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“Uh-huh.”Not really.“I’ll explain everything later.” I hang up, trying to settle my pulse. “You scared me,” I tell Holden, looking at the time on my phone. “What are you doing here? It’s like, ten thirty.”
He leans back in the chair, watching me in the same way he has the past few days—boredom mixed with contempt. “You have a real knack for stating the obvious.”
I hold back my eye-roll.
“First that my girlfriend’s beautiful and now the time…”
“Well…” I say, refusing to meet his glare. “It’s been real nice talking to you. I’m just going to jump in the shower…” I drop my phone and keys on the desk and turn toward the bathroom, mumbling, “Maybe I’ll even drown myself in there just to make you happy.”
The steam from the shower makes breathing a task. So is the simple act of staying upright. All I want to do is crawl into bed and forget the past few days ever happened. Unfortunately for me, I’ll still wake up in the same place with the same conundrums and no immediate way out of it. Frustrated, I switch off the water, push the curtain aside and step out, momentarily freezing when I see Holden leaning against the closed door, my towel over one shoulder. I’m quick to come to, to cover my most intimate parts. “What the fuck, Holden?”
“Your phone’s been going off,” he states, holding my phone toward me for proof. His eyes make a slow trail down my body, then right back up. “Message after message fromhim.”
“Okay,” I breathe out. I’m shaking, and I don’t know if it’s from the cold or the fact that I’m standingnaked and dripping wetin front of a boy I didn’t expect to be here. “Give me my towel.”
“You think I should read the messages?”
Irritation crawls along my flesh. “Go ahead,” I tell him. “The PIN’s the same as it’s always been.”
Holden’s gaze shifts from my phone to me, and the flash of heat in his eyes causes a shiver up my spine. He sets the phone on the bathroom counter and moves toward me, grabbing my towel from his shoulder and spreading it wide. Slowly, carefully, he drapes the towel over my shoulders and wraps me up completely. He doesn’t move back when he’s done. Instead, he says, his voice low, “Remember when I used to do this for you?”
My chest rises with my sudden intake of breath.
“Whenever you’d shower at my house, I’d put the towel in the dryer, so it was warm when you got out.”
I’m frozen. Unable to move. Unable to think.
“Tell me you remember, Jamie.”
I nod, swallowing the ache of a thousand pleasant memories. “Of course I remember.”
In a flash, the heat in his eyes is gone, replaced with something sinister. “So, what did you do after you took off yesterday?” He doesn’t wait for my response before adding, “I, for one, had blue balls so bad I could barely walk. Thank God Bri was there.”
I shake my head, try to move around him, but he stops me.
“Did you go back to your RV and fuck your hand while thinking of me?” He smirks, and I feel a piece of me die inside with that single look. “Or maybe you thought of Dean,” he spits, inching closer again. “Makes sense considering you both deserve toget fucked.”
I’m nothing but a game to him. An insignificant little toy to torture and torment. “Fuck you,” I murmur, ignoring the tears threatening to fall. I don’t bother getting dressed. I just grab my clothes, slip on my shoes, and turn to leave, but my pride and self-respect hold me to my spot.
Tears well in my closed lids while my heart beats against my ribcage. Still, I take my time, settle my breaths before opening my eyes and facing him completely. “Do you think I drove into that ditch on purpose?” I breathe out.
He watches me watching him, with no sign of remorse in any of his features. “Did you?”
“No.”
He crosses his arms, bored again. “The thought never even crossed my mind.”
“Yeah?” I ask, trying to compose myself. Because I want my following words to be calm. Concise. So that he has no choice but to hear them. Tofeelthem. “Because you’re acting as if Iwantto be here.” My throat burns with my withheld sob. “With you—someone who’s made it extremely clear that they don’t want me here. You take every opportunity to remind me of what we had with your eyes and your touch, but then you speak to me… and the words you speak eviscerate me, Holden!”
His mouth parts, but I don’t let him speak.
“I get it. I hurt you when I left. But I was pushed into a corner and felt like I had no other choice. You do. I have never done anything to purposely hurt you ordemeanyou. And you—” I say, pushing a finger into his chest. “You’ve been fucking relentless. The way you beat me down. The way you talk to me—as if I don’t matter. You’ve made mescaredto be around you, and that’s something I nevereverthought I’dfeel with you. Even aftereverything.” I’m crying now—useless, pathetic tears that don’t fucking quit. “Every day, I’m losing a piece of myself to you because you make me feel so… soless than. Soworthless.” My gaze drops, and my stomach follows. Without looking up, I tell him, adding anguish to my misery, “And if I wanted to feel those things, I would’ve never escaped the toxic environment of my childhood.”
He closes the distance between us, and I stand still, momentarily paralyzed by my truths. “Jamie,” he whispers, his hand brushing against mine.
“No.” I pull away, take another step back. “Please don’t touch me anymore. Inanyway.” I turn quickly, and Irun.Because that’s what I do when I’m faced with fear.
I wait until I’m locked in my RV, and he’s too far away to hear me release my cries.
