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“Everything is a lot.”
“I know,” I agree, pathetically, because she's not wrong. Everythingisa lot. It's too much. This man is too much, and I keep replaying the kiss we shared in the vet clinic.
It was intense. It was hot and so possessive.
I've never experienced anything like that from any man. I get it. The vet was flirting with me. I could tell he wanted to ask me out. I would have said no, but when he asked how I knew Nick, I didn't know how to reply.
I don't know what I am to him. But the possessive way he kissed me says I'm his.
And the way he growledminesays there's no question about that. But I don't know what being his means.
Does he mean I am his while I'm here? Does he mean that the next few weeks over the Christmas holiday that we're going to have this hot and wild affair, and then we're going to call it quits and I'm going to go home and take my new cat and forget all about him? Because that's not how this is going to work for me. I'm going to remember him. I'm going to remember the smell of him. I'm never going to forget the taste of him or the way his hands feel on my body. The rough against the soft—the way I fall into him—the way I forget everything when he kisses me. I'm not going to forget that. I'm not going to forgethim.And Katie's right—he might be safe, but my heart isn't.
My heart is in this, and that's terrifying to me. Because if all he wants now is a good time, a quick lay, a hot affair—I've never been that for anyone. I've never wanted to be that for anyone. I've been saving myself for the one guy. The last guy. He might not know that, and I don't know how to tell him that—so right now I’m kind of screwed. Big time.
“Babe?” Katie calls.
“Hmm?”
“Where'd you go?”
“I don't know,” I lie.
“Liar,” she accuses, knowing me inside and out. “I know what you're thinking. You're going to fall for this guy, and you're going to fall hard.”
“I already am,” I whine.
“Just—just don't give him everything, okay?” she pleads softly. “If he's not going to give it all to you, hold a little bit of yourself back.”
“How do I do that?”
“Just have fun,” she tells me genuinely. “I know that wasn't your plan, that you've always planned on giving yourself to that one guy, that special guy. But babe, maybe that special guy doesn't exist. You've just got to let yourself have fun. Explore. The right guy will come around when it's right. Maybe he won't be the special guy, but he'll be the right guy.”
Her words crush me hard, because the reality is she's probably right. I’ve been clinging to a fantasy, hoping for a love like Mom and Dad had—dreaming to live a life like they did. But that's not my life. And maybe that's not in the stars for me.
I have to accept that. “Yeah.” I try to push enthusiasm into my voice, but Katie hears through it. She always hears through it.
“It's going to be okay, and you can come home anytime. I'll pick you up from the airport whenever. Youandyour new cat.” She snorts a laugh before getting serious and soft again. “Whenever, Sadie.”
“Thanks.”
“Have fun and be crazy, like me,” she encourages.
I laugh because sheiscrazy. She would take this crazy ass situation by the horns, and she'd ride it like a devil without a care. I wish I could be more like her.
“Crazy. Got it. I'll be crazy.”
“No, you won't.” She sighs. “But you'll try, and that's the best I can ask for.”
I laugh again, because again, she's right. “Well, being crazy is what got me here in the first place. So, who knows? Maybe I really will let loose and be crazy. Ride the bull.”
“Girl, ride the man, not the bull.”
I snort. “You are so dirty all the time!”
Yep, I am. And I expect you to call me with all the dirty details,” she huffs. “I know you're holding out on me. So, you get your shit together. You figure out how you're going to tell me, and then you tell me. I'll be waiting for you to call.”
“Yeah, okay.” I roll my eyes and know damn well she hears it. “Have a good one, Katie. Love you.”
