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I contemplate walking to avoid being seen leaving the restaurant in a cab, but it would take too long to get back to the hotel that way. Not to mention, I would hate for someone to spot us walking and notify the police in case they have already been called. There are no good choices to make here, only the choices that will preserve us a little longer until the dust settles.
The taxi ride back to the hotel is extremely awkward and tense, and I’m certain that the driver thinks that we’re a couple who has been fighting on a date. He seems uncomfortable, but he doesn’t look suspicious. He can think I’m a horrible husband for all I care as long as he doesn’t have us tracked.
Grisha is really beginning to get in my head now, and I have no proof that he’s even here. I need to figure out what the fuck is going on with him, with Adam, and with the damn drugs before I have an aneurysm.
I felt like I really had the upper hand on him, but now I’m not so sure. I’m certain he would find great pleasure in knowing how paranoid he’s got me without his direct hand working against us. I hate that bastard for making a fool of me, and now I’m more motivated than ever to hunt him down, skin him alive, and make him eat his own cock.
Faye is in tears by the time we get back to the hotel, and I feel awful looking into her eyes as the light from the hallways glazes over them. She probably thinks this has something to do with her, or maybe me not wanting to be in public with her. Either way, I’m hoping I can make it up to her.
19
Faye
The date had to turn sour, of course. We can’t just have a nice time without it getting interrupted by something related to a maniacal little Russian man without a conscience. That’s what I assume it’s all about, I don’t actually know for sure. Aleksander won’t tell me.
“Can you please explain to me what happened at the restaurant? You’re really freaking me out and I feel like I deserve to know. I’ve been patient enough being out here with you and not asking questions and you still won’t tell me a damn thing!”
Aleksander looks at me, defeated and hungry. “Nothing actually happened, I just made a stupid mistake.”
My interest is piqued considering that nothing had even happened at the restaurant. We had hardly sat down before he rushed us out, and I didn’t hear any screaming or gunshots.
“What happened? And why couldn’t you have told me sooner? It’s really unfair that you think it’s okay to string me along when we’re in mortal danger,” I say, feeling out of my element enforcing boundaries. It’s empowering, but I also wish I didn’t have to be so aggressive about it in the first place.
“I thought I saw someone who looks like Grisha’s men. To be fair to me, the manwasBelarusian, so he was definitely not Japanese and he had the same facial structure as someone who would be in Grisha’s circle. I apprehended him and he turned out to just be some guy. He’s here to cure cancer,” he replies, sounding particularly guilty at the end.
“Well, maybe we should just resign ourselves to being stuck in here until we can go home. I’d rather have no expectations than to have them be ruined constantly,” I reply.
He rolls his eyes. “You know I would never try to do something that would hurt or disappoint you. The situation is just shitty. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that.”
I want to withdraw from the argument already, knowing that I’m not well-versed in the art of deflection or defense. “I really just wish I could go home. My family is worried sick about me. I need to return to a routine soon or I’m going to start going insane!”
“We’ve been over this. You know that I can’t just bring you back to the US. There are going to be major repercussions if we get caught, and I need to make sure that I can manage my business when I get back,” he replies, sitting on the couch as he begins to take off his jacket and shoes.
“Can I at least go get us some groceries? We’ve been ordering in a lot and I feel so bloated,” I say in a softer, more agreeable tone.
He glances at me suspiciously. “Why don’t we just order something that won’t make you bloated? I don’t know how I feel about you going out to the shops right now.”
I want to scream. I need to go to a shop just to get out of this damn hotel room, not to mention the much bigger issue of needing a pregnancy test that I know he won’t provide for me. He’ll probably write me off as being dramatic just like all men do.
“Please Aleksander, I need to get some fresh air. You don’t have to come with, and I’ll only be gone for a little while. Please.”
He pauses before answering, taking a deep breath and walking across the room to the bed where he lies down. “You can do whatever you want, but I’m staying right here. just don’t go to far.”
I feel my heart leap in my chest. I’m finally going to find out if I’m actually pregnant. I haven’t thought at all about how I’m going to react, how I would hide the emotions around Aleksander. I would probably feel tempted to tell him too early before I knew whether I could really trust him. If I have to have this baby by myself in the states just to stay safe from the bratva, I’ll have to keep this a secret from him. It’s going to kill me.
I can’t get ahead of myself. One step at a time. I could just be late from stress. It happens all the time, right? The female body is a mystery after all.
He gives me a key to the room, and I sneak out with my coat pulled up over my face. I doubt anyone in Japan would recognize a fugitive from the US, but Aleksander seems particularly high-strung about the whole thing. If it were me that got recognized, he would never forgive me or himself.
The walk down to the lobby of the hotel feels so strange without Aleksander by my side. We’ve been joined at the hip for the entire time we’ve known each other, and I have to admit that the breathing room is nice. He has this tension about him that perfuses into the space around him like an aura. I understand why he’s like that, and to be fair he’s probably more relaxed when things are going well for him.
Still, my energy feels quieter.
Something I’ve noticed about Japan versus America is that the people here are so much more polite. People stand in regular lines, don’t talk loudly on the phone, and clean up after themselves and their kids. I feel a little out of place even being here knowing that I’ve been socialized like an American. I wonder if anyone thinks I’m intrusive or obnoxious here.
When I step outside, I can feel tiny rain drops teasing the possibility of a storm. A storm would usually sound so cozy and relaxing to me, but I’m far too anxious to enjoy it right now. It feels like a waste, not being able to enjoy something as beautiful and simplistic as a storm in Japan. I might never get to come back here, I don’t want to miss out on such a simple pleasure.
The rain begins to fall steadily as I approach a small pharmacy at the corner of our street. I’d already spotted this place when we were on our way to the restaurant, so I’m thrilled that I don’t have to waste time looking around. Aleksander will probably be expecting me back in a shorter amount of time because of the rain, but I only have one thing that I absolutely need to do.
