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The men around me are operating as if everything is business as usual. This life has cost them their humanity, and most of them don’t even have a wife or a family to go home to at night. They thought they were escaping the wage-slave meat grinder of the working world, but they’re getting fucked just as bad as everybody else.
As I listen in to the conversations that the women are having, I hear a little about their families back home and how much they miss them, can’t wait to see them. It breaks me on the inside, and I realize ten years too late that the Bratva should have never become my religion.
29
MIKA
Ihaven’t seen Dominik for three days now. I don’t know exactly where he went, but at least he’s finally gone. All I can hope is that he went somewhere far away to start his life over.
Being able to eat again knowing that I’ve earned it on my own feels incredible. I’m still getting sick more often than not, but being able to taste real food again adds a miniscule amount of joy back into the unrelenting nightmare that is my life.
My father hired a new bodyguard for me, but I absolutely hate him. His name is Dima, and even though he’s built like a Rottweiler, he’s the most annoying, condescending man I’ve ever met.
Every time he’s tried to initiate a conversation with me, it’s felt like an attempt for him to test my intelligence. It’s even better for him if he asks me something Idon’tknow the answer to, and then he takes it upon himself to teach me out of the goodness of his heart. He’s just like every other Bratva man I’ve ever met. He loves to watch me get nervous around him. I think it makes him feel powerful.
I’ve been thinking about Dominik constantly since the night he came into my room. I’ve had vivid dreams about him every night. Waking up from them is just as painful each morning, no matter how many times I do it. He always feels so real, and I hold him as close as I can before I can feel myself being pulled from the deep waters of sleep.
To make matters worse, I think Dima might have the same kind of attraction to me that Dominik did. The way he interacts with me makes me feel like he’s trying to neg me into more interaction with him. I decided to start paying attention to the way he looks at me, and he’s always looking at me like he secretly wants to eat me.
Avoiding him has been difficult, but I’m able to make him bored by sleeping in the middle of the day. I don’t really need to sleep as much now that I’m eating again, but it’s the only way that I can avoid Dima. It’s boring and just as depressing as before, but now I feel like my house has been taken over by him.
It’s six PM, and I’ve been sitting in my bedroom pretending to read when suddenly, my father storms into my room with blind rage in his eyes.
My stomach drops to the floor as I look closer at his hand and notice that he’s holding my positive pregnancy test.
“What the fuck is this?!” he shouts, coming towards me so aggressively that I worry he’s going to throw me right out the window.
“What do you want me to say? It is what it looks like!” I shriek, already feeling my sense of self-preservation start to kick in. I want to fight, but my body is preparing to shut down from the sheer stress.
My vision tunnels as he walks toward me. “Who the fuck did this to you? Huh?” he spits. “Are you going to tell me, or do I need to find a way to make you confess?”
Just when I’m about to answer, two of my father’s associates stomp into the room, holding Dominik and Slava at gunpoint. I shriek, speechless to finally be witnessing what could be my own undoing.
“Was it this motherfucker?!?” he shouts, pointing at Dominik.
“What? No! Of course not!” I shout, feeling a twinge of guilt in my stomach for even suggesting that I wouldn’t want to be with Dominik.
Now is not the time, but I’d hate to betray him.
“Then who was it? Don’t lie to me, you little cunt! I’ll find out who it was and chop him up in front of you. Do you understand?!”
I nod, my body shaking so much from terror that I can hardly stay still at all.
“It was someone I snuck inside! He climbed up to my window from the ledge!” I lie, glancing at Dominik and Slava to try to read their faces.
Dominik is remaining collected, but I can see the dread in his eyes as he makes eye contact with me. Slava is more obvious about his panic, his face sweaty and eyes wide with fear.
“She’s telling the truth, I swear! I heard the noise by the ledge, but I thought it was just an animal!” Slava says, his breathing heavy and panicked.
My father looks over at him, his expression questioning and suspicious. “Why should I believe him?”
“Because I would never want to sleep with Dominik. That’s fucking disgusting!” I shout, feeling my stomach tying in knots as I realize that this might be the only way to save Dominik’s life.
“Yeah, I’d never let that motherfucker touch me. You should know that by now. Why wouldn’t you trust my judgment?” I continue, crying on the inside as I look Dominik in the face and insult him.
I can’t tell by looking at him if he knows that I’m lying or if he really believes what I’m saying. He’s smart enough to know better, but there’s always the chance that he still won’t.
“But even aside from that, I still need him as my bodyguard. Dima is doing a shit job. I fucking hate him and want him out tonight!” I shout, hoping to regain some of my lost trust. Dominik at least has to understand that I’m trying to save his life, even if it seems like I’m betraying him.
