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“I need to go to college in New York.”
Mrs. Heller, the guidance counselor, looks up from my file, then right back down. “That’s not exactly how things work, Mr. Eastwood.” With short graying hair and thick glasses, the woman’s set for retirement any day now. I’m pretty sure she’s over everyone’s bullshit, and then I walked in with onedemand. How fun for her.
I heave out an exhale and square my shoulders. “Yeah, well, I’m going to need it to work like that, so what do I have to do?”
“Unfortunately, the only thing you have going for you is your athletics participation. I’d love to sayachievementsinstead of participation, but let's be real, Townsend isn’t known for our athletics program, so… how good is your college essay?”
My stomach drops. “I haven’t started it.”
Her face pinches as she leans forward, moving her lipstick-stained coffee mug to the side. “Well, that’s probably a good starting point.”
“And then? After that, what do I need to do? Quit sports and focus on academics?” I get more comfortable in my chair. “Just tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.”
Her outlandish sigh fills the entire room, fills my blood with nervous energy. “Why New York? A girl?”
“Yes,” I state. “My best friendisa girl, and she almost accidentally killed herself last week, so yeah, I’d like to be there with her.Forher.”
Heller’s eyes widen to saucers. “Okay, then…” She taps on her keyboard a few times, her aged face lighting up when the monitor comes to life. “Let’s see what we can do for you, Mr. Eastwood.”
A half-hour later, a backpack filled with brochures and a brain filled with way too much information, I’m walking out of her office… and directly into Jamie. She’s sitting on one of the chairs just outside the door, spinning the stem of a dahlia between her fingers. Perfect bun in place, and not an inch of clothing astray, she looks just like she did the first time I saw her. “Hey,” I breathe out.
She offers a tight smile while the red-headed middle-aged woman sitting beside her whispers something I can’t hear.
Jamie nods in response, then stands when Mrs. Heller calls her name.
“Have you got a sec?” I ask her, even though it’s clear she doesn’t.
She turns to the other woman, now standing next to her. “You go ahead. I just need a second.”
The woman smiles, first at me and then at Jamie. “Sure.”
Once we’re alone, I ask, “Who’s that?”
Jamie looks up at me, her eyes clear. “She’s kind of like a guidance counselor with the emancipation program. I’d forgotten I had the meeting set up, so…”
She’s still twirling the dahlia between her fingers, and I say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know today was…” I trail off when Jamie shrugs, glancing at the office door.
“How could you have known?”
“Well, I’m sorry.” I don’t know what I’m truly apologizing for. For wanting to break it off with her? For her mother dying? Either way, Iamsorry.
“I should um…” She motions to the door.
“Want me to wait until you’re done?” I ask. “I can give you a ride home or work or—”
“Jameson?” Mrs. Heller calls out, standing in the doorway.
Jamie turns to her, holding up a finger. “I’m sorry. Just one minute?” She waits for Mrs. Heller to nod and then go behind her desk before looking up at me. “What are you doing, Holden?”
I stand taller. I thought it was pretty obvious, but maybe I’m as dumb as my academic history shows. “I’m offering to give you a ride.”
Her shoulders deflate with her exhale. “You can’t do these things anymore. You can’t offer to give me rides or show up to my work.” She takes a step back, saying, “Look, I need time to deal with this. I need space. And I need you to give me that.”
I bite back my scoff. “So what? We can’t befriends?”
“Holden,” she says, looking at me in thatYou Idiotway she used to. “We wereneverfriends.”
My eyes narrow at first, and then it dawns on me… she’s right. We went from her hating me to her kissing me, to whatever we were right before we ended it. There was no build-up, no in-between.
