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It’s a Friday night, and while the entertainment choices around here are slim pickings compared to my old life in Boston or NYC, whatever we do tonight will hopefully be enough to pull me out of my mood.
It was one thing to be face to face with Jamie on even ground, but seeing herhere, standing in the driveway of my home... I wanted to destroy her. Annihilate her. So that’s what I did.
The crunching of the loose gravel beneath my sneakers wreaks havoc on my eardrums, and I push aside the grating of my nerves as I pull open the passenger door. Brianna greets me with a smile once I’m settled in the seat—her full lips glossed with sinful red. “Hey, baby,” she coos, reaching up to bring my face to hers.
I kiss her.
Because that’s what you do with your girlfriend.
You kiss them.
A lot.
Her big brown eyes scan my face when she rears back, her bottom lip pushes out, forming a pout. “You look tired,” she notes. “Long week?”
Her hand’s still on the back of my head, and I lean into it, hoping her touch soothes the ache in my chest. “Yeah.”
“We don’t have to go out tonight. We can just stay—”
I settle my hand on her leg and squeeze once, cutting her off. Then I pull away, get more comfortable. “I want to go.” I want to get fucked up in every way possible, so I can erase all memories of the ghosts of my past—the girl who thinks she can just show up dressed in denim shorts and a plain white tank and ask things of me she has no right asking. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” I say.
Bri doesn’t move right away, and after a moment, I glance at her. “You been missin’ me?” she asks, a coy little lilt in her tone that has me rememberingexactlywhat it is that attracts me to her.
After brushing the loose, butter-blonde hair from her shoulder, I lean across the cab and nuzzle her neck, nibble her there. She squirms against me, her laughter quick to fill the cab. “You have no idea,” I tell her, covering her mouth with mine. Then I inhale deeply, get lost in her scent. She smells like the ocean—like waves crashing endlessly against the shore.
It’s perfect.
Because it’s nothing at all like sunshine and solace.
* * *
Five sets of eyes stare at me as if I’ve grown a second head. “They are!” I almost shout, gripping my beer tighter.
“You’re so full of shit.” Jasmine, Brianna’s best friend, eyes me sideways, the joint halfway to her lips. We’re at her house, in her yard, sitting around an unlit fire pit. It’s the same scene as almost every Friday night.
Mason, her boyfriend, takes the J and inhales half of it with a single toke. If I wasn’t so indignant and maybe a little high, I’d be impressed. He asks, “How the fuck are polar bears black?”
My friend, Colton, sitting next to him, passes on the weed and hands it to his girl of the night, whose name I’ve already forgotten. “Where the fuck did you learn this?” Colton asks. “Agriculture college?”
“Firstly,” I say. “Eat my dick.” A round of laughter has me rolling my eyes, then squaring my shoulders. “And second. Their skin is black! Their fur is translucent and reflects off the visible light!” Now I’m shouting, and Brianna’s grabbing my hand, stifling her laugh into my arm. I turn to her, the movement slow, or maybe that’s the green doing its job. “We’re surrounded by idiots, babe.”
“You’re so passionate,” she says, taking the joint from Girl-with-no-name and passing it to me. “And high.”
“I am,” I admit, bringing the stub to my lips and inhaling deeply. I hold my breath a moment. Two. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
I exhale the ribbon of smoke away from her, making sure my lungs are empty before kissing her quickly. Brianna doesn’t drink. Doesn’t smoke. Eats vegan clean. She’s of the belief that our bodies are our temples, and we only get one in this lifetime, so we have to treat it right. And trust me, her discipline, plus the yoga and Pilates she’s constantly doing, proves that she’s doing something right. She’s toned in all the right places, soft where it counts, and flexible in ways I’d never even imagined. But... she’s also one of those forever positive people, all rainbows and butterflies, and a genuine believer that you canactuallyinhale the positive and exhale the negative. Which is bullshit, but hey… who the fuck am I to ruin her Zen?
The best thing about Bri is that she doesn’t judge others who choose to live their lives differently, aka every other person in this room. She’s kind, and she’s sweet, and she takes her grandparents to church every Sunday, where she can confess to all her sins... the sins she commits on her back. On her knees. In my bed.
She’s every guy’s wet dream, and what she’s doing with a guy like me, I do not know.
“Holy shit!” Jasmine practically squeals, her gaze lifting from the phone in her hand. “He’s right! Polar bears are black!”
I sit back in my chair, my grin from ear-to-ear, while everyone looks at Jasmine’s phone. “I told you, motherfuckers.”
“I’m hungry as shit,” Colton announces, standing quickly. “Let’s go.”
