AllFreeNovel
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I understand that the whole of him belongs to her, but I can still hold on to pieces of him.
I pick up daisies whenever I see them and store them between pages of sketchbooks as a reminder of who he was and how he loved me. Not just the “average” me, but the “extraordinary” he sawinme.
“I’ll see you tomorrow!”I call out to Zeke, pushing open the door to the alleyway.
I halt the moment I see him, my breath catching, muscles tensing. At most, I’d expected a text from him. A simplethank youand nothing else. I surely didn’t expect to see him sitting on the hood of his truck. “It’s like deja vu,” I breathe out, stepping toward him. “What are you doing here?”
He waits until I’m standing in front of him before replying, “I just wanted to say thank you in person.” After clearing his throat, he adds, “You have no idea what that gift means to me, Jamie.”
I have some idea, but I don’t tell him that. “You’re welcome.”
He smiles to one side, but even through the darkness around us, the moon our only source of light, I can see the uncertainty in his eyes, the hesitation in his words when he says, “Do you have time to talk?”
I swallow my nerves. My problem isn’t time—my issue is fear. Holden and I are at a calm right now, and I’m not sure that I’m ready to face the storm of whatever he feels he needs to say to me. Still, I find myself answering, “Sure.”
He motions to the cab of his truck. “Maybe in there,” he says, rubbing his hands together. “It’s fucking cold.”
I nod, removing my backpack as I follow him to the passenger door. He opens the door for me, waits until I’m settled before going to his side, sliding in behind the wheel, and turning the car on. The heater comes to life, blowing warm air across my flesh. For a moment, Holden just sits there, staring ahead, his head in his hands, and he seems so…small. So lost in an ocean of unease. And then he turns to me, his eyes right on mine, but his focus is scattered—as if there’s wave after wave knocking him in all directions. After a beat, he says,“I’m not here to give you an explanation of why I wanted to end things… I just wanted you to know that it really wasn’t about you, Jamie.” His gaze drops momentarily, and a knot forms in my throat, blocking all air from my lungs. “I don’t want you going through life thinking that you weren’t enough because—”
“It’s okay,” I cut in.
“And I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you.”
“Holden,please.” I don’t know if I can hear this. Not now. Not when I’d just come to terms with losing him.
“I did,” he urges. “Ido,Jamie. I love you.”
I inhale sharply, push back the sudden tears threatening to fall. His words are everything, but they can’tmeananything.
“And I wish that I hadn’t thrown it in your face the way I did.”
I shake my head, fight against the heartache. “It’s okay,” I say again, and I don’t know if I’m saying it for him or for me.
His touch is warm as he takes my hand, holds it palm up between us. I don’t look at our connection when he says, “I got you this. I’ve had it for a while, but I never knew the right time to give it to you.” Something cold lands on my palm, and I take a moment to settle my nerves, calm my erratic pulse. And then I look down, my stomach flipping at the sight. He says, “I realized a few days after we broke up that you weren’t wearing the mood rings anymore, but I’d already had it made it, so…”
It’s a silver pendant with a mood ring center and dahlia petals all around it. I close my fist around the cool metal and bring it to my chest, a single sob escaping me. And it’s not even about the gift or the boy giving me the gift. It’s a reminder of what I loved, what I lost. He’s giving me a piece of my heart back—a piece I thought I could live without, but I couldn’t.
Through tear-filled eyes and a shattered soul, I ask,“How did you know?”
“Know what?”
“Her name,” I say. “I never told you her name.”
He’s quiet a beat before answering, “Dean. He put the dahlia on your locker that day…”
“But that was after we’d already…” I trail off.
“Just because we weren’t together anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
I nod, lower my hand before opening it again, revealing the beauty of the jewel. Before I get a chance to inspect it closer, Holden says, “I got you something else.”
“No, Holden. This is too much already.”Somuch.
He reaches beside him, revealing a white box, and I can tell what it is before it lands on my lap. From the sound alone, I know what’s in there: tiny cardboard pieces. “You said you’ve never done a real one before, so now you have your own.”
I lift the box closer so that I can see the final image on the cover.
He says, “They’re all the pieces of you I’ve collected since we met.”
