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She immediately blushed, thinking that there could be only one thing on his mind right now. That devilish little voice urged her to agree, to invite him but she refused to succumb to that temptation.
"I don't–" she started, but he didn't allow her to continue.
"I did not mean anything of the sort," he said, reading her mind. "It's just that... you've helped me, and I would like to return the favor."
"How?" she wondered.
He smiled. "I trusted you, didn't I?" He paused, allowing her to nod. "Now, it is your turn to trust me."
She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. She headed to her chamber, in silence, knowing that he was following. When she arrived, she passed through the door, leaving it open. He closed it after himself.
"Go to bed," he urged.
Bed?That little voice alarmed her again. Of course, there was only one thing he had come to her chamber for, and of course, he would get what he wanted, because she could not say no to him. She was already starting to succumb to the temptation. His very presence here was alluring, let alone the fact that he just told her to go to bed.
Still, she did as he bid her. She trusted him. She wanted to trust him. So, she got under the covers. He walked over to a chair and pulled it closer to the bed. There, he took a seat. He extended his hand to her, with his palm up and open. He was silently beckoning her to take it.
"The only way you can sleep is by knowing you are safe," he told her. "Hold my hand while you sleep. That will remind you that I am here, and that no harm will come to you."
Leah could not believe what she was hearing. All those horrible stories about this man that were circling theton, and here he was, offering to hold her hand through the night. How many secrets did this man hide?
She placed her hand in his. Their fingers intertwined. He squeezed once.
"Sleep," he told her. "I won't let go."
Leah's heart felt like a wounded bird being tended back to health. She could still not tell when she would be able to fly, but at least now, there was hope of it. Before, there was none.
She had no idea when she fell asleep, but when she woke up in the morning, he was still there. Her hand was still in his, as he slept with his back and neck all twisted, and his head on the bed. She smiled as she watched him, tenderness watching over her. She squeezed softly. Now that she knew what it felt to hold his hand, she feared she would never want him to let go of her ever again.
CHAPTER13
Edward wondered how many times he would be standing in front of these doors, unable to open them.
Every time he had come, filled with courage at this feat, he could feel all that boldness slowly seep out of his heart, leaving emptiness and cowardice. He hated himself for it. He hated himself for the man he had become, the man who lacked courage, determination, for being the mere shadow of who he once was. He despised himself.
"Edward?" he suddenly heard Leah's voice behind him.
He turned around, cutting her with his gaze. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, instantly realizing how sharp his voice sounded. But the expression in Leah's eyes made him all the more repentant. She could not have known. He had never taken her to this wing of the mansion. He had not even mentioned it, although he was certain that she could guess why.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry," she said, immediately taking a step back defensively. "I shall leave you alone."
Alone.The word echoed inside his mind. That was the only thing he did not want to be right now.
"No, don't–" he called out to her, just as she had already turned around, intent on leaving him. "I didn't mean it like that. I was just... surprised to see anyone else here."
She stopped mid-step, unwilling to approach him. But at least, she was still there. He did not drive her away, which was still a possibility. Sometimes he wondered what she was still doing here, with him. While it was true that her reputation needed to be saved, they could have a marriage just on paper. She could be living in a whole different place from him, and they would meet each other perhaps three or four times per year, if anything was outstanding. After all, it was not unheard of. It was not the sort of marriage he had hoped to have, but then again, this was not the situation he ever thought he would find himself in.
"This room is sealed," he said, turning to the door that had not been opened in more months than he was willing to count. Not that counting helped him in any way. "No one goes in there."
"Not even the servants?" she wondered, her words obviously carefully chosen not to antagonize him further.
He remembered how he held her hand through the night. She allowed him this privilege. He wanted her to feel safe with him, and he was certain that he was managing to do that. Now, however, he was snapping at her for doing nothing other than appear in a place he didn't expect her to. He couldn't allow that.
"Not even the servants," he repeated. "I have ordered it sealed."
He wanted to tell her all about the room. He wanted to tell her that he didn't need to go inside, because he knew exactly what it looked like. Nothing had changed. He refused to allow anyone to go inside, including himself. It had to remain as it was. He wanted to tell her all that, but he couldn't, just like he could not force himself to go inside.
"Is that–" she dared to ask, but she could not finish the sentence. She glanced in the direction of the door.
