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His tone grew warm and serious. “Thank you for my portrait, Cole. I never told you. It’s perfect. It’s everything I could’ve hoped for. And thank you for finding a record of my birth. For un-erasing me.”
“You’re a Gemini, but I think I could’ve guessed that one.”
“Ah yes, humans and their astrology. I’ll tell you a little secret. It’s one hundred percent real.”
I sniffed a laugh. “Of course, it is.”
Ambri frowned. “We never celebrated your birthday.”
“September ninth. It hasn’t happened yet. You want it to happen without you? Impossible. I can’t let you go.”
“Yes, you can. Sleep. And when you wake up in the morning, it’ll be like a dream. Only you’ll have a legacy. Legions of admirers—”
“I won’t have you. I won’t survive it.”
“Yes, you will. You’re so much stronger than you know. Even now, you’re willing to dive into the abyss for me. But I can’t let you do that. I need you to promise me something,” he said and grimaced as pain shuddered through him. “You can’t let yourself fall into despair, and if you do, find help. Talk to Lucy. Talk to anyone, but don’t suffer in silence. Demons work in the dark, in solitude. Talking about their insidious whispers is like turning on the light and watching the roaches scatter. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. Promise me.” With supreme effort, he lifted his hand off the sheet, his little finger extended. “The most sacred of promises. Pinky swear to me that you’ll seek help if you need it.”
“Ambri…I can’t stay here without—”
“Swear it, Cole,” he cried, anguished now, the tears falling. “Please. If you love me at all…”
I could hardly see through my own tears, but I hooked his finger with mine.
“I swear,” I whispered.
Instantly, the tension left his body, and he sighed in relief, sinking deeper into the pillows.
“You’re a miracle, Cole Matheson, and I am so bloody grateful for you. And I’m not afraid. Because I love you. I didn’t know I could feel something this good. Or that I deserved to. I will gladly suffer whatever they have in store for me if I know you’re safe. I’ll suffer it a million times over. Because I feel your love too. I feel it and it will carry me through whatever is to come. I promise, you don’t have to worry about me, okay?” He squeezed his finger, still linked in mine. “Pinky swear.”
I leaned over and kissed his forehead, his cheek, his lips. “I love you, Ambri. Always and forever.”
“Love you, Cole. Always and forever.” He closed his eyes. “I’m so tired.”
“I know you are, baby,” I whispered. “Rest now, okay?”
He didn’t answer, but I presumed the pain had made him too weak, since he couldn’t sleep. But I could. My eyes were getting heavier, and I nearly let myself fall under.
No! I can’t let him go.
I started to sit up when it felt like a hand was pressing me back down, gently but with all the strength of a mountain.
You promised him you’d live, mein Schatz, and he has to finish what he started. Where he goes now, you cannot follow.
I struggled against the sensation, but it was useless. The harder I tried to stay awake, the faster I slipped under.
No! Ambri, I love you. I love you and I’m so sorry!
I cried out to him or maybe I only thought I did because I couldn’t move anymore. Couldn’t speak. I was stumbling down into darkness that was limned in blue light. Like falling backward into a warm sea.
The last thing I saw were the shadows in the room. They crawled up the walls, over the bed. They grew long fingers and I tried to scream because they reached for Ambri…
thirty-two
I woke up, which was impossible, because demons don’t sleep. I sensed I was in my human form, but I felt different. My body felt different. Lighter, somehow.
There’s no pain.
I sighed into the pillow. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to take a breath without stabbing agony.
