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My breath halts in my lungs, and my eyes snap to his. I watch him watching me…
A million
reckless
fleeting
emotions.
I look away, try to keep my voice steady. “Yeah, well, I feel ridiculous.”
“Jamie…”
I hang the dress back on the rack and start covering it again. “I don’t know what to do with all thisstuff,” I grind out, trying to keep my emotions in check. “She has all thesethings. So manythings. And they all meant something to her, but they mean nothing to me, and she doesn’t have any family to pass them on to.” A sob almost escapes, but I rein it in. “And I can’t take them with me because I have nowhere to take themto.”
“Whoa,” Holden says, stepping toward me. “These aren’t decisions you have to make right this second, Jamie. We can—”
“No, I need to do it now!” I insist.
“Why?” he asks, his shoulders deflating.
“Because the sooner this house is empty, then the sooner it’s sold. No more packing. No more worrying. No more—”
“Having to deal with me?” His words cut through the air, slicing me right open for him.
I stare at him, right into his eyes, hoping he can’t see the damage caused by our destruction. “I need to move on, Holden.”
31
Holden
Jamie left me with the task of taking all the many boxes from each room and piling them into the living room before excusing herself to the pool house under the guise of needing to work. She also told me that there aren’t any beds, so if I planned on staying overnight, I should probably book a room at a hotel. Meaning:there’s no fucking way we were sleeping in the same bed.
Classic Jamie—never really been one for subtlety.
I fucked up.
It seems to be my go-to action lately.
The truth is, I’ve never been this fucking nervous in my life. It started when I got to the airport and amplified the second I stepped on the plane. By the time I landed, I was a mess. And then came the car ride. Now I know what Jamie meant when she said how hours in the car, alone, with nothing but your thoughts and your guilt, can drive you crazy. Insane. And that insanity can make you inept, because, really, I had no idea what her reaction would be to my being here. It’s not as if I expected her to greet me with open arms, kiss me, strip me, and fuck me raw, so I don’t know what the hell I was thinking by touching her, teasing her about what she may have said to Esme in the past.
“You’re an idiot,” I mutter, rolling my eyes at myself as I dump the last of the boxes on a stack against the wall. My phone alerts me to a text, and I retrieve it from my pocket.
Mia:So?
Holden:I fucked up.
Mia:Already?
* * *
I don’t book a hotel room. Instead, I strip off my shirt, change into sweatpants, and find a trash bag filled with clothes to use as a makeshift pillow.
It… blows.
But I don’t want to leave and have Jamie take off in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. Because that’s a likely occurrence.
Just as I’m about to lie down, asplashfrom outside has me squinting, listening harder for the sound. Anothersplash, this one quieter, followed by many more.
