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The first thing I do is snatch a five-pound amethyst geode from my desk in the corner of my bedroom, tossing it through the picture window that sits above my bed. My bedroom is directly above the courtyard that sprawls throughout the garden behind our house, and I know my father will be furious to see me make a mess of it.
The geode falls onto the cobblestone path with a dense, dissatisfying crack. I need to find something else that’ll draw more attention.
I glance around my bedroom with a wild look in my eye, determined to find the most impractical items to throw through the rest of the unbroken windows. Someone is going to listen to me, and if I have to destroy the entire backyard to be heard, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. It’s not like any of this stuff is irreplaceable, anyway.
After a few moments of weighing my options, I choose to toss the mirror hanging above my dresser. The irony of smashing two things at once feels irresistible to me, especially knowing that it’ll create twice the noise. I could just resolve to set something on fire until the man at the door is forced to let me out, but that wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying.
The mirror is heavier than I expected it to be, but I can’t give up now. I brace myself, placing all my weight on my heels before I fling the mirror into the window. It crashes through it with a delicious, effervescent cascade of pure noise as the pieces fall into the walking path below. It’s going to take days to clean up all of this glass. Even if it’s nothing but an inconvenience, I’m doing my part in disrupting my father’s expectations that I’ll submit to this stranger.
Once the mirror is gone, I’m overcome by the desire to tear my room to pieces at all costs. It feels insane, to be honest, but I have nothing to lose. In fact, I’ll lose my self-respect if I choose to sit on my bed and wait patiently for someone to rescue me.
I start at the large bookshelf at the far end of the room, tearing down each row of books until I’m nearly able to climb the pile forming at the base. I’m tempted to rip the bookshelf off its stabilizing nails, but I like it a little too much to see it destroyed forever. If anything survives my wrath, it’ll be this shelf. I wonder if that makes me a merciful god or an especially cruel one.
The only thing that survives my rampage besides my shelf is a small collection of porcelain figures that my mother has been giving me every year on my birthday since I was a baby. The thought of destroying them hurts my heart from the inside out, so I’m careful to avoid them as the rest of the room collapses around me.
Sooner than I expect, I hear someone pounding on my door.
It’s working!
“Mika! What the fuck are you doing?!” shouts my father from the other side of the door.
I grab a bedside lamp from my nightstand and throw it at the door as hard as I can. That’s as much of a response as he can expect until he tells me what the fuck is going on.
“For fucksake, stop throwing shit! If you’ll give me two goddamn seconds, I can explain what’s going on!” he bellows.
Secretly disappointed that I have to end my reign of terror over my belongings, I retreat to the edge of my bed. “Okay, fine! Then explain!”
He opens the door, slamming it behind himself as hard as he can. “This is fucking ridiculous, Mika! It’s like you’re turning into an animal! What kind of man do you think is going to want you if you pull this shit whenever you’re upset about something? Fuck!”
I remain seated on my bed, arms crossed without a word. Now, I’ve finally been able to make him upset about something. Maybe this time can be the last time if he chooses not to infantilize me ever again.
“Who is that man outside my door?” I ask in the most unbothered, calm voice that I can muster. We’re trading temperaments for once, and I’m not sure if I like it quite yet.
“If you would have given me ten fucking minutes, I could have explained that to you without you ruining all your shit. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted?” he asks, exasperated.
“Not sure. I won’t know until you tell me why you’re allowing strangers to throw me over their shoulders like that,” I reply.
He sighs heavily, rolling his eyes as he sits next to me. “The way you’ve been behaving lately is going to get all of us killed. It’s not enough for us to have different last names if you’re going to be running through the streets the way you have been. I have no idea what else to do. So, you have a bodyguard now.”
As soon as he finishes his sentence, my face burns hot with anger and humiliation. The use of the wordbodyguardwas purely for my benefit. What he meant to say wasbabysitter.
“No fucking way. Why don’t you just put me on a leash and tie me up outside? At least then you’d be more transparent about how you feel about me,” I growl.
“It isn’t how I feel about you, Mika. But I can’t afford the stress of knowing that you’re getting involved with anybody who is willing to buy you wine and text you good morning. I have way too much to be stressing out over, and the fact that you’re behaving this way despite knowing that is selfish.”
Just as I’m about to protest, he raises up his hand to silence me.
“Dominik, come in,” he commands.
Within ten seconds, the man who dragged me through my own house walks into my bedroom, standing against the wall with his hands behind his back. Clearly, he fancies himself some kind of soldier, which adds to my distaste for him tenfold. His whole aura oozes self-importance.
“Mika, this is Dominik Pasternak. He’s going to be keeping an eye on you for the foreseeable future. I recognize you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, so I recommend apologizing to him for a better working relationship,” my father explains, gesturing over Dominik.
I stare at my father in disbelief. Not only does he want me to allow this man into my personal space at all times, but he expects me toapologizeto him? For what?
Being born a girl was such a mistake. I really wish I could take it back. No son of my father would ever be ordered to apologize to someone like Dominik.
“I don’t have time to mediate between the two of you, so I’m leaving Dominik here to ensure you both get acquainted. I know him very well, and I need you to trust that I wouldn’t put your safety into the hands of someone who would hurt you,” he continues, slowly getting up off the bed and warily glancing over at me.
