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“Ford, this won’t work between us long term. I’d rather we acknowledge that now so we can be friends. Prevent any weirdness at the office.” She gently pushed me back, then jumped off the counter.
“Oh, no. Don’t I get a say here? You just decide that things won’t work out based on what exactly? Past failed relationships? Because everyone I know has gone through those. That’s how you know when someone’s right for you. At least, that’s how it was for me. How I knew that there’s no one else I want in my life other than you.”
A single tear fell down her cheek. I reached out to swipe it away, but she backed up, out of my reach.
“I’m okay. Really.” Goldie scrubbed her face, erasing another tear. She took another step away from me, crossed her arms, and I felt her slipping away from me.
“You don’t look okay. I realize this may be too soon for you, but I need to let you know how I feel about you. We’re at a time in our lives where waiting, or following some arbitrary pattern of dating rules before enough time has passed to say I love you.”
Her smile had disappeared fully. At my declaration, instead of joy on her face, all I saw was more sadness.
“Goldie, talk to me, baby.”
“Do you remember what I said to you in your truck the other day?”
“You said a lot of things. Which one am I supposed to remember?” My tone came out sharper than I wanted it to.But what the hell was going on here?
Sighing, she ran her hands through her tousled, golden-brown hair. Hair my hands had been wrapped in not that long ago when I was inside her and she was crying out my name, coming all over my cock. I would give just about anything to be back in that moment right now, telling her I love her over and over until she believed it. Until she knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I told you about my surgery. How I couldn’t put it off any longer?”
My hands itched to pull her in close, to comfort her. But I could tell this was a hard subject for her, so the best thing I could do right now was listen. Mimicking her stance, I crossed my arms and nodded for her to continue.
“Having a hysterectomy means more than no more periods. In my case, it also meant no more excruciating pain. I suffered from endometriosis for years because I never had health insurance that would offset the cost enough for me. Until I started working for Carter Security.”
“That’s great. I’m really happy that we could have helped you out—”
“Without a uterus, it means no babies, Ford.” She looked at me now. “You said it yourself. We’re at a time in our lives where making choices for the rest of our lives needs to happen now if they’re ever going to happen.”
Not sure quite where she was headed, I needed to let her know that not having a uterus would change my mind about her, about needing her in my life.
“That’s not quite what I said, and I think you’re making an awfully big assumption here, Goldie. If I wanted kids, don’t you think I would have by now?”
“What if one day you figure out that you really do want a child of your own? I can’t give you one, Ford. And I don’t want to be the reason you can’t. I need to end this before I fall any deeper, before Lily has a chance to become attached to you before my heart gets broken.”
The word “again” went unspoken. She was worried about the past when all I was focusing on was the future. I could no longer just stand there and not touch her as more tears fell on her cheeks. I scooped her up and marched back to her bedroom. Placing her gently on the mattress, I joined her, gathering her close. I wasn’t sure of the right words, so I just went on instinct.
Placing my hand over her abdomen, I gently circle her flesh and the scar from her surgery. “I did not fall in love with you, thinking you’d give me a kid. This part of you was important, yes. It brought you Lily Ann. And I can’t wait to know her better. You’re so lucky to have been able to have her, sweetheart. But my love is not conditional. I don’t need you to have a baby with me. I just need you. I’m asking for a chance here. To show you, prove to you how much I love you and that you are everything I could ever want. That one day, I’d love to be Lily’s stepfather. There are other ways to have another child and if that’s what you really want, we can explore those. But know this, for me, I don’t need any more time to know that you are the only one I don’t want to live without. That we, the three of us, are all the family I need. I love you, Goldie.”
Epilogue
EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER
GOLDIE
“Mom,get in here! He’s got ahold of my hair and won’t let go.”
The weekends had never been the same once Ford had moved us into his house on the lake shortly before we got married last year. Now Saturdays were filled with outdoor activities and Sundays with sports watch on the huge sixty-inch screen in his man cave. Then there was Chester. I hadn’t known he would be part of the deal until after I’d fallen in love with Ford.
The dog wasn’t a dog. He was a small horse. He loved Lily Ann and was a fierce protector of everyone in the family. Especially the newest member who relished all the love and attention but was a real stinker when it came to long hair. And dog tails.
Laughing at the desperation I heard in her voice, I walked into the front room, knowing what I’d find. “Okay, relax. Mama’s here. I have just the thing to distract him.” Chester let out a loud woof at my entrance. “Not you, silly. You already got your treat for the day.”
Ford walked into the room behind me, his laughter mixing with mine.
I approached Lily Ann and her tormentor. Although he was way too adorable to truly be stuck with that nickname. “Okay, mister. Let go of your sister’s hair and you’ll get a cookie.” I waved the teething biscuit in front of Hudson, and like magic, he lunged at me, releasing the lock of Lily Ann’s hair he’d had wrapped in his chubby little fist.
“I got to hand it to you, Mrs. Carter. Your instincts with him never cease to amaze me.”
“Stick with me, Mr. Carter. I’ve got a lot more tricks. And with this little stinker, I have a feeling his teenage years will prove interesting.” With Hudson in my arms, happily drooling on his biscuit, I stood on tiptoe and kissed my husband. Lily made gagging noises in the background, but secretly I knew how much she loved her dad. She’d begun calling that not long after we got married.
Wrapped up in Ford’s arms, tears welled in my eyes. They appeared not just from the incredible blessing of being able to foster, then adopt Hudson when I’d confided to Ford last year I wanted to expand our family and he’d wholeheartedly supported me. No, the tears unlike the ones I’d shed over so many happy moments since I told Ford how much I loved him, were from having the sweetest little boy in my arms, with a chubby little hand full of a now soggy biscuit and his other wrapped around a lock of my hair. Ouch!
This pain, however, I could handle.
THE END
