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I freeze, staring in agonized ecstasy to hear the words out loud. Cole can’t love me. None have. Not even Armand. He said the words and then took them back when his heart found something it wanted more.
“He doesn’t. He can’t. You…knownothing,” I manage. “Leave us alone. You’ve got your perfect life. Your perfect happiness. Leave us creatures of the dark to our misery. You are no longer one of our number.”
“Neither are you.”
“Is that so?”
Instantly, I morph into my demonic form, my wings outstretched to their full width, my black eyes boring into his. Casziel falls back against the desk, his eyes wide.
“How quickly you forget,” I say, leering over him. “This is what you were. This is what I am. Still. Always.”
Casziel recovers and swallows hard. “I don’t believe that’s true. I was you, yes. And I was freed.”
“By your angel.”
“By love.”
He takes a step toward me. Before I can say another word, I’m engulfed in his strong embrace. He holds me close, even in this body, with my death burning hot in my black eyes. I stiffen and start to pull away but find myself holding on instead. Clinging to him and morphing slowly back to my human self, my demon form melting away.
“I’m not strong like you,” I whisper. “I’m not strong enough to endure what’s to come.”
“I don’t think that’s true. And you’re not doing this alone, Ambri. I can’t believe that.”
I hold him tight for another moment, my eyes squeezed shut, and then I pull away.
“What you believe and what awaits me are vastly different things,” I say, straightening my suit jacket.
“You forget, I’ve been through hell and back,” Cas says with a small smile. “Our angel—mine and Lucy’s—told me to love her and let her love me. I think that’s the way out, Ambri. Love Cole. Let him love you.”
If that’s all it took, I would have been saved months ago.
“I fear it’s too late.”
“Don’t give up,” Casziel says. “That’s the only way it becomes too late.”
Casziel and Lucy stay for hours, catching up and speaking of banal things such as Lucy’s work with a nonprofit and Casziel’s position at NYU as an adjunct professor of Ancient Civilizations.
But the damage has been done.
Sitting in my flat is living proof that there’s hope for the damned. Casziel sleeps at night, has a commute, a retirement plan, and he’s going to grow old with the love of his life. It’s as if his time in our dark world never was.
The air feels charged now, even more so than usual. My desire to have Cole, to kiss him, to fuck him, to make him mine in every way, is a hunger I haven’t felt in centuries. Worse are the softer thoughts of lying abed with Cole on cold London mornings, basking in the warmth of him—his body, his gaze, his care for me…
Cole’s heated glances my way tell me his thoughts are running along the same track and with more than just “care,” though I won’t let myself believe it’s anything stronger.
But no solution to my little dilemma arrived with Casziel and Lucy. They might have found a way out, but that doesn’t mean mine is assured. I hold my hope in check, even as my will breaks down with every passing hour.
The day of the show arrives. Flowers and gifts of congratulations have been pouring in from Cole’s agent and from those whom Cole explained were Big Names in the art world. He should have been over the moon, but his happiness is held in check too. It’s almost as if my departure occupies him more than his imminent success.
Perhaps Casziel is right, and Cole does have the same depth of feeling for me as I do for him.
That seems impossible. Ludicrous, even.
That afternoon, while Cole changes into his suit in the next room, I stare at my reflection in my bathroom mirror. Beautiful, cold, sharp. The face of a con artist. As a human, I dodged responsibility because I thought I’d paid enough. I indulged in unbridled hedonism to escape the memories of my uncle’s indiscretions. Marie Antoinette may not have lost her head until years after our folly with the necklace, but I helped pave her way to the guillotine.
And when Armand rejected me, I gave up.
I wonder if the benevolent forces are waiting for me to take a stand. To be brave. To declare to This world and the Other that I belong to Cole Matheson, heart and soul.
