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Her eyes grow wide as I raise my voice, and she picks up a plate from out of the sink and throws it at me. She narrowly misses my head, and for once her frailty and lack of coordination has benefitted me instead of causing me stress.
The plate shatters behind me, and when I look back at Mika, she’s already holding back sobs. Her face is red, and she keeps touching her eyes as if to keep her makeup from running.
“You’re such a fucking asshole. Why did you even come here? Why the fuck don’t you just leave?” she shouts, grabbing another plate from the sink and hurling it at my head. “Everyone always leaves when you need them anyway, so why not you, too?”
I don’t know how to calm her at all. She’s ready to fly into a rage at this point, and I have no idea what kinds of damage she’ll do to the house if I let her have her way. She might be small, but I’ve seen her destroy entire rooms before. Remi would murder me if I let her destroy his house during one of her tantrums.
“Mika, please just calm down. We can talk about this like adults,” I reply in a calm, metered voice. “All you have to do is tell me what’s going on.”
Now that I’m close enough to touch her, I reach out to stroke her face before she smacks my hand away.
“Don’t fucking touch me! God, why do you feel like you get to touch me whenever you want?” she shrieks.
It looks like she doesn’t want me to reassure her by touching her, which confuses me immensely. She was all over me just last night. What the fuck changed?
“You know what, Mika? You’re fucking out of control. Nobody will ever be able to help you if you’ve got that massive fucking ego, and you’re going to need all the help you can get when the Albanians are whoring you out,” I shout back as my anger overcomes me.
“Get out! Get the fuck out!” she screams at the top of her lungs as another plate flies towards my head.
This time, I decide that I truly can’t take anymore of her bullshit for the day. She’s exhausted me so much already that I can’t stand to be near her for one more minute, and considering how much time I spend thinking about her, this feels like a new record for me.
The fact that being away from her feels good at all scares me, but I need to tell myself that she’ll come around. I have so little time left with her that I can’t waste it on being angry.
23
MIKA
It took forever for Dominik to stop guarding my bedroom door. When he finally leaves, I’m able to gather what little cash I have to my name and begin my descent from my bedroom window.
The first time I did this, it was unpracticed and poorly planned. This time, I’ve come up with multiple plans of action in case something was to happen. I can’t leave room for anything to keep me from escaping from this hellhole – not Dominik, not my father, not anyone.
I quietly pull my jacket on, zipping it little by little to avoid making any sound. At this point, I feel like I’m being too careful, but I’d be fucked if Dominik were to get suspicious and catch me.
Looking down at the ground from my bedroom window sends chills down my spine. The drop would kill me if I fell incorrectly, and the suspicion of my suicide would create even more layers in this ridiculous saga. When it was discovered that I was pregnant when I died, it would be too much for my father to handle. His whole family will have been destroyed by his empire.
Taking a deep breath, I steady myself on the ledge just outside my bedroom. It’s big enough to fit my feet, but only barely. It’s still pretty dark out here, and one misstep would send me to my death.
I inch my way across the ledge until I’ve reached a tree branch that’s just accessible enough to climb onto. This whole escapade feels absurd, but when I think about the reasons that I’m running away in the first place, it all starts to fall into place. Nothing is truly absurd or insane in the Bratva life, not even this.
I’ve left my phone at home in order to avoid being tracked by any means. I can’t leave room for any mistakes. The risk is far too high for me to be overlooking something as easy as GPS tracking.
As much as I wish I could have said a true goodbye to Dominik, I feel like the fight I instigated was necessary. Now that his last memories of me will be negative, it’ll be easier for him to move on.
I try to picture what his life will look like when he realizes I’m gone forever. How long will it take him to fuck someone else? How easily will he move on from me?
The only thing I left behind for Dominik is a letter that I wrote him, telling him how sorry I am that it has to be this way and to get out by any means possible. If my last words to him get him out of this horrible life, then I will have accomplished something great.
Crawling through the tree branch is much more painful than I expected it to be. Sliding my belly across the bark scratches me all the way up and down my arms and legs, and it takes me at least ten minutes just to get halfway across the branch. I never imagined I would be in a situation like this, and if I had, I would have prepared better.
After twenty-five minutes of intense struggle, I’m finally able to place myself back on solid ground. I want to stop and catch my breath, but there’s no time at all to waste. I need to get off this property and to a bus station as quickly as possible.
I’ve never been off the property without an escort of some kind unless I was sneaking out to go to a party. Being this free should feel good, but I’m almost too aware of how vulnerable I am to enjoy the freedom at all. I’m so used to having someone here to protect me that I feel like a turtle without a shell. It must be terrifying to be a woman in the world with nobody to keep her safe.
I pull the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands to preserve my warmth and press on. We’re not that far from downtown, and I feel anxiety vibrating in my belly as I continue onward. There are hardly any people out here right now, so every street feels ghostly and sinister.
As I glance around at the buildings lining the streets, I remember how exhilarating it was to escape from Dominik the first time we went out I public together. A couple of people gave us disapproving looks, and at the time, I was disgusted that anyone would get any ideas about us in their head. The mental image of us being a couple was nauseating at the time, but now I want to hold on to those little memories. It’s the last I’ll have of Dominik until the baby is born.
That was the day we had our first kiss. The wrongness, the rebellion of it all, was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I needed more of him from the second he touched me, and that feeling hasn’t gotten any less intense. Having sex with him might have been a huge mistake in the long run, and even in the present, but part of me wouldn’t have it any other way.
