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“Ha. How much time have you got?”
“For you? Forever,” she said warily. “But you sound drunk and it’s not even noon there.”
I nearly told her to piss off, that I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. But her sweet voice was the lifeline I needed. The last time I’d tried to tough shit out on my own, I’d ended up staring into the Thames from Blackfriars Bridge.
“Fuck, Luce,” I said. “It’s all become a huge mess and I’m a fucking idiot.”
She sighed with relief that I was talking. “Tell me everything.”
So I did. I explained everything that had happened with Ambri, and his letter, and the strange moment at the club.
Lucy made a frustrated sound. “Cole…why didn’t you call me sooner? Have you forgotten I’ve been there too?”
“Well…no. Maybe.” I rubbed my eyes. “I can’t think. I can’t sleep. I just drink and paint and feel sorry for myself. Because it’s over. Luce…I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, and now it’s over.”
“Cole, listen to me,” Lucy said, and I’d never heard her sound more serious. “Nothing is over. You can’t believe him. Not one word of that letter was true.”
“It’s his handwriting. He wrote it. He put the fucking pen to the paper, and he put that shit down for me to read—”
“I know but you have to believe me. Cas tried the same crap on me. To protect me. Ambri is trying to protect you. That’s all this is. I’d bet my life on it.”
“Protect me from what?”
“I don’t know. For me, it was another demon. Not just thoughts in my head, but a flesh and bone monster.”
Instantly, Picollus, Daeva, Zerin, and that woman, Eisheth, popped into my head.
“Wait, wait…” I said, trying to think through the murk of whiskey and insomnia. “There’re these people—but no, Ambri would’ve known if they were demons. He would’ve warned me or kept me away, and he didn’t say a word.”
“Maybe he couldn’t,” Lucy said quietly.
And just like that, a fragment from the club in Rome pushed through my drunken recollection. Ambri’s last words to me.
…not your friends…
“He did,” I breathed. “Oh, fuck, he tried to warn me…and I didn’t listen. I was drunk and caught up in the tour and my success and my happiness with him. Dammit, Luce. I created a little bubble of bullshit and tried to stay in it as long as possible…”
“Of course, you did,” Lucy said. “Because you love him.”
A cold stone of dread settled into my gut. “Wait…if the letter is a lie, then where is he?” My voice became a strangled whisper. “Oh Christ, Lucy, where is he? What are they doing to him?”
“Cole, stay calm. You don’t know he’s in trouble,” Lucy said, though she didn’t sound all that sure either. “He’s smart. He might’ve fooled them or…I don’t know. But you need to keep yourself safe.”
I shook my head, hardly listening. “They dragged him away. They took him back and…and oh fuck me, he’s hurting right now. They’re hurting him because of me.”
“No,”Lucy said. “Because ofthem. Because of who they are and what he is. But I believe there’s still hope, and you should too.”
I clutched my chest, making a fist out of my shirt. “Hope,” I spat. “I’ve done nothing but love him for months. And I thought…itfeltlike he loved me too. What’s it going to take?”
“I don’t know, but they’redemons. Ambri put himself in their world. Getting out is not going to be easy. It wasn’t for Cas and me. It was brutal, but maybe that’s how it’s supposed to go.”
“Oh, is it?” I snapped. “You just casually toss out that it’ssupposedto be—”
“There was nothingcasualabout watching the man I love die in my arms,” she snapped back with a fierceness that I didn’t remember hearing in her. Not before Cas came into her life.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m being an asshole because I’m scared for him. I’m fuckingterrifiedand there’s nothing I can do.”
“I know you are, honey. But the best thing you can do for him is to ignore the worst thoughts and fears. That’sthem.And that’s exactly what they want.”
