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Adrenaline pumps through my system. In the tiny building, my breathing is all I can hear. “Nice reflexes,” I finally manage to say.
Elliot flashes me the crooked grin that hits me right in the chest. Every. Single. Time. “Maybe you should—”
He doesn’t have a chance to finish the sentence. I act impulsively—as impulsively as you can do something you’ve spent hours thinking about, at least. I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips against his. His mouth is slightly open, in the midst of saying something—probably teasing me about my lack of coordination. I use it to my advantage, slipping my tongue into his mouth and immediately escalating the kiss from fleeting to filthy.
I’ve kissed other guys before—I’ve kissedElliotbefore—but the furthest I’ve gone was what happened on the couch in Aunt Katherine’s living room. I’m pretty sure I’m much less experienced than he is, and I know he knows—or at least suspects—that. Because he’s my best friend, not to mention a decent guy, it will make him hesitate.
So I make my intentions clear immediately, slipping my hand into his swim trunks and tugging out his cock while he’s still recovering from the shock of me kissing him. He’s rapidly hardening, the length of his dick poking me in the stomach. Liquid heat simmers in my veins.
Elliot pulls away with a muttered curse. “Auden, what the hell are you doing? Are you drunk?”
“Nope.” I pop the P for emphasis. “I just want to have sex with you.” Elliot is silent. I don’t think he was expecting me to admit it straight out like that. I have no idea where this burst of boldness is coming from. The buzz of alcohol is gone. The only thing I’m drunk on is him.
I raise my arms and start to untie the knot at the back of my neck. The straps of my bikini top fall down, baring my breasts to him. He hesitates, but he looks. My nipples pebble under his gaze. I undo the strap tied around my back as well, and the top falls to the ground, leaving me topless. I slip down my bottoms, and I’m completely naked.
Now what?
I have no idea what I’m doing, and the one of us whodoesknow what he’s doing is not exactly being an active participant. Elliot is standing like a chiseled statue, just staring at my naked body. If not for his very obvious erection, I’d think he was completely unaffected.
Finally, he takes one step forward. Two. “You were drinking earlier.”
“I’m not drunk, Elliot. I don’t need any alcohol to want to have sex with you.”
“I don’t have a condom.” He’s not exactly jumping at the opportunity, but it’s a half-hearted excuse. I soldier ahead anyway, because I want this too much.
“I’m on birth control. You don’t need one…unless you, uh, think that you do.” Ireallydon’t want to discuss who Elliot has been with, but I don’t want an STD either. I know the guys on the team get tested regularly; I’ve heard Josh and Luke making jokes about it. If Elliot tells me I can trust him on this, I will.
After a long, awkward pause, he replies, “No. I don’t need one. I’m clean.” Sweet relief rushes through me. “Auden, if we do this—”
“I know,” I interrupt. “It’s just sex.” He runs a hand through his hair, tugging the strands roughly. Uncertainty twists his handsome face. “If you don’t want to…”
“Of course Iwantto,” he replies.
I grab three towels and toss them on the floor. “Then let’s do it.” I step toward him so our bodies are touching again.
He glances around. “This isn’t where your first time should be.”
“What makes you think it’s my first time?”
I’ve never seen Elliot look more uncomfortable. “Um, oh. Sorry. I just—I guess I just—”
I put him out of his stuttering misery. “Relax, I’m kidding. I haven’t had sex before.Yet.”
“And you’re sure this is—”
“Yes.” The word is absolute.
“There’s not even a bed, Denny.”
I feel like sex is more who you’re with than where you are, but I know I can’t say that, not if I want a chance of this happening. “Get creative,” I whisper, then I kiss him.
I feel the moment he decides, when he starts to kiss me back, to guide me toward the towels on the floor. He sinks down first, pulling me into his lap, right on top of his erection. It rubs against my center, and I moan. Electricity pulses through me as Elliot rolls me onto my back and hovers over me. He hesitates, then slowly starts to thrust forward. I tense involuntarily at the strange sensation. Then, it starts to hurt. The stinging pain intensifies, and I suck in a sharp breath.
It’s a subtle inhale with a large impact. Elliot tenses, then pulls back, erasing what little progress he’s made. He lies down on his back beside me, no longer touching me at all. His fists clench and unclench furiously. “Fuck.Fuck.I can’t do this, Auden.”
Embarrassment and anger war for real estate inside me. “Yes, youcan. You justwon’tfor some stupid reason.” I know what those reasons are, and they’re not stupid. He’s worried this will mean something—mean everything—to me, and he’s right. He’s worried this will irrevocably alter our friendship, and he’s probably right about that, too. All he’s ever promised me is friendship, and he’s more than delivered. I just underestimated my ability to not fall for the boy in the coffee shop. My sixteen-year-old self had no idea the havoc he would wreak on my life.
He turns his head to meet my gaze. Those beautiful eyes are tortured, filled with pain. “Denny—”
