AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Please…” she whimpers softly.
It’s time for me to make the right choice, to end this conversation before I allow my emotions to consume me. If I stay in here for a minute longer, I’m going to make a choice that I’m sure to regret. I have enough of those already.
“No, Mika. Now go to sleep and never, ever speak about this again.”
Her eyes fill with fresh tears again, flowing from an eternal wellspring of her disappointment and sadness. She wants to jump into my arms just to feel like someone cares for her. In a way, I wonder if that’s part of why she wanted me to leave with her so badly. She wants me to prove that I love her.
But I can’t.
I don’t say another word as I turn around, shutting the light off and closing the door as quietly as I can.
Talking to her like that doesn’t feel good, and I hate that it’s something I have to do often. Her behavior isn’t the only thing that’s been affected by her poor socialization, her expectations have been warped as well.
I want to give her everything she could ever want, to provide that stability and reassurance that she needs, whether she admits it or not. I’m the first man she’s ever met who has been this involved in her life, and now she feels like I’m failing her.
25
MIKA
My hope that Dominik and I will ever be together is dwindling by the hour. Even the idea of me escaping on my own seems impossible now. I believed that I had thought through my plan so well that nothing could go wrong, but in the end, what my father says is true – the Italians are always watching.
This is one of the times when I have a moment of clarity, and I ask myself why the hell my father couldn’t have just been a dentist or a mailman. He had to become one of the most dangerous people in the city, putting my mother and me at risk in order to keep his ego from deflating. I’ve never asked him why he joined the Bratva, and I don’t think it’s important at this point. We’re all dealing with the consequences of his choice now.
I’m furious at Dominik for choosing to take my father’s side in forcing me to be here. If he wanted what was best for me, he would have at least tried to help me escape instead of bringing me all the way back here.
Maybe I was naïve to assume that a man would betray another man, especially one that he considers family. Men love to pretend that they would do anything for a woman that they love, but as soon as a bigger, more powerful man stands in their way, they concede to the fight. It’s over before it even started, and the cycle continues.
Dominik has been acting so formal with me since our fight, and it’s starting to really wear on my nerves. He’s always been very guarded, but there were always glimpses of him that wanted to give me more than he could. I could see his eyes change, and that was enough for me to know that he wanted me. I didn’t even have to know what he wanted to say – his intent was clear.
He doesn’t even really believe that I’m pregnant. He pretended that he did for a moment, but I can see in his eyes that he thinks I’m just trying to manipulate him. I can’t believe that he would reduce me into that person, the baby-crazy girl who is losing her relationship and is desperate for a chance to keep him.
I’m beginning to fear that this whole time, he really has just been using me and is trapped with me because of his obligation to my father. What if he actually can’t stand me at all? What if I’ve been projecting my need for love onto him where there was none to begin with?
For the last few days, I’ve been easing myself into a full-on hunger strike. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it all at once. I’m not strong enough for that. Even skipping one meal a day is difficult, and my nausea doesn’t help. I’m not going to eat until Dominik is far from this horrible place, and there’s nothing he can do to change that except do what I say.
It’s taken a day or so, but Dominik is starting to notice that I’ve been skipping dinner for the past three nights. He hasn’t said anything, but I can feel tension forming between us that isn’t nearly as intoxicating or fun as what we had before. There’s a confrontation coming, and I sure as hell won’t be initiating it.
I’m hoping that Dominik will just give in to my hunger strike and leave the Bratva like I told him to. All I want is for him to survive this, and if he stays here, his chances of being killed get higher every day.
Starving myself will also be terrible for the baby, and I’d like to believe that he would at least put the wellbeing of his child above his own. It feels like a terrible thing to do, but I’m trying to save lives in the process.
Since I’ve been eating in my room for the last month, Dominik has been leaving a plate of food outside my door to encourage me to eat. He still thinks that this is just vestigial teen depression, that I’ll snap out of it tomorrow morning and be ready to ride his dick again.
I hear him walking up the stairs to give me my lunch. He’s always so punctual. It drives me insane. I don’t even have a reason for it to bother me so much, but he’s hereevery dayat twelve-thirty on the dot. What the fuck?
He knocks on my door, and I recoil at the noise even though I was anticipating it.
“Mika, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’m going to watch you eat this plate of food until it’s gone. Do you understand?” he says through the door.
“Oh my god, leave me the fuck alone!” I shout, ready to scream at the top of my lungs if he tries to force-feed me.
He opens the door, closing it immediately behind him. “Mika, this is fucking ridiculous. You need to eat. I’m not going to keep playing this game with you. You’re being really immature.”
“What makes you think that calling me immature will make me want to take food from you?” I ask, pulling the hood of my sweatshirt over my head. It’s helps me feel enclosed, like nobody can invade the little of space between my head and the cloth. Lately, it feels like it’s the only safe place I have.
“Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m still not leaving this room until you’re finished eating. And don’t worry, I’ll decide when you’re finished.”
I’m so tired of him. He’s such an asshole all the time, and he keeps trying to make himself seem bigger and scarier than he is. If he wanted me to fear him, he shouldn’t have fucked me. He gave up that power when he stuck his dick in me.
