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I sit down beside her and wait for her to speak first. It doesn’t take long. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do with the money?” she asks, half facing me.
“Pay off my student loans.”
She exaggerates a pout. “Do you regret going to college and not just working with your dad?”
“I try not to think about it,” I groan. Besides everything Jamie related, it’s the only thing in my life I might possibly regret. “What about you?”
“When I got back last week, I went to the bank,” she answers quickly, as if she’s been waiting to tell me. “I went to see if it was at all possible to buy you out—”
“You want Esme’s house?” I cut in. “You should’ve told me. I would’ve given it to you. You can still have it.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “I just thought it would be easier if…” she trails off.
My heart sinks, anchored by the weight of disappointment. “If we never had to deal with each other again?”
Jamie shrugs, and I look away because it hurts too much. “I don’t want Esme’s house,” she states. “When she and Wesley bought it, they expected to fill it with a big family. I don’t have that, and I don’t think I ever will.”
“You might,” I assure, but what I want to say iswemight. One day.
I don’t know if she even heard me because she says, “It’s too big. Too much maintenance. And I don’t need a pool house or even apool.” She points across the street, and it’s only now I notice the little clapboard cottage with a For Sale sign out front. It’s half the size of Esme’s, and it reminds me of the house Mom and I had when we lived here.
“You want to buy that?” I ask. “So… what about the RV?” It’s still at the body shop near my house, a whole state away, getting repaired.
“I think I’m done being a nomad.” She almost laughs.Almost. I turn to her, but she’s staring at the house, her eyes unfocused. “I think it’s time to put down some roots. I was considering somewhere closer to Gina, but… she’ll be gone soon, so here’s as good as anywhere. At least here I have Zeke and Dean, you know?” She turns to me, a sad smile marring her beautiful features. “I’ve never stayed anywhere long enough to build friendships orrelationships, and I’m…” She heaves out a sigh. “I’m tired of being lonely.”
Dean calls before I can respond, and he lets us know it’s safe to come back. Jamie and I don’t speak on the walk back, which is fine because I truly don’t think I have anything she wants to hear.
She’s ready to build a life here, and I’m…
I’m stuck where I am.
There’s only one way things could possibly work between us. I just… I don’t know how to get us there.
Dean’s waiting by his car when we get back to the house, and he gives us both a quick rundown of the showing and tells us that we’re likely to get an offer within the next few days. Jamie seems elated by the news, but I’m too busy drowning in my own thoughts to even react. “Are you heading off now?” I ask Dean.
“Yeah, man. Why? You need a ride?”
* * *
Zeke’s Diner is exactly as I remember it, and as much as I wish it brought on some kind of joyful nostalgia, it doesn’t.
It physically hurts to walk through the doors, to sit in the same booth that Jamie and I once claimed as ours—even going as far as etching our names on the windowsill:Holden + Jamie.
I sit down at the same spot that I did the first time I came here... when I watched her unfold a napkin, put pen to paper, and take my breath away with a single stroke. It was right here that I heard her laugh for the first time and saw her vulnerability on full display. We celebrated every achievement, every milestone, every day we managed to keep it together after the attack.
I run a finger along the windowsill and picture the concentration etched on her features as she worked on each stroke of every letter of my name—a pile of ink-stained napkins discarded between us.
I kept every single one.
Even the ones frombeforewe got together.
I held on to them like puzzle pieces, each one giving me a clue into who she was and how she got here.
Istilldon’t have all the pieces.
“God, you were just kids back then…” Zeke’s words pull me from my thoughts and up from my seated position. I stand in front of him—barely a man—looking into the eyes of the one person I know could give me what I want. What Ineed. The final piece to the puzzle.
“Zeke.” I hug him. And I didn’t even realize it was what I needed until I’m actually doing it.
