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“Better make it a double.”
I had the feeling I was going to need it. He brought me my drink, and I tapped my card on the handheld machine to pay. Clutching my vodka and tonic, I turned to face the pub again. I took a large gulp of my drink then fished in my bag for my new phone. I was able to automatically update it to have all my contacts and apps, so I didn’t miss my old one too much. I hoped those pricks who’d attacked me had never managed to get it unlocked.
I resisted the urge to scroll down to where Jayden had inputted his number under ‘J’. I thought I might have heard from him, if only in the form of a text, but it had been radio silence. I probably should have deleted the number to prevent myself from ever drunk dialling him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Why couldn’t I? Did I really want to hear from him? Like I’d already told him, nothing could come of this. Maybe I was thinking too deeply into it, but I wasn’t someone who just had sex to enjoy it, and then never thought of the other person again. Physical intimacy sparked emotions in me, and I didn’t think I could separate the two.
To my relief, Kyle and a few others entered the pub. I straightened and fixed a smile on my face. At least I wouldn’t be alone now.
He spotted me, lifting his hand in a half wave, and headed over.
“Hey, you made it,” he said.
“Yeah. Decided I could use that drink after all.” I raised my glass as though to prove the fact.
“You know Sophie and Dana, don’t you?” He introduced the two girls he’d arrived with. Two other guys had spotted us and meandered over, and he introduced them as well. “And Chris and Adam?”
“Of course.” I’d been at uni with them all for over two years now. I knew their names and faces, but nothing about who they were as people. I tended to go into class, keep my head down, do my work, and leave again.
Kyle clapped. “Right, let’s get some shots in. Get this party started.”
I shook my head. “Oh, no. I’m fine. I’ve got a double in here.”
“Another double coming straight up then,” he declared.
Everyone cheered, and I didn’t want to seem like the loser in the group, so I went with it. Jesus, I was in my twenties now, not a teenager anymore. I should be strong enough to say no to a drink I didn’t want. But it was like being caught up in a river, and it was easier to go along with things than fight against the flow, so I found myself with a shot glass in my hand and joining in when everyone clinked theirs together and downed the shot in one.
Aniseed burned my throat and the back of my palate. Sambuca. Yuck. I did my best not to grimace.
Around me, everyone cheered again.
One of the girls looped her arm through mine and started chatting about my outfit and how she loved my bag. I was relieved to be on familiar territory, and the alcohol worked its way through my system, relaxing me. I could do this. I could be a normal student, not someone who had grown up with a family embroiled in crime, and I could enjoy it. How else was I going to learn to be a normal member of society and not some Mafia princess?
We found a table and squashed around it. Kyle had the seat next to me, and it was impossible not to notice how his shoulder, leg, and hip were jammed against mine. Everyone was the same, though; there wasn’t much room, so it wasn’t as though he was doing it on purpose. I did my best to ignore it and join in on the conversation whenever I found an opening. I hated feeling like I wasn’t a part of things, but the only way I was going to fit in was by doing stuff like this.
I drank my vodka and tonic too quickly and stood to get another. The booze had already gone to my head, but I could handle it. I was relieved to be away from the table, if only for a short while, to get some space and not have to feel like I had to talk for a while.
At the bar, I checked my phone. I was relieved to see it was almost half nine. Time had gone quickly, and I thought I’d get away with having one more drink and then heading home.
I bought another double vodka and tonic and carried it back to the table to retake my seat. Kyle offered me a grin and lifted his beer glass to clink it to mine. I tried to absorb myself back into the conversation, but the pub seemed to have grown louder since I’d gone to the bar, and I struggled to pick up on what everyone was saying. I finished my drink too fast again and checked my phone again for a distraction. It was almost ten now. Surely I’d get away with leaving without looking like a party pooper.
Carefully, I got to my feet. Several sets of eyes followed me, including Kyle’s.
“You getting another drink?” he asked. “I’ll buy you one.”
I imagined I had far more money in the bank than he did, though I guessed it was nice of him to offer. “No, I’m fine, thanks. I need to get home now. That sambuca went right to my head.” I threw a smile at the others who were also looking my way.
Kyle got to his feet, too. “Stay for one more. It’s still early.”
“Really, I’ve had enough.”
I’d already taken a couple of steps away from the table, putting some space between myself and the others. But instead of letting me go, Kyle came with me. He positioned himself between me and the door, so the bar was behind me, and he was blocking the way.
“Just one more,” he insisted. “You can have a soft drink, if you want.”
A spark of anger flared through me. “Oh, can I? That’s kind of you to give me permission.”
He blinked at my words, surprised that I’d dared speak to him like that. But he had no idea of the background I came from—probably didn’t even know that world existed in his simple one of clubbing and Netflix and pulling girls.
