with another woman, especially after accusing her of trying to make me jealous with Officer Warren.
The problem is that after agreeing, my friend wouldn’t take no for an answer. That’s how we ended up right where I don’t want to be.
I cut my eyes toward Boomer as he climbs out from behind the wheel of a different vehicle, waiting to catch a glance of Slick as she gets out of the passenger side.
Surprisingly, Harley and Alyssa get out of the back first.
I feel like I’ve managed to fuck up once again, but I didn’t expect Boomer to pull in right beside us at the gas station on the way to the bar.
