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Once the lecture ends, students start filing out of the classroom, and I tuck my stuff away slowly, procrastinating my departure. I’m dreading speaking to him again and have no idea what I want to say. I’m also making sure those phones are far away from us when we do end up speaking.
Right now I’m fighting an internal World War III. My heart wants to run to him and feel those strong arms close around me, pull me close. My brain is telling me to forget about it and kick him to the curb already.
Even as I step off the stairs and gingerly apologize to the speaker, who’s still gathering his notes, I have no idea which way that war is going to end up.
But here I am, about to make a decision in the next few minutes that will affect the rest of my life.
I can see Evan lingering in the hall beyond, past the students, some of whom have stopped to shake his hand. He’s gracious, but I can tell he’s very distracted, scanning the cluster of students for me. When his eyes land on me, trailing at the back of the crowd, he excuses himself and steps to the side, waiting until I can reach him.
“Madeline—”
“Not here. Come on, there’s an empty classroom around here somewhere.” Some of the stragglers are still lingering, watching us speculatively, but Evan turns away from them and puts a hand on my shoulder guiding me to walk deeper into the building. As soon as we’re out of eyeshot of the other students, I step away so that he’s no longer touching me, and his arm slowly drops. His eyes are glued to me, but I look straight ahead.
Just around the corner, there is a small classroom, and I try the door, slipping in before he can say a word. I make sure to stand closest to the door so I don’t have to fight my way past him to escape. As he enters after me, I make sure to position myself accordingly.
I slide my backpack off my shoulder and set it on the nearest desk and then turn to him.
“Okay, so obviously you are very determined to say what you need to say to me, but I want your word that once you have said it that you’ll back off, stop bothering me and let me stand by my choices.”
He swallows visibly before nodding. “Very well.”
I lace my fingers together in front of me and wait for him to speak.
“I’m a fucking fool. I was wrong, so wrong about us. We weren’t over. We aren’t over. I—I need you.” He hesitates, and my gaze flickers away from his. Deeply uncomfortable at the pain I see there, I squeeze my eyes closed, forcing determination. He sucks in a breath and adds, “I love you, Madeline.” My eyes open and we lock gazes as my breath freezes. “Deeply. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. Ever.”
I let out a breath and shake my head as tears threaten, prickling at the backs of my eyes and throat. “I see through this. You cut things off between us so callously, don’t contact me for a month. No word. Nothing. Then I hear you’re interviewing for a new mistress.”
Surprise flashes across his face, and it gives me a little satisfaction to see it. He obviously didn’t think I knew about that.
“Yeah,” I say bitterly. “I heard all about that.”
“Madeline—” He reaches for me, but I flinch, and his hand drops. “I thought I could replace you. I thought another mistress would fill the deep void you left behind. She would help me forget about you. But halfway through interviews, I realized I just couldn’t do it. No one can replace you, Madeline. No one. So I called it off.”
I swallow, not sure if I believe him. “Okay, so you finally felt a hint of human emotion. Congratulations.” I push out a breath. “But I still think its really convenient that you happen to see me across campus walking close beside some other guy and suddenly you’re all over me. Blowing up my phone, pounding at my door. You have to have me back? No way. This is just another in a long series of efforts to control me.”
Evan’s shaking his head through everything, but rather than looking angry, he looks like he’s in pain. His brow’s furrowed, his jaw clenched. He’s swallowing hard, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. But he says nothing.
The tears are pooling at the bottom of my vision, threatening to blind me. “I can’t do this. I just can’t—” I finally choke out. Hands fisting at my sides, I snatch up my backpack by the strap and turn to leave the room.
In a split second, he’s spun and is now in front of me, blocking my way to the door in spite of my careful maneuverings. The tears are about to spill over, and God, I don’t want him to see me cry, damnit.
“Evan—”
But before I can say anything else, he does something I never could have imagined, never could have predicted. My lungs suck in gallons of air, jaw dropping in utter shock.
Evan Kohl falls to his knees on the ground in front of me.
Chapter 36
Forgiveness
I’m standing frozen in front of the doorway, wishing desperately I could leave. But Kohl has dropped to his knees, blocking me from exiting the room.
Mercifully, he doesn’t reach for me. My heart is racing in my chest, and I don’t know what to say.
“Madeline, I’m on my knees and I’m offering you everything…my heart, my soul. My body. All of it.”
I bite my lip, considering. “What was your plan, Evan? Stay away until you saw another man show an interest in me?”
