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He’ll still leave and then where will you be?
With supreme force of will, I raised my hands to his chest and pushed him away.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I shouldn’t have…”
“What’s wrong?” he asked, bewildered and breathless, watching me stride past him.
In front of the fire, I spun to face him. “What’swrong? Where should I start?” Before he could speak, I cut him off. “No, I get it. You think if we fuck, you’ll get me out of your system, and we can pretend that’s all it was ever about.”
“Obviously.”He leveled a finger at me. “And let me remind you thatyoustarted this little heated interlude, not me.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I…I stare at you for hours a day, every day. All I want is to rip off your clothes and…do things. Do everything.”
He gaped. “Bloody hell, man, what are youwaitingfor?”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“Because it’s not just lust, Ambri. I can’t fuck somebody who won’t kiss me.”
He stared, momentarily at a loss. “That’s all? That’s…that’s nothing! A little foible of mine. It doesn’t mean anything—”
“It means a lot to me. And now you’re leaving,” I said, my voice cracking. “That’s why, isn’t it? You’re leaving because you’re fucking scared too.”
“Scared? Me? Never.”
“Jesus, Ambri, youburnedyourself to try to keep yourself from feeling anything. And now—”
“Yes,” he cried with rising frustration, “I burned and yet you still haunt my every thought and waking hour.” He jabbed a finger at me. “You…are…maddening, Cole Matheson. You are unraveling me one thread at a time, and it is torture! Bloody dreadful fuckingtorture!”
I started to speak but he made a cutting gesture with his hand.
“No. Forget it. I don’t need you. I can fuck any human I want. There are hordes of them out there, waitingfor me to make them forget their miserable little lives for a few moments of carnal bliss, and not a single one will give two bloody shits if I kiss them or not!”
He strode to the window and threw up the sash. I crossed my arms tightly, waiting for him to dissolve into the night. Instead, he gripped the sill, his entire body trembling.
“Are you done?”
He hunched his shoulders and loosed an inhuman cry, then brought the sash back down hard enough to send a spiderweb of cracks through the glass.
“Bloody fucking hell.”He whirled around and strode to me. “What is this hold you have over me? Whoareyou?”
I smiled tremulously, the calm to his storm, and took a step toward him. “I’m no one—”
“Lies, all lies,” he muttered, the fight slowly draining out of him. “Youare the angel of death. Mine. You’ll be the death of me. Mark my words.”
I waited a moment while he straightened his jacket and smoothed his hair.
“Ambri,” I said quietly. “Don’t you think I feel the same? It’s not just me or you. It’s us.”
“There can’t be anus, Cole,” he said miserably. “Because there is no me.”
“That’s not true,” I said, moving closer. “I fucking hate that some evil bastard told you that, because it’s a lie. It’s just like she said.”
“Who? That voice…?”
“Jane. You have a light—”
“No…”
